BE a real MAN

1. BE a real MAN Session 4 Marriage BE a real man – God’s Way

2. Outline for series • The real man and... • Week 1: a friend • Week 2: his devotion to God • Week 3: prayer • Week 4: his marriage • Week 5: his children • Week 6: his acquaintances • Week 7: his work • Week 8: his free time BE a real man – God’s Way

3. Scripture Reading • Ephesians 5:22-33 BE a real man – God’s Way

4. Marriage definitions • The physical and spiritual union of a man and a woman • Harper's Bible Dictionary • A humbling journey • Jim Burns, Creating an Intimate marriage • Covenant, not contract • Contract • Mutual contribution of two business partners • Arrangement ends if contributions are not satisfactory • Covenant • Loving agreement, bonds together in love • Covenant love in bible: Never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love BE a real man – God’s Way

5. The man’s world - Biblical 1. Boy • 1 Corinthians 13:11 (ESV) 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 2. Man BE a real man – God’s Way

6. Transition: Boy to Man BE a real man – God’s Way

7. Man’s world - Modern 1. Boy • G. Stanley Hall, Phsycologist, 1904 2. Adolescence 3. Adolescent Man 3. Man BE a real man – God’s Way

8. Biblical vs Modern times BE a real man – God’s Way

9. Adolescent Man • “The essence of man is taking responsibility” – • Mark Driscoll Why? Responsibility (or lack thereof) BE a real man – God’s Way

10. Biblical Man vsWordly Man BE a real man – God’s Way

11. Tough and Tender BE a real man – God’s Way

12. Tough and Tender BE a real man – God’s Way

13. Tough chauvinist 1: Opposite of Woman • Lacks emotion (other than anger). • Not verbal, no opening up • No deep conversation with wife, selfish • Not physical unless sexual • Learn: • Both man and woman created in image of God • Both have same emotions, express different ways BE a real man – God’s Way

14. Tough chauvinist 2: Success-and-Status • Possessions • Beauty of wife • Appearance • Performance of children • Income • Skills • Degree • Car BE a real man – God’s Way

15. Tough chauvinist 3: I’m the Boss • Hates to be under authority • Appoints himself as king and lord • Be in charge, boss around, barks orders • Whiny • Their wives often weary, shows on faces • Children either dispise or parrot • Bible reading: • Remembers: Man is head over woman • Forgets: Repentance, friendship, love, humility BE a real man – God’s Way

16. Tender coward 1: Little Boy • Disorganised with life • Keeping a job difficult • Responsibilities in way of hobbies, friends • Immature in interests and mannerisms • Money trouble, borrows • Women sometimes attracted, mothering BE a real man – God’s Way

17. Tender coward 2: Sturdy Oak • Works hard – job, garden, house • Pays bills • TV • Always busy on something • Car, internet, housework, study • Something other than connection with family • Solo or male activities – hunt, fish, ride • Physically present, emotionally absent BE a real man – God’s Way

18. Tender coward 3: Hyper-Spiritual • Christian t-shirts, bumper sticker • Christian music, books • Embarrasses wife and children • Everything has connection with out-of-context bible verse/theological position BE a real man – God’s Way

19. Jesus – Tough and Tender • Tough • Religious – All factions • False teachers – Apostle Paul (Saul) • Proud - Pharisees • Arrogant – Pilate, Peter • Tender • Women – Adulteress, Mary, Woman at well • Children – brought by disciples • Suffering – All he healed • Humble – Centurion’s with sick daughter BE a real man – God’s Way

20. Man– Tough and Tender • The husband must so unite authority and love that neither of them may be omitted or concealed, but both will be exercised and maintained. Love must not be exercised so imprudently as to destroy the exercise of authority; and authority must not be exercised over a wife so magisterially and imperiously as to destroy the exercise of love • Richard Baxter - The Godly Home BE a real man – God’s Way

21. Jesus – Take Responsibilty • For Himself • Carpenter • For his Mother • John • For Us • On the cross • The World • Father sent son BE a real man – God’s Way

