Attraction and Mate Selection

1. Chapter 5 Attraction and Mate Selection

2. Attraction: Why We Like Some People and Not Others • Not surprisingly, people want partners who are sincere and trustworthy. • Not surprisingly, people don’t want partners who are deceitful and mean.

3. Most and Least Likable Traits

4. What about “Nice Guys Finish Last”? • Are women more attracted to jerks than to nice guys? • Women were given descriptions of: • A nice guy (described as “in touch with his feelings and those of his partner”) • A jerk (described as keeping “other people guessing and on their toes – he doesn't go in for all that touchy/feely stuff”)

5. What about “Nice Guys Finish Last”? • They rated the nice guy as more desirable to date and marry than the jerk (Urbaniak & Kilman, 2003). • Contrary to stereotypes, nice guys are more attractive to women than jerks.

6. Do People Seek Perfect People? • People like nice, honest people – but they like these people better if they’re not perfect. • Pratfall effect: People are seen as more attractive if they have small flaws that they feel a bit embarrassed about. • This makes others relate to them better, since everyone thinks they’re practically perfect with just a few small flaws.

7. Similarity: Liking People Who Are Like Us • A sense of similarity is responsible for the pratfall effect. • Do people want a partner who is similar to them? • Do birds of a feather flock together? • Do opposites attract?

8. Birds of a Feather or Opposites? • People are more attracted to those with values and backgrounds that are similar to their own. • Similarity matters less when it comes to personality. • This may be because couples where both partners have similarly high levels of negative personality traits (e.g., neuroticism) are less satisfied.

9. What about opposites? • People within a relationship may take on complementary roles. • For instance, one partner relative to the other may be louder.

10. Why is similarity attractive? • When others have beliefs and ideas that are like ours, they provide reinforcement for our beliefs and ideas. • We expect those who are similar to us to be more likely to like us. • We can better predict the behavior of similar others.

11. Familiarity: Liking What We Know • In addition to similarity, we tend to like those who are familiar. • Mere exposure effect: We like people, pictures, and objects that we have seen more. • But this is only if we’ve seen them under neutral conditions; we will never like people who annoy us, no matter how often we see them, just like we will never like an annoying song on the radio, no matter how many times we hear it.

12. Reciprocity: Liking People Who Like Us • We are more likely to like those who like us: reciprocity. • This is especially true if we’re pretty sure the liking is due to something about us (rather than just because the person who likes us likes everyone).

13. Summing It All Up So Far • We like people who are nice. • We like people with whom we’re comfortable. • We like people who like us. • But what about superficial aspects? What about appearance?

14. Physical Appearance: How Much Does It Matter? • Physical appearance matters. • People like those who are more attractive. • However, people worry about being rejected: • They tend to ask out those who have about the same level of physical attractiveness that they do.

15. Physical Appearance: Why Does It Matter? • It goes beyond just whom you’ll be staring at across the dinner table. • People tend to have a “what is beautiful is good” stereotype: • People (both children and adults) think that attractive others (both children and adults) are smarter, friendlier, and nicer overall.

16. Is What Is Beautiful Really Good? • Because of the self-fulfilling prophesy, attractive people may indeed be a little nicer and friendlier. • They’re treated by others as though they were nicer and friendlier. • This prompts them to actually benicer and friendlier.

17. What Makes Someone Physically Attractive? • Surprisingly, people tend to agree for the most part about who is attractive. • People like those with symmetrical faces. • People like those whose facial features look like an average of many people’s facial features.

18. What Makes Someone Physically Attractive? Composite of: 2 faces 8 faces 32 faces

19. Romantic Attraction and Situations • Relationships and attraction involve more than just the two people in question. • The situation in which they meet also matters. • Proximity: if people are not likely to continuously see each other, they are unlikely to develop a relationship.

20. The Role of the Situation • Misattribution of arousal: if people meet in a situation where their heart rates are elevated, each person may feel the arousal was caused by the other and therefore will find the other more attractive.

21. The Role of the Situation

22. Romantic Attraction in Long-term versus Short-term Relationships • Short term versus long term: People’s standards differ depending on the sort of relationship they’re looking for: • Males’ standards tend to be lower for short-term relationships. • Females’ standards tend to be higher for short-term relationships.

23. First Moves: Signaling Availability and Interest • People signal their interest in others in many ways: • Behavioral synchrony

24. Behavioral synchrony

25. Self-disclosure: Knowing and Being Known • Disclosure reciprocity: disclosing information that is more personal, and covers a wider variety of topics, over time • This increases people’s feelings of closeness and intimacy.

26. The Context of Disclosure • Timing and context are key to disclosure. • Too much disclosure, too fast, may make people uncomfortable. • People who are seen as indiscriminately disclosing tend to be liked less. • Some disclosures may never be appropriate.

27. The Context of Disclosure

28. Conclusion • Relationship research offers a lot of information concerning the process of relationship development. • However, there is more to learn about relationships. • The factors that bring people together are unlikely to be the factors that keep them together.