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Love Defined

Love Defined. “What is love?”. God made us to desire sex rooted in the attraction to the beauty we see in others This desire leads us to union Needs to be ordered toward a sincere gift of self. 1. We often confuse love with attraction Taught that love and sex are the same

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Love Defined

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  1. Love Defined “What is love?”

  2. God made us to desire sex • rooted in the attraction to the beauty we see in others • This desire leads us to union • Needs to be ordered toward a sincere gift of self 1

  3. We often confuse love with attraction • Taught that love and sex are the same • Often can’t differentiate between love and lust • We expect love to be easy 2

  4. Opposite of love… • Utilitarianism - the philosophy of maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain, often at the expense of others. When applied in relationships, one ends up using a person for one’s own gain. • Using = makes something or someone a means to an end • Person becomes an object 3

  5. Utilitarianism • Emphases on usefulness • It is useful if it gives pleasure and eliminates pain • Happiness = pleasure • Pleasure is the ultimate good • Moral standards based on maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain • If this is accomplished you are “moral” 4

  6. Utilitarianism • Modern culture has adopted this philosophy • Not always done intentionally • Using is the opposite of loving • Lust is an example of this kind of philosophy 5

  7. Utilitarianism and Relationships • We often use one another in relationships • Focused on instant gratification • We choose to satisfy our desires instead of doing what is best for everyone • If both parties agree - they are simply agreeing to be used • Contrary to nature of the human person • Utilitarianism is contrary to Christ’s commandment to love 6

  8. Bellwork 9/1/09 • “Love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friend” - John 15:13-14 • What does JPII consider the opposite of love? • Briefly summarize utilitarianism

  9. Personalistic Norm • Personalistic norm = “The person is a good towards which the only proper and adequate attitude is love” • We only deserve love • We should not be used as a means to an end • We instinctively reject being used • Value of person is greater than value of pleasure 7

  10. Movie clip “What is love”

  11. What is Love? • Mutual relationship between persons • Not one-sided • Three aspects of love • Love as attraction • Love as desire • Love as goodwill 8

  12. 1. Love as Attraction • Recognizing the good of another person • Seeing the inner and outer beauty • The emotions are present here 9

  13. 2. Love as Desire • It is aimed at finding a good which it lacks • We are limited beings • Sex (being male/female) is a limitation to our humanity • Leads us to seek fulfillment in another • “I want you because you are good for me” • Never becomes utilitarian • Felt as a longing for the other person 10

  14. 3. Love as Goodwill • “For love is not merely a feeling; it is in an act of the will that consists of preferring in a constant manner, the good of the other, to the good of oneself.” • John Paul II 11

  15. 3. Love as Goodwill • To will the good of the other • This is the closest to the love with which God loves us • An active decision • Giving of oneself totally • Love is not judged by intensity of emotion felt • Love does not seek to gain but to give 12

  16. Living love in Relationships • Ask the question: • Is what we are doing really BEST for my beloved? • This question should be asked in all relationships • If you are doing what is genuinely best for the beloved, then you are living love 13

  17. Bellwork 9/2/09 • “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.” - John 3:16-17 • What is Chastity in your understanding?

  18. Chastity frees us to love The word “chastity” needs to be rehabilitated - John Paul II

  19. Chastity is not… • Sexual repression • Unhealthy response to sexuality • Leads to prudishness and fear of sexuality • Can le ad to reckless sexual behavior later • Abstinence • Not having sex 14

  20. Chastity is… • A virtue that directs our sexual desires and attitudes toward the truth of love • Virtue:a habit of doing good. Done easily, joyfully, promptly. • Chastity is the integration of sexuality within the person • Unity of body and spirit 15

  21. Chastity is… • Perfect expression of love - not too much, not too little • Say with your body what you really mean • Expressing love physically in the right way • Exercise of the will - a choice to express love properly • Keeps us from using each other as objects makes them capable of love 16

  22. Bellwork 9/9/09 • “When you resolve fully to live a clean life, chastity will not be a burden to you; it will be a triumphant crown” -Josemaria Escriva • List the 3 aspects of love. • Summarize in a few words: Love as desire • List two things chastity is not. • In a few words: define what chastity is.

  23. Chastity is… • “Only the chaste man and woman are capable of love”- JPII • Not possible without love • Requires us to put others before ourselves • Expressing yourself in the way that is best for them • Says yes to the demands of love and fights the selfish desire to lust 17

  24. Chastity is… • not just a virtue for the unmarried or dating • All Christians are called to chastity • Even married couples • When we are not expressing love perfectly with our bodies we are lying with our bodies - sexual lie 18

  25. Chastity includes… • Purity (CCC 2517-2527) • When our intellect and will are conformed to God’s holiness • Enables us to see as God sees • Seeking to find God and do his will in everything • Purity requires modesty 19

  26. Chastity includes… • Modesty: (CCC 2521-2522) • “refusing to unveil what should remain hidden” • It protects the dignity of the person • Encourages patience and moderation in love • It demands fulfillment of the appropriate commitment between man and woman • Includes: clothing, choice of language and humor, dancing 20

  27. Is chastity an obstacle? • When we lust instead of love… • Pleasure is the end instead of the good of the other person • Chastity is then seen as repression • When we equate sex or sensual feelings with love… • Chastity appears to separate them and therefore is the enemy of love 21

  28. Living Chastity

  29. Living chastity while single • Physical expressions should always match the type of relationship and the commitment attached to it. • Friends with benefits? • Dancing? Does it properly express the kind of relationship? 22

  30. Living chastity while dating • Expressing love physically is ok • Nothing that arouses sexual desire • Arousal is symbolic of readiness to give oneself fully • Touch that is affirming • Holding hands, kissing 23

  31. Living chastity while engaged • Promise to marry has been made • Element of commitment that is not present in dating • Initial gift of self has been made • Physical expression • Arousal permitted 24

  32. Living chastity in marriage • Most difficult in marriage! • Vows indicate complete gift of self • Body should image that gift • Sexual intercourse is most perfect bodily expression of the gift • is exclusive to marriage for this reason • “Renewal of vows” • In marriage there are reasons to be abstinent: financial, health, emotional, etc. 25

  33. Sum it up! • Utilitarianism vs. the Personalistic Norm • 3 aspects of love: love as attraction, desire and goodwill • Defined love as willing the good of the other • Chastity helps us express love perfectly • Living Chastity in relationships

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