LEAD 0510 Leadership Development Influencing Others

1. LEAD 0510Leadership DevelopmentInfluencing Others

2. Life’s Basic Assumptions • No two people see the world the same way • No two people react the same way • No two people communicate the same way

3. Group Comparison You come home and see coats, sweaters, shoes, bags and books near the door. “You should consider yourself fortunate to have this person on your team.” “As we look at changing patient and family needs and operational constraints, we should take into account that we have some tried and true ways ofoperating.”

5. Reflections on Interaction Styles • How might others interact with you more effectively? • How might they speed read you?

6. Aligning Your Communication Style How would you modify your communication style when speaking with an “In-Charge” team mate?

7. Aligning Your Communication Style How would you modify your communication style when speaking with a “Chart the Course” team mate?

8. Aligning Your Communication Style How would you modify your communication style when speaking with a “Get-Things-Going” team mate?

9. Aligning Your Communication Style How would you modify your communication style when speaking with a“Behind-the-Scenes” team mate?

10. Reflection • Identify key people • What do you appreciate about them? • What do you think their communication style might be? • What can you do to enhance the quality of the relationship?

11. Turbo Teamwork • Each person must touch each ball based on the established sequence • Only the first person may touch more that one ball at any one time • The balls must travel of their own volition • The balls must travel in numeric order • All teams must meet the time requirements

12. Developing Other-Centeredness • Balance inquiry and advocacy • Ask powerful questions • Remain flexible

13. Potential Approaches H Debate “I am right, you are wrong; I don’t want to listen to a word you say.” Dialogue “I want to understand your perspective and have you explore mine.” Focus on Advocacy Discuss “I hear but I don’t listen; I tell but I don’t sell” Defer “I will listen only to your ideas; mine are of no consequence” L L Focus on Inquiry H

14. What is Dialogue? • Bring your unique pool of meaning • Make it safe to add others meaning to shared pool • Be conscious of expanding pool • Focus on possibilities

15. My Meaning Your Meaning Our Shared Meaning

16. When people purposefully withhold meaning from one another, individually smart people can collectively do stupid things. • Kerry Patterson

17. Dialogue At the core of every successful conversation lies the free flow of relevant information. People openly and honestly express their opinions, share their feelings, and articulate their theories. Paterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler: Crucial Conversations

18. Practice Opportunity “What is one thing you like to do – and wish you could do more of?”

19. Asking Better Questions • Explore for greater understanding • Display genuine curiosity • Look for what’s missing

20. Use Questions Appropriately • Closed Questions • Open Questions

21. Open Question Open Question Open/Directive Questions Closed Question Closed Question Closed Question Closed Question Open Question Open Question Every door you open reveals more of the other person’s mental models. A Process-Oriented Approach

22. Effective Questioning Behaviours • Use questions appropriately • Establish eye contact • Summarize and paraphrase

23. Intuitive Listening: Empathetic Listening Learned Behaviours Affective Attentive Selective Ignoring Learned Behaviours

24. Affective Listening • Be fully present • Invite intimacy • Show you care • Focus on empathy • Delight in the unknown

25. Practice Opportunity What are the biggest opportunities for change you have in your current role?

26. Lunch!!!! • Enjoy lunch as a team • Begin to pray and think about what you may want to focus on for your presentation • How will you apply lessons learned to date?

27. The Emotionally Intelligent Person Our Behaviors Emotional Connectedness Emotional Self-Management Self Awareness

28. The Emotionally Intelligent Person Our Behaviors Emotional Connectedness Emotional Self-Management Self Awareness

29. The Emotionally Intelligent Person Our Behaviors Emotional Connectedness Emotional Self-Management Self Awareness

30. The Emotionally Intelligent Person Our Behaviors Emotional Connectedness Emotional Self-Management Self Awareness

31. Impact Intention vs. Impact Emotions Intention Behaviors

32. Brain Stem – Basic Functions • Temperature • Breathing • Heart Rate • Reflexes How the Human Brain Works

33. Limbic Ring • Amygdala • Site of emotional memory • Site of learning • Answers critical questions of human survival How the Human Brain Works

34. Neo-Cortex • Site of IQ • Site of working memory How the Human Brain Works

35. The Emotional Hijack • Increased heart rate • Blood to large muscle groups • Adrenalin • Cortisol to neocortex

36. Typical Responses • Fight

37. Typical Responses • Fight • Flight

38. Typical Responses • Fight • Flight • Freeze

39. Typical Responses • Fight • Flight • Freeze • Freak

40. What does this mean? • Our capacity to think is impacted by our emotional state

41. Hardwiring of the Brain • EMOTION comes before THOUGHT • We FEEL before we THINK

42. An Emotional Hijack • Body responds • Increase in heart rate • Increase in breathing • Increase in reflexes

43. An Emotional Hijack • Body responds • Working memory decreases • 4 variables • 4 --------- 3,2,1 • Default to 1 for protection If unaddressed, the effect lasts 18 minutes

44. Multiple options

45. A minor trigger….

46. Stress increases…. Perceptual narrowing under stress.

47. Before you know it, you’re just seeing red. Full blown hijack….

48. An Emotional Hijack • Body responds • Working memory decreases • Brain toxicity occurs • Chemicals release into blood Takes 3 – 4 hours for blood to clear

49. Internalizing Awareness • Identify triggered moments • Capture your ‘story’

50. Coming to the Boiling Point Full Scale Hijacking Third Trigger Toxicity Second Trigger First Trigger Time