What is Love? Baby don’t hurt me …
Hello My Babies • I miss you. I’m sorry I’m away today. I will be back tomorrow. You will find instructions on the next slide. If you have questions, you can email me or get Izzet to text me. • Make sure you do this assignment first. If you have time afterward, you can do your personal ad from last class (see the Relationships Power Point for instructions). You can put a picture of yourself on it if you’d like too to make it like a real personal ad.
INSTRUCTIONS: • Follow the PowerPoint and Answer the questions from the WORD document. • You can print it out and write out the answers by hand our you can type them out. • When you are done either give them to the teacher or email them to me email@example.com.
Loving and Liking • Love is essential for human survival. • Self love is an important basis for self-esteem. • Eight qualities of friendship include: • Enjoyment • Acceptance • Trust • Respect • Mutual support • Confiding • Understanding • Honesty
Loving and Liking • Love includes the eight qualities of friendship plus: • Sexual desire • Priority over other relationships • Caring to the point of great self-sacrifice
What is Love? • Love is multifaceted and has many dimensions. • Love is based on respect. • Love is often demanding and may be neither exciting nor thrilling. • Rules of attraction are governed from an early age by socialization.
Functions of Love and Loving • Love ensures human survival. • Love prolongs life. • Love enhances physical health. • Love improves the quality of our lives. • Love is fun.
A Global View • Evidence of romantic love has been found in 89% of 166 different cultures, which makes it a “near-universal” human phenomenon. • In many countries, arranged marriages are the norm because respect for parents’ wishes, family traditions, and kin group are more important than romantic love.
How Couples Change: Romantic and Long-term Love • Characteristics of romantic love include: • Lovers find it impossible to work, study, or do anything but think about the beloved. • Their moods fluctuate wildly. • They find it impossible to believe they could ever love again. • They fantasize about how their partners will declare their love. • They are willing to sacrifice anything for love. • Their love is “blind” and they idealize each other. • They believe in love at first sight, and in fate.
How Couples Change: Romantic and Long Term Love • Characteristics of long lasting love include: • Lasting love is more complicated than romantic love. • Long term love is altruistic (putting the other first). • Love changes over time. • Long term love grows and develops, whereas romantic love is immature. • Companionate love is more common in long term relationships. • Demographic variables play a role in sustaining love.
Love vs. Infatuation • “Love at first sight” is not love. • Infatuation: a passion not based on reason; being in love with love.
Grows slowly Long lasting Trust More realistic More thoughtful Happens quickly Short-lived Physical thrills Jealousy Rush to marry Love vs. Infatuation
Theories about Love Biological and Sociological
Theories about Love • Biological perspectives argue that love is grounded in evolution, biology, and chemistry. The focus is on physiological responses caused by natural amphetamines in the body. • WATCH THE VIDEO but PUT IN HEAD PHONES if you have them. • Helen Fischer - Love and the Brain • Sociological perspectives claim that culture is key to love.
Theories about Love • Sociological theories include: • Attachment theory • Reiss’s Wheel Theory of Love • Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love • Lee’s Styles of Loving • Exchange theory
Theories about Love • Attachment theory • suggests our primary motivation is to be connected with other people. • Researchers have identified three attachment styles and the percent who fit them: • secure - easy to get close to others and comfortable in interdependent relationships (56%) • avoidant - somewhat uncomfortable being close to others (24%) • anxious/ambivalent - others are reluctant to get as close as s/he would like (20%)
Wheel Theory of Love Four stages of love • Rapport - rests on mutual trust and respect • Self-revelation - sharing intimate information • Mutual dependency - developing interdependence • Personality need fulfillment - developing emotional exchange and support
Theories about Love • Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love has three elements. • Intimacy • Passion • Decision/commitment • Different degrees of the three elements form different types of love relationships.
Triarchic Model of Love Three aspects of love (Sternberg, 1986): Intimacy: Closeness two people feel psychologically, how well partners understand each other. Passion: The amount of physical/sexual attraction and romance. Commitment: The cognitive factors such as the decision to maintain the relationship.
Theories about Love • Lee’s Styles of Loving • Eros is the love of beauty and usually encompasses a powerful physical attraction. • Mania is obsessive love characterized by jealousy, possessiveness and dependency. • Ludus is carefree and casual love that is playful. • Storge is peaceful, affectionate love that focuses on mutual trust and respect. • Agape is altruistic love which is self-sacrificing, kind and patient. • Pragma is practical love which is sensible and realistic.
Theories about Love • Exchange theory • focuses on the costs and rewards to each person in a relationship. • is useful for explaining how love relationships change over time. • adolescence: Love is usually intense and self-centered, romantic love is short-lived • adulthood: perception of costs and rewards change, for example, nurturing and patience may outweigh looks • later life: moral values, personality, and good humor may take precedence
Ladder of Love • Mature love for others • Love for children • Love for the opposite (or same) sex • Love for someone the same sex, older • Love for same sex friend • Love of peers • Love of other relatives • Love for secondary caregiver / entertainer • Love of Nurturer • Self-love • Love for humankind, very unselfish love. • Unselfish love with ability to love without expecting anything in return. • B eginswith interest in the others and continues throughout life. • Role model and exemplified what you wanted to become. • Close friend of the same age and sex. • Other children of same age. • Love of a relative which brought a special sense of security. • This person met your needs and cared for you. Who kept you happy • Your primary caregiver. • Until you love yourself, you cannot truly love another.
Types of Love • Romantic Love • Puppy Love • Sexual Love • The intimate expression of love. • Pragmatic Love • A rational, reasoning kind of love. • Platonic Love • The spiritual and intellectual relationship between a man and a woman. • Companionship Love • A love typically found in good friendships. • Altruistic Love • Selfless love or concern for the spouse. • Manic Love • A crazy, possessive, jealous kind of love. • Self-Love • An egotistic, narcissistic kind of love.
Lust and Love • Lust and Love • Sexual arousal is a physiological response. • Sexual desire is a psychological state. • Sexual desire and/or arousal may or may not lead to romantic love.