Relationships and Sexual Health

1. Relationships and Sexual Health Lesson 3 : Unhealthy Relationships, Abuse and Assault By Steve Clogstoun(B.App.ScPhys Ed)

2. Relationships and Sexual Health • What is your view/description of an Unhealthy Relationship

3. Relationships and Sexual Health • Definition / Characteristics of an unhealthy relationship • Using coercion and threats:  Making and/or carrying out threats of hurting you; threatening to leave you, threatening to commit suicide or report you to welfare; making you drop charges; making you do illegal things. • Using intimidation:  Making you afraid by using looks, actions, gestures; smashing things; destroying your property; abusing pets; displaying weapons. • Taken from http://charmeck.org/city/charlotte/CMPD/organization/investigative/SpecialVictims/DomesticViolence/pages/unhealthy%20relationship's%20characteristics.aspx

4. Relationships and Sexual Health • Definition / Characteristics of an unhealthy relationship • Using emotional abuse:  Putting you down; calling you names; playing mind games; humiliating you; making you feel guilty; making you think you're crazy; making you feel bad about yourself. • Using isolation:  Controlling what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read, where you go; limiting your outside involvement; using jealousy to justify actions. • Taken from http://charmeck.org/city/charlotte/CMPD/organization/investigative/SpecialVictims/DomesticViolence/pages/unhealthy%20relationship's%20characteristics.aspx

5. Relationships and Sexual Health Definition / Characteristics of an unhealthy relationship • Minimizing, denying and blaming:  Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying you caused it. • Using family and loved ones:  Making you feel guilty about children; having family relay messages; using visitation to harass you; threatening to take the children away. • Taken from http://charmeck.org/city/charlotte/CMPD/organization/investigative/SpecialVictims/DomesticViolence/pages/unhealthy%20relationship's%20characteristics.aspx

6. Relationships and Sexual Health Definition / Characteristics of an unhealthy relationship • Abusing authority:  Treating you like a servant; making all big decisions; acting like the "master of the castle"; being the one to define roles in the relationship. • Using economic abuse:  Preventing you from getting or keeping a job; making you ask for money; giving you an allowance; taking your money; not letting you know about or have access to family income. • Taken from http://charmeck.org/city/charlotte/CMPD/organization/investigative/SpecialVictims/DomesticViolence/pages/unhealthy%20relationship's%20characteristics.aspx

7. Relationships and Sexual Health • What are some of the signs • Too good to be true: In the courtship period, is he/she "sweeping you off your feet." If he/she appears to be too good to be true, he/she most likely is. Has your partner become totally preoccupied with you, such as calling you every hour just to "hear your voice," leaving and picking you up at work, doing things and activities you were doing for yourself, and thus taking charge of your life? • 2)  Temper outbursts: Does your partner have outbursts of temper, such as cussing, throwing things or kicking doors., not necessarily directed towards you, but towards anybody or anything?. • Taken from http://www.scu.edu/wellness/topics/relationships/warningsigns.cfm

8. Relationships and Sexual Health • What are some of the signs • 3)  Violent or demeaning language: Does your partner use derogatory terms for other people such as, "broad," "chick," or "slut, etc.? • 4)  Sexist attitude: Does your partner have strong ideas about the place and position of women vs. men? For instance, does he insist that "women should know their place" or does she say that men have to act a certain way in relationships to "prove they care“ • Taken from http://www.scu.edu/wellness/topics/relationships/warningsigns.cfm

9. Relationships and Sexual Health • What are some of the signs Rage for past relationships: Notice how your partner talks about their ex- or previous dates. Is there a quality of rage in their anger towards a previous relationship and does he/she call the past partner names or use other insulting terms? Remember that later your partner will most likely be turning the same intensity of rage and insult towards you. Abusive background: Was your partner battered as a child or did he/she see his/her mother or sisters being hit as a child? If so, your partner may need a good bit of counselling before they can be free of this cycle of violence. Taken from http://www.scu.edu/wellness/topics/relationships/warningsigns.cfm

10. Relationships and Sexual Health • What are some of the signs Insults: Does your partner put you down for your opinions or laugh at what you believe in? Does he/she make you feel stupid, ignorant, or incompetent? Psychological abuse: Does your partner make comments such as, "You're no good." Does he/she make you feel that you can't do anything right or that you can't get along in the world without his/her help? Ridicule: Does your partner make fun of you alone or in other people's presence? Taken from http://www.scu.edu/wellness/topics/relationships/warningsigns.cfm

