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Adult Sexuality II

Adult Sexuality II. Divorce, ageing, androgyny, etc. Divorce. What happens when it’s not “ till death do us part”? Rates increased steadily, but have decreased since ’77 Drop due to cohabitation?. Now around half of all marriages end in divorce But 96% remarry!

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Adult Sexuality II

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  1. Adult Sexuality II Divorce, ageing, androgyny, etc.

  2. Divorce • What happens when it’s not “till death do us part”? • Rates increased steadily, but have decreased since ’77 • Drop due to cohabitation?

  3. Now around half of all marriages end in divorce • But 96% remarry! • Is this a reflection of the belief that a good marriage is out there, somewhere?

  4. Why so high? • Because divorce is so easy? • Less stigma? • Kids marrying kids? • Unrealistically high expectations? • Women now have less $$ dependency?

  5. More Explanations • Couples with low levels of education • Women with high levels of education • The 4 year itch?

  6. More Finger Pointing • Divorced people pin the blame on: 1) Infidelity 2) A low quality relationship 3) Drinking, drugs, abuse, etc. • Women claim that the husband’s bad behavior did the trick. • Men don’t have a clue.

  7. The poor cite $$ woes. • The well-off point to poor communication, incompatibility and self-centeredness.

  8. A Tragic Legacy • More divorces leave more children raised in divorced homes and then they are more likely to get divorced.

  9. Adjusting to Divorce • Usually a big, multi-faceted loss • Similar to a loss from death • But there is no culturally accepted grieving process

  10. The Typical Sequence • Shock • Disorganization • Loneliness -- Anger • Acceptance? If not, • Counseling, and just maybe, • Personal Growth

  11. Dating – The Second Time Around • Difficult to start again • Lingering feelings limit intimacy • Some jump in too fast – “on the rebound” • Most active within a year • 80% remarry – most within 3 years

  12. Remarriage • Sadder but wiser? • No, second tries are even more likely to fail • Exception – marrying a high-school sweetheart • Otherwise, less tolerant? • Less intimidated by divorce?

  13. Aging and Sexuality • Things change for all of us • Some cope, some don’t • Many assume the worst • But for many, things improve

  14. Why are we so pessimistic? • The old sex is for procreation attitude? • Our culture-wide preoccupation with youth? • Is sex and the aged socially unacceptable? • Times are changing

  15. Divorce’s Impact on Women • Double standard • Just as important to feel attractive after a divorce • Does only youth=sexy? • While women are considered old, men are often considered more attractive

  16. More of the Double Standard • Older man -- Younger woman • But not a older woman and a younger man • But trends are changing • Susan Sontag’s empowering stance

  17. Sexual Activity • Despite perceptions, things don’t just stop • 50% over 60 are sexually active  they have relations at least once a month • While %s drop as the years roll on, many are active into their 80’s

  18. Who Remains Active? • Those who were always active • Those who worked at it • Those who retained their health • Those whose partner stayed healthy • Exercise and good diet certainly help

  19. Quality • With less demands on their time, the aged often enjoy sex more • There is often a greater emphasis on affection • Often enjoy an increase in intimacy • Even an expanded repertoire • After death or divorce, many find passion again

  20. Homosexual Adjustments • Typically fare well • Report satisfaction prefer same-age peers • Lesbians have more chances partners less likely to die physical attraction less of an issue

  21. Towards Androgyny • Common drift as we age • As Carl Yung envisioned? • Hormonal differences decline • So do gender-role limitations • Gains, not losses, are experienced as both sexes acquire characteristics associated with the other-sex

  22. Men become more sensitive • Women more assertive • We need life experience to truly know ourselves and then know our lovers • We find a passion fueled by maturity

  23. widowhood • Four widows for every widower • They encounter a small pool of potential partners • But still, the great majority fantasize about sex well into their 80’s • Grieving much different than post-divorce • Greater grief

  24. After a Partner Passes • Difficulty forming new relationships • But yet, 50% of widowers and 25% of widows remarry

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