22. Men– Take Responsibilty • Be head of wife as Christ is of church • Lovingly, humbly, sacrificially leads • Take responsibility • Self, Dependants, Others • The husband must undertake the principal part of the government of the whole family, even of the wife herself • Richard Baxter - The Godly Home • 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. BE a real man – God’s Way

23. What if men don’t? • Men fear commitment – don’t like responsibility • Woman? Fear of men being adolescent men? • When a woman marries a man, she’s trusting that for the rest of her life he won’t hit her, cheat on her, rape her, or kill her; that he’ll work hard, pay the bills, love their children, finish the race well, and walk with Jesus till the end; that if she gets sick, he’ll look after her; that if she is dying, he will be faithful to her. Gentlemen, it is a terrifying thing for a woman to trust a sinful man. Will he take responsibility or dump it all on her? Will he be too tough and crush her? Will he be too tender and allow her to be crushed? – Mark Driscoll BE a real man – God’s Way

24. Robertson McQuilkin My dear wife, Muriel, has been in failing mental health for about eight years. So far I have been able to carry both her ever-growing needs and my leadership responsibilities at CBC. But recently it has become apparent that Muriel is contented most of the time she is with me and almost none of the time I am away from her. It is not just “discontent.” She is filled with fear — even terror — that she has lost me and always goes in search of me when I leave home. Then she may be full of anger when she cannot get to me. So it is clear to me that she needs me now, full-time. Perhaps it would help you to understand if I shared with you what I shared at the time of the announcement of my resignation in chapel. The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel “in sickness and in health … till death do us part.” So, as I told the students and faculty, as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of debt. Duty, however, can be grim and stoic. But there is more; I love Muriel. She is a delight to me — her childlike dependence and confidence in me, her warm love, occasional flashes of that wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough resilience in the face of her continual distressing frustration. I do not have to care for her, I get to! It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person. - Robertson McQuilkin, resignation letter BE a real man – God’s Way

25. Honour your wife - Physically • Do you • Hit her? • Push her? • Grab, restrain, threaten, intimidate, get in her face? • Physical protection in today’s world • Leaving her with too much responsiblity alone? • Finance? Homework? Administration? Children? Workers in home? BE a real man – God’s Way

26. Honour your wife - Emotionally • I’m not emotional, I don’t connect • LIES. Same emotions, different expressions • Male friendships – shoulder to shoulder • Female friendships – face to face • Not enough to say “I didn’t...” • What DID you do then? Try • Be Intimate • Get to know her (again) • Tell her about details • Open up, be honest, be loving, be passionate BE a real man – God’s Way

27. Honour your wife – Love Languages • Words of affirmation • Encouraging words, kind, humble, • Quality Time • Undivided attention • Receiving Gifts • Physical, self • Acts of Service • House work, cooking, errands • Physical Touch • In passing, intimacy The five love languages - Gary Chapman BE a real man – God’s Way

28. Honour your wife – Verbally • “The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; the heart of the wicked is of little worth.” (Proverbs 10:20, ESV) • “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.” (Proverbs 15:2, ESV) • “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4, ESV) • “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (Proverbs 18:21, ESV) • “With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone.” (Proverbs 25:15, ESV) • It is the duty of husbands to preserve the authority of their wives over their children. • Richard Baxter - The Godly Home BE a real man – God’s Way

29. Honour your wife – Financially • “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8, ESV) • The husband is to be the chief provider for the family. • Richard Baxter - The Godly Home • Get a grip on your finances • Delegate if you need to, but you are accountable! BE a real man – God’s Way

30. Honour your wife – Technologically • Commission: • always checking your phone? Always on internet? TV in bedroom? • Have tech free times in the house • Omission: • (if you are the technology minded one...) • Take care of her upgrades • Perhaps record her favourite shows • Make sure her phone is charged BE a real man – God’s Way

31. Conclusion • A good husband will either make a wife good or will easily and profitably endure a bad one. • Richard Baxter, The Godly Home BE a real man – God’s Way

32. Recommended Reading • Discipline of a Godly Man – Kent Hughes • The Godly Home – Richard Baxter • The Five Love Languages – Gary Chapman • Real Marriage – Mark and Grace Driscoll • Creating an intimate marriage – Jim Burns BE a real man – God’s Way

33. Questions ? BE a real man – God’s Way