11. Relationships and Sexual Health • What are some of the signs • Blaming others: Does your partner have a habit of blaming others for what he/she does or what happens to him/her? • 11)  Alcohol and drug abuse: Does your partner have a drinking or drug problem? • 12)  Violence under the influence of alcohol or drugs: Does your partner become verbally or physically abusive under the influence of alcohol and drugs? • 13)  Verbal or physical abuse towards public: Is your partner verbally or physically abusive towards others, like people in the restaurant, other drivers on the street, people they come in contact with, etc.? • 14)  Excessively critical of you or your family: Does your partner say negative things about you or your family? • 15)  Excessive sexual jealousy: Does your partner "love you so much" that he/she can't "stand" you being in the company of other people? • Taken from http://www.scu.edu/wellness/topics/relationships/warningsigns.cfm

12. Relationships and Sexual Health • What are some of the signs • Blaming others: Does your partner have a habit of blaming others for what he/she does or what happens to him/her? • Alcohol and drug abuse: Does your partner have a drinking or drug problem? • Violence under the influence of alcohol or drugs: Does your partner become verbally or physically abusive under the influence of alcohol and drugs? • Taken from http://www.scu.edu/wellness/topics/relationships/warningsigns.cfm

13. Relationships and Sexual Health • What are some of the signs • Verbal or physical abuse towards public: Is your partner verbally or physically abusive towards others, like people in the restaurant, other drivers on the street, people they come in contact with, etc.? • Excessively critical of you or your family: Does your partner say negative things about you or your family? • Excessive sexual jealousy: Does your partner "love you so much" that he/she can't "stand" you being in the company of other people? • Taken from http://www.scu.edu/wellness/topics/relationships/warningsigns.cfm

14. Relationships and Sexual Health • What are some of the signs • Possessive behavior: Is your partner unhappy or moody when you spend time with your friends or family? • Restricting and controlling behavior: Has your partner told you to not keep any contact with your friends and family? • Jealous accusations: Has your partner jokingly or seriously complained that you were trying to attract other men/women by the way you walk, dress, or behave? • Checking and tracking: Does your partner keep track of where you went, who you met, and how much time you spend somewhere? • Use of force or coercion: Has your partner threatened or actually hit you, or coerced you for sexual act even though he/she apologized profusely and made it up to you? This is a serious sign!! • Taken from http://www.scu.edu/wellness/topics/relationships/warningsigns.cfm

15. Relationships and Sexual Health • Considering all aspects of a relationships what are some of the forms of abuse that will be considered unhealthy eg: Mental and Emotional Abuse • Creating Fear • Intimidation • Verbal Abuse • Physical • Emotional • Sexual • Financial • Domestic Assault • Taken from http://www.domesticviolence.com.au/pages/forms-of-abuse.php

16. Relationships and Sexual Health • Definition of Assault CRIMINAL CODE 1899 - SECT 245 • 245 Definition of assault • (1) A person who strikes, touches, or moves, or otherwise applies force of any kind to, the person of another, either directly or indirectly, without the other person's consent, or with the other person's consent if the consent is obtained by fraud, or who by any bodily act or gesture attempts or threatens to apply force of any kind to the person of another without the other person's consent, under such circumstances that the person making the attempt or threat has actually or apparently a present ability to effect the person's purpose, is said to assault that other person, and the act is called an assault. • Taken from http://www.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/qld/consol_act/cc189994/s245.html

17. Relationships and Sexual Health Domestic Violence : What is it and the impact of this on the community? • A quote taken from http://www.community.nsw.gov.au/docs_menu/parents_carers_and_families/domestic_and_family_violence/effects_of_domestic_violence_.html • “Violence and the threat of violence at home creates fear and can destroy normal family functioning. Violence in the home also affects children. Children and young people don't have to see the violence to be affected by it. Living with domestic violence can cause physical and emotional harm to children and young people. Children and young people who live with domestic violence are more likely to display aggressive behaviour, experience anxiety, have reduced social skills, suffer symptoms of depression and show emotional distress.”

18. Relationships and Sexual Health • Who do I contact for help???? 1800 Respect Contact Number 1800 737 732 https://www.1800respect.org.au/service-support/victorian-domestic-family-violence-and-sexual-assault-services/ • Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria • Contact1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), • http://www.dvrcv.org.au/help-advice/are-you-happy • Students find 3 more and put them in this resource, handwritten or into the word document

19. Relationships and Sexual Health • Some Related Advertisements and Clips • 1. http://pathssk.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Community-Impact-of-Domestic-Violence2.pdf • 2. Domestic Violence Commercial • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvBKlBhfgPc • 3. Domestic Violence Australia Says NO • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCCt-Bo07oc