Relationship Between Wife and Husband Imam SamehAsal
Outline • Objectives of Marriage • Expectations in Marriage • Obligations and Responsibilities • Shared • Husband • Wife • Tips for Successful Marriage • Case Study
Objectives of Marriage • Take THREE (3) minutes and discuss in groups of about 4 people: • What are the objectives of marriage from the human perspective? • What are the objectives of marriage from the Islaamicperspective?
Objectives of Marriage • Islaamic Perspective • Worship Allaah (Al-Thaariyaat, 51:56) • Vicegerent on earth • Story of Aadam (may peace be upon him) • Al-Baqarah, 2:30
Objectives of Marriage • Seeking to earn Allaah’s pleasure • Fulfilling the Sunnah of the Messenger (SAAWS) • Stronger Faith • “The believers, men and women, are protectors one of another…” [Al-Tawbah, 9:71] • “Help you one another in righteousness and piety…” [Al-Maa’idah, 5:2] • Mercy and love and affection • “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put Mawaddah and Rahmah between you; verily, in that are Signs for those who reflect.” [Al-Ruum, 30:21] • “li-taskunuuilaihaa”
Objectives of Marriage • Other Objectives • Pleasure and Ihssun • “He it is Who created you from a single person; and (then) He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her.” [Al-A’raaf, 7:189] • Procreation • Sunnah of Pairing • “And of everything We have created pairs that you may remember.” [Al-Thaariyaat, 51:49]
Objectives of Marriage • Other Objectives • Fulfilling and satisfying parenthood instinct • Progress and advancement of human race • Stronger and healthier society • Proper distribution of tasks and responsibilities • Even animals have intricate and sophisticated societies • Honeybee, ants, termites, lions, etc.
Expectations in Marriage • Divide up into (different) groups and take about FIVE (5) minutes to discuss: • What are the overall expectations from a marriage? • What are the expectations from a wife? • What are the expectations from a husband? • Is there a difference between what ARE and what SHOULD BE the expectations in each case?
Expectations in Marriage • Differences of opinion • Different personalities • Miscommunication and misunderstandings • Obligations and responsibility • Commitment • Family (in-laws) • Pet Peeves • Love and Affection
Expectations in Marriage • Looking out for the best interest of each other • Difficulties • Ups and downs • Roller coaster • Support • Work and other duties • Stress, responsibilities, priorities • Personal development and growth • Sukuun (peace) • Libaas
Expectations in Marriage • Wife’s expectations: • Someone to listen to her • Someone to love her • Someone to support her • Someone to protect her • Someone to provide for her • Someone to help her grow
Expectations in Marriage • Husband’s expectations: • Someone to respect him • Someone to take care of his household • Someone he can take care of • Someone he can protect • Someone to love
Obligations and Responsilibities • Group Time! Take about THREE (3) minutes: • What are the duties/responsibilities/obligations of spouses in general? • Of the wife? • Of the husband?
Obligations and Responsibilities • Shared • Help each other be better Muslims • Treat each other with respect, kindness, and compassion • Fulfill each other’s physical intimate needs and desires • Provide good companionship • Proper understanding of the status of women in Islaam
Obligations and Responsibilities • Wife • Main caregiver of the children • Obedience • Acceptance and Respect of the Husband’s Qawamah
Duties and Responsibilities • Husband • Main financial supporter of family • Allaah has made men superior and therefore accountable for this • Serving and helping • “A believing man must not dislike a believing women. If he dislikes one of her traits, he should remember that there are other traits that he likes.” [Sahih Muslim] • Proper use of Qawamah and proper fulfillment of Qawamah’s responsibilities • “Live with them (your wives) on a footing of kindness and equity. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something in which Allaah has placed a great deal of good.” [Al-Nisaa’, 4:19]
Case Study • Divide up into (different) groups and take about FIVE (5) minutes to: • Read the case studies • Answer the questionswithin the group • Share with the rest of the group
Tips for Successful Marriage • Working together to please Allah • Never go to bed with an unsettled argument • Learn that you have differences • Express opinions in a calm way • Don’t idealize each other. Accept small mistakes as long as they don’t form behavioral problems • Considers each other’s needs even when you don’t understand them
Tips for Successful Marriage • Help each other be better people • Commitment • Knowing and fulfilling duties and responsibilities of each other • Realizing that marriage is a blessing and a test