The Art of Tea

1. The Art of Tea The quintessential indicator of any advanced civilization

2. Tea is made wherever an advanced human civilization has emerged: • Japan • China • India • Russia • United Kingdom

3. A certain refinement also accompanies tea • People are usually polite • There is time to talk • Certain formalities are observed • Other formalities may be dropped • Tea is also good for us and, thus, should be regularly consumed

4. English Tea • For convenience we will concentrate on English tea • It is a well known fact that English tea is superior to all other teas* • English tea built an Empire • Drinking English tea is held in such high esteem that the British would only rest from their conquering of foreign peoples and places for a quick ‘cuppa’ • At the height of the British Empire tea would be continuously drunk wherever the map was pink • Thus the sunnever set on English tea-drinking * This category includes all Scottish, Irish, Welsh and Yorkshire teas

5. So, what is the correct way to make tea? • One must start with the right ingredients: • Fresh, loose English tea leaves • Under no circumstances should tea bags be employed • As the best tea is grown in India and Sri Lanka growing tea might be a bit difficult where you live • Luckily for us, shops called ‘Supermarkets’ sell tea

6. So, what is the correct way to make tea? Continued X • It is advisable to procure a silver tea pot, milk jug, sugar pot, tea strainer and tray to be entirely devoted to this art • If this is unavailable then a stout ceramic one will suffice –preferably without decoration • Novelty tea pots, such as ‘Hello Kitty’ or in other animal forms, are outlawed

7. So, what is the correct way to make tea?Continued • If possible, use fresh spring water. Failing that, collect from a pure, high Himalayan stream • Always be sure of the purity of your water

8. So, what is the correct way to make tea?Continued • Bring water slowly to the boil • Heat teapot with hot water • Just beforewater boils empty hot water from tea pot and add loose tea leaves • The rule is one teaspoon of tea leaves per person and one for the pot • Immediately add boiling water and put on lid • Cover with tea cosy and leave to stand for 2-4 minutes of polite conversation • Before serving gently stir teapot once again (with silver spoon)

9. Tea cups • Must be thin bone china cup and saucer with floral motifs • When drinking, cup must be held by thumb and two fingers of right hand, little finger pointing outwards • Saucer will always be held in left hand • Silver spoon is always on right side of saucer

10. The Question • Then the most important question is asked: • “Shall I be Mother?” • There is only ONE answer to this –“Yes” • Unless asked, a guest should always defer to the host teamaker. Anything else is presumptuous and could even be considered aggressive • Making tea therefore requires a modicum of tact and diplomacy • Milk is always poured before tea • Knowing the correct amount of milk per cup requires superhuman skill. There is a theory that this innate skill is an inherent genetic trait of all British peoples and may be the primary foundation for Empire-building

11. Milk and sugar? • As soon asThe Question is answered correctly, the tea drinker must be prepared for another difficult one –“Milk?” • In general, the answer to this question is also “Yes” or “Just a dash, thanks”* • The choice of whether to add sugar (and how much) is left to the guest to indicate. But beware – • oneis acceptable, two is sweet, three or more denotes moral weakness • Sugar in loose granular form will be served with a separate silver spoon, cubes with silver tongs • WARNING – do not use sugar spoon to stir tea: ‘diplomatic incidents’ have occurred over spoon slights * Unless, of course, one has a particularly strong milk allergy, or is ‘foreign’

12. Pouring tea • Hold the tea pot firmly in one hand • Pour from the bottom of the pot • Employ the other hand for holding the tea strainer over the cup • Pour the tea until ⅞thsof tea cup is full Test Question: What is wrong with this picture?* * 15/16ths of the cup is full preventing, therefore, the correct ratio of milk

13. Having tea • Once the serious formality of tea-making and pouring is over you mayenjoy the rest of the occasion • Indeed informal but polite conversation is expected • Biscuits may be served in the morning • Little cucumber sandwiches (without crusts), fruit cake and scones with jam and cream may be served in the afternoon

14. Such is tea – coursing through the veins of British folk for 350 years!

15. Music ‘3’ – Richard Peters ℗2012