Dealing With Separation & Divorce In Child Care

1. Dealing With Separation & Divorce In Child Care Understanding How Separation and Divorce Can Affect The Children That You See Every Day Created By: Lindsey Burns

2. Ground Rules • Share ideas • Respect others • Be confidential • Don’t kidnap the fidgets • Silence battery-operated friends

3. It’s More Than Every Other Weekend and Holidays… KEY CONCEPTS • Current findings about the rising rate of divorce in the United States provide us with a glimpse of the situation our country faces regarding the breakup of the nuclear family. • A child who is experiencing separation from a parent is going to be affected physically, socially, emotionally, and psychologically. • Children are naturally resilient, and with the right ingredients, they can be equipped to arise from setbacks even stronger and more capable than they were before.

4. It’s More Than Every Other Weekend and Holidays… KEY CONCEPTS, cont. • Parents that are enduring separation or divorce are in need of support from those surrounding them. • Child care professionals, at many times, are left to pick up the pieces of a divorce or separation, but this doesn’t have to be a difficult task. • It is essential that children who are experiencing separation or divorce are not left in the dark, but that they are provided with coping methods.

5. What You May or May Not Know About Divorce Key Concept: The current findings about the rising rate of divorce in the United States provide us with a glimpse of the situation our country faces regarding the breakup of the nuclear family.

6. What Does the Average U.S. Family Look Like? True or False? • Nuclear families are becoming more frequent. • More families today consist of cohabitating couples than ever before. • The percentage of Americans, ages 20-24, who have never married has stayed the same over the past 10 years. • The divorce rate is lower in the midwest than in other parts of the nation. • The racial group with the highest rate of divorce is White Americans. • Research suggests that 75-80% of children from divorced homes function equally well as children from homes with both parents.

7. Does More Divorce = Less Family? • If what Mavis Hetherington says about 75-80% of children from divorced homes function as well as children who are reared by both of their parents, then the impact of divorce on family is not as strong as some may believe. • Most families are not fortunate enough to remain entirely untouched by divorce and separation. • A child caught in the fabric of divorce often has a lessoned sense of belonging to both parents and experiences being an insider and an outsider with both parents. • Although children may feel somewhat displaced from their nuclear families, they can benefit from their gain of a blended family.

8. Common Trends That Have Decreased the Family Unit • Families are more recreational. • Both parents are working full time jobs at least. • Families are no longer eating meals together. • Upon adulthood, children have an increased tendency to move away from home. • Couples are becoming less committed to one another, especially if they cohabit prior to marriage. • The rate of single motherhood has increased. • Couples are postponing marriage and childbirth. • Elder care has decreased.

9. Physical, Social Emotional, and Psychological Effects of Separation and Divorce on Children Key Concept: A child who is experiencing separation from a parent is going to be affected physically, socially, emotionally, and psychologically.

10. Things You May Observe Physical Social Emotional • Anxiety/distress • Aggressiveness • Reverted behaviors • Crying • Inability to focus • Difficulty sleeping • Irritability • Argumentative • Irrational behavior • Excessive emotions • Refusing to interact with others • Seeking others for nurturing • Withdrawal

11. Things You May Observe, Continued… Psychological • Development of phobias • Low self-esteem • Self-blame • Denial • Depression/lack of spontaneity • Anxiety • Confusion

12. How to Increase Resiliency Among Children Who Are Experiencing Separation & Divorce Key Concept: Children are naturally resilient, and with the right ingredients, they can be equipped to arise from setbacks even stronger and more capable than they were before.

13. 7 Crucial Csaccording to Ginsburg and Jablow • COMPETENCE (being able to work through a difficult situation/event effectively) In order to build competence in young children, we must combine a strengths-based, positive approach with clear communication of expectations that allow the child to take the reigns from time to time and pick themselves back up from mishaps. • CONFIDENCE (believing in oneself) If a child lacks competence, they are likely to lack confidence. Confidence is often masked as an “overdeveloped” self-esteem; however, that is the opposite of what true confidence really is. If a child has confidence, then they believe in themselves to be capable of taking on reasonable obstacles, and a sense of security in that belief exists.

14. 7 Crucial Cs, continued… • CONNECTION (stability will come from a rooted connection with others) If a child is connected to its family, then the family is functioning. If a child is connected to its school, town, church, etc, then society is functioning. • CHARACTER (character is built by a knowledge of what is right and wrong, moral and immoral) Character can be built through allowing a child to see and experience true values. • CONTRIBUTION (when a child observes that they are contributing to life and to the world around them) Once a child understands that THEY can contribute to their surroundings, then they will understand the meaning of servant hood.

15. 7 Crucial Cs, continued… • COPING (the ability to overcome a situation using rational and effective methods) Telling a child to stop being angry or upset will not allow them to cope with a situation effectively. On the other hand, allowing a child to express his/her emotions through varying coping strategies will also give them a healthy outlet. • CONTROL (maintaining control over our actions and reactions will often allow us to evaluate a situation more accurately) If a child is not given some control, there will be a constant struggle between the adult and the child over who has control. If a child is given some control to make his/her own decisions, then the adult can observe the child’s growth in being to accept responsibility.

16. The Role of the Child Care Professional as a Support for Parents & Families Key Concept: Parents that are enduring separation or divorce are in need of support from those surrounding them. Key Concept: Child care professionals, at many times, are left to pick up the pieces of a divorce or separation, but this doesn’t have to be a difficult task.

17. Being Supportive Without Compromising Your Business A child care professional’s role toward the family is to be supportive of the existence of a functioning family unit; however, this does not mean that functioning family units only consist of a nuclear family, or a family that is still together. Maintaining a professional relationship with any family that is experiencing change is necessary because both parents that you are working with need to be considered.

18. Community Support Community resources should be accessed by the child care professional and parents if a child is experiencing separation or divorce in their home setting. Remember, one of the greatest advocates for the family is the community around you!

19. How Can the Child Care Professional Assist the Child? Key Concept: It is essential that children who are experiencing separation or divorce are not left in the dark, but that they are provided with coping methods.

20. It probably happens more often than not, but adding a present to the Christmas tree and promising trips to Disney World will not make a child forget about the absence of a parent at home. Candy can’t buy happiness…

21. Healthy Ways to LET IT OUT! • Creative expression • Model positive social skills • Physical contact • Singing and dancing • Personal keepsakes • Focused activities

22. What Happens When it Stays Bottled Up…

23. References Ginsberg, MD, MS Ed, FAAP, Kenneth R. &Jablow, Martha M. (2006). A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Your Child Roots and Wings. East Grove Villiage: American Academy of Pediatrics.

24. Questions? Comments? “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” –Frederick Douglass Trainer Contact Info: Phone (C): 859-230-4696 Email: lindseyaburns@gmail.com