Reflections of a Grieving Spouse

Reflections of a Grieving Spouse The Unexpected Journey from Loss to Renewed Hope H. Norman Wright Presentation by Stephanie Warner

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” ― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Grief • Emotions – Anger, Depression, Pain, Fear • Recovery/Renewal

What is Grief? • When have you experienced grief? What was the grief experience like for you? • Definition • Disorderly process • You aren’t alone… • Isaiah 53:3

Grief & Loss • Loss in grief is not only physical, but also loss of presence • Secondary Losses • Examples • Word Association • Amputation • Longing • Apathy • Yearning • Ache

Grief – why? • Job asked…16 times • Others asked too: • Psalm 10:1 • Psalm 13:1-2 • Matthew 27:45 • No answers • Importance of remembering who we are and who God is

Symptoms of Grief • “crazy” feelings are actually a sane response • Distorted thinking patterns • “crazy” or irrational thoughts • Fearful thoughts • Feelings of despair & hopelessness • Out of control or numbed emotions • Changes in sensory perception • Increased irritability • Want to talk a lot or not at all • Memory lags • Inability to concentrate

Symptoms of Grief • Obsessive focus on the loved one • Losing track of time • Increase or decrease of appetite and/or sexual desire • Difficulty falling or staying asleep • Dreams in which the deceased exist • Nightmares with death themes • Physical illness • Shattered beliefs about life, the world, and God

Encouragement with sleep trouble • Read/memorize scripture as you try to close your eyes • Prov. 3:24 • Prov. 3:24-26 • Psalm 63:6-7 • Psalm 94:19 • Psalm 4:8

Reasons for Grief • We don’t always need reasons! • Reasons do not make the situation better or more comfortable • Grief has to happen with no boundaries of time or location • What do we need to know about our/others time of suffering? • Examples

Why Grief? • Why do we go through grief? What is the purpose? • Through grief you express your feelings about your loss. • Express protest at the loss and a desire to change what happened. • Express the effects you have experienced from the impact of the loss. • Experience God in a new way that will change your life. (Job 42:5)

Anger • Common grieving reaction – feeling of displeasure, irritation, and protest • To whom is anger directed? • Yourself • Doctors • Hospital • Spouse • God • Dealing with Anger • Examples • Break apart anger and evaluate your thoughts • Psam 13:1-3, 5-6

Fears • Loss and Fear go hand in hand • How will we survive? • Cripples relationships • Imagine the worst • Lead to total anxiety and dread • Identifying fears • Freedom from fears • 1 Peter 5:7 • Isaiah 26:3 • Philippians 4:6-9 • Isaiah 41:10

Depression & Grief • Always a temptation to shut down when painful feelings come - can lead to depression • Paralyzing sense of helplessness • Passive and resigned • Everything seems out of focus • Seems to be no way out • You feel all alone • Changes the way you see God

Dealing with Depression • Christians can be depressed (not always brought on by sin) • Evaluating your feelings – 3 questions • What is it like when you feel depressed? • Right now, what type of weather forecast best describes where you are in the process of dealing with your loss? • Where on the scale would you place your current grief process? • 4 stages

Unresolved Grief

Moving On and Letting Go • Make amends • “Letting Go” letter • Communicate with your grief • Help others help you • Let God surprise you • Journal • Farewell Letter

To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness.” – Erich Fromm

Reflections of a Grieving Spouse