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Constructive Communication

Constructive Communication. Dealing with conflict. Sandy Anderson Libby Mahaffy November 7, 2011. Goals. At the end of this session, you will have: Seen everyday use of negotiation skills Been exposed to a negotiation framework Observed asking, listening and reflecting

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Constructive Communication

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  1. Constructive Communication Dealing with conflict Sandy Anderson Libby Mahaffy November 7, 2011

  2. Goals At the end of this session, you will have: • Seen everyday use of negotiation skills • Been exposed to a negotiation framework • Observed asking, listening and reflecting • Practiced a new approach • Received a list of helpful resources

  3. We communicate all the time • Sometimes it doesn’t work as we expect • The consequences can be significant • Miscommunication can lead to conflict

  4. We negotiate every day • It’s not just for diplomats or lawyers • We all do it frequently and without conflict… most of the time • We all have emotions, bias and history that we bring to a negotiation • Every conflict has within itself the seeds of resolution

  5. Negotiating successfully Copywrite 2011, Anderson & Mahaffy

  6. Mediation – assisted negotiation • Sometimes we need outside help • Neutral 3rd party who facilitates negotiation • Useful in working through organizational, public and private negotiations and conflicts

  7. Role play • Notice how you feel watching this • Capture your observations • How do we figure out how to do this differently?

  8. A framework for negotiation Positions What someone says they want, their “demand” Interests What is really important to a party, the deeper “need” Options The possible ways the parties could have their needs met Solutions The agreement negotiated between parties, that meets their needs and allows them to move forward

  9. The “sweet spot” • From positions to interests • Strategies mediators use • Asking open-ended questions • Listening • Clarifying • Focus on moving forward, not on the past • Take time – slow down

  10. Nonviolent Communication • Seeks to understand motivations and remove judgment • Encourages empathy for yourself and others Observations Taking in the situation – what someone sees, hears, remembers, imagines Feelings The feelings that emerge from the observations Needs The needs connected to this feeling – universal, personal Requests Strategy to meet your own or others’ needs – a specific request of yourself or another – action to take Source: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

  11. Role play • Another possible outcome

  12. Resources Contact Info Books Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most – Stone, Patton & Heen (1999) Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In -- Fisher, Ury & Patton (1991) Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life – Marshall B. Rosenberg (2003) The Power of Nice – Shapiro, Jankowski & Dale (2001) Training Contact Sandy or Libby Mediation Works, Inc – www.mwi.org (reference this presentation) NVC Boston – www.nvcboston.org Sandy Anderson 617.686.1682 sandy@sandy-anderson.com sandy-anderson.com Libby Mahaffy 231.350.3732 Libby.Mahaffy@gmail.com

  13. Q&A

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