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By Sue Pivetta

By Sue Pivetta. …www.911Trainer.com. By Sue Pivetta mediator. Goals for this hour: Understand conflict as mediators understand conflict Recognizing conflict in behavioral terms in the Comm Center environment Gain 3 Neutralizing Tools Get a conflict in your mind…. What is peace?.

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By Sue Pivetta

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  1. By Sue Pivetta

  2. …www.911Trainer.com By Sue Pivettamediator Goals for this hour: Understand conflict as mediators understand conflict Recognizing conflict in behavioral terms in the Comm Center environment Gain 3 Neutralizing Tools Get a conflict in your mind….

  3. Whatis peace? • What is your definition of peace? • What is peace to you personally? • Is peace the lack of conflict? • Describe what the complete lack of conflict would be like? • Absence of negative behaviors feelings? • Presence of cooperation - YEA!

  4. Whatis CONFLICT? You don't or won't give me, or have not given me, or may not give me, what I want/need. You took, are taking or may be taking something I value. In other words…loss

  5. Assigned Evil Intent DONE ME WRONG. (the other cares NOT about me/us - selfish – uncaring - de-values us/me – dismisses legitimate facts – blamed without cause – should apologize) i.e. Officers complain don't understand us..they don’t repsect • Limited Resources(conflict over time, $$ allocation, space, fair distribution, equal treatment, freedom) i.e. pay equality, time off, who goes to training. • My Style Culture (conflict involving personality, perspectives, lifestyles, values, beliefs, ways of being, dress, liestyle). i.e. religion, politics, parents vs single & OT, race gender, • Our Methods things were done.) Gen X, laziness, cleaning, chairs, new anything, seniority. Whenis CONFLICT?

  6. Power– need to control, need to influence, need to be heard and counted in or valued as important, win • We are not involved in decisions. Just a dispatcher. They don't listen. • Approval – affection, acceptance, ok-ness, fitting in, being seen as a good (right) person. • Unfair evaluations, QA programs, micromanagement. • Inclusion – need for social acceptance - to be vital, needed, honored, valuable to the agency. • Gossip, cliques, favoritism, new rookie hazing, • Justice – need to be treated fair, equality, right, need for apology for wrong (perceived), retribution. • Inequality with responders pay, retirement, benefits, seniority, training. What is the need

  7. UNRESOLVED CONFLICT? Resentment, sabotage, grievances, militancy, micromanagement (?) absent management hierarchy, punishing, withdrawal, cold or bitter behavior, defensive posture, labeling, enemies, guarded communications, suspicion, mistakes as weapons, history as guide, time wasted on defending, unhappy employees, unhappy management, CYA, hidden agendas, 'just a job',

  8. UNRESOLVED CONFLICT? thinking the worst of any intent from the 'other', feelings of victimization, people drained and joyless, evidence gathering of others weakness and mistakes, reactive management, reactive emotions, slow movement towards change, poor communications, regular misunderstandings, tension, fear, uncertainty, high turnover, low job satisfaction, feelings of being targeted, doubt, worry, sick leave abuse, illness, exhaustion, blame, self doubt, shame, retaliation Burn out……TOO MUCH FOR TOO LITTLE FOR TOO LONG HISTORY AS A GUIDE

  9. 911 RESENTMENT I don't trust anyone here. They act like they don't care about us. They micromanage. I can't stand the politics. There are cliques - if you are in that's great, but if you are out, it's hell. Favoritism is the name of this game. I've been burned, now it's just a job. They say they are going to do this or that, change this or that - never happens. We have been studied to death, but nothing changes. I was told my personal life didn't matter. Always negative, nothing positive. You speak your mind and you get punished. I'm here for the paycheck. I love the work, I hate the job. I feel trapped, I could leave, but why should I have to. What is it that 'they' do anyway? 'They' are like little kids, fighting and complaining continually. One person does something, we all get a memo. The unwritten rules are many. They create divides between us. I don't trust anyone here. You can’t please them I feel misunderstood THE DEATH OF TRUST LONG PAINFUL DEMISE

  10. Peacemakers Can Promote Unity Harmony Cohesion Camaraderie Kindness Compassion Cooperation Being Present Teamwork Clear Communications Mistakes as Guide Understanding Embracing Change Wellness Acts Growth Interest Dedication Hard Work Collaboration Support Solidarity Fellowship Progress Enthusiasm Being Keen Perseverance Allegiance Loyalty All built on a foundation of being valued, trusted and listened to Stop? Start?

  11. THEY WILL FEEL Trust Wellness Safety Caring Certainty Confidence Satisfaction Concern for others Lightheadedness thoughtfulness Charity Hope Belief in future Respect Well being Cheerfulness Helpfulness Job satisfaction Fulfillment Pleasure at work - Happiness Contentment Joyful attendance Pride in self and others, How can a workplace move to this… HINT….One person at a time It only takes one person to change to change the dynamics of an agency That person must make purposeful and determined efforts to understand others That person must have skills 1ST let's understand

  12. THE CONFLICT TRIANGLE Every party believes they are the hero or victim… VICTIM NEEDS HERO VILLIAN how can I…change my own role …it’s automatic….3 things you can do to become the peacemaker

  13. Differing Values / Needs WHAT IS ANGER? You are violating the RULES VICTIM Inner - Be Thin, Stop Smoking - Affair International - Treaty of Versailles National - Gun Control Safety? Or Freedom? Divorce - affairs / needs / kids Comm Center Lights on off HERO VILLIAN

  14. Once upon a time… ….and then one day ….and because of that ….and because of that ….and because of that When did the knife go in?? Wounded - stuck - limping - whining - negative - take it out by ____

  15. #1. BECOME THE CURIOUS OBSERVER • Thinking in this way removes you from the role of victim or hero. • I wonder why this is so important to her. I know why it's important to me - I'm right • I am trying to understand why he is upset. I am upset because I can't get what I want. • I want to understand why he believes he is right. I know I'm right - he is wrong. • Why does she need this, Why do I? www.911Trainer.com

  16. #1. BECOME THE CURIOUS OBSERVER • Thinking in this way removes you from the role of victim or hero. • I wonder why this is so important to heror them? • I am trying to understand why he is upset) • I want to understand why he believes he is right • What is their LOSS here • What does this person value (that I don't)

  17. #1. BECOME THE CURIOUS SUPERVISOR-TRAINER-DIRECTOR (Colombo • Thinking in this way removes you from the role of hero. • What has been done so far between you to solve this? • What didn't work? Why? • What do they want? • What do you want? • What is the loss / threat? • How can you …? • What is possible? What is not possible?

  18. All behaviors make sense… …if you think simply…”this person has a need or fear”

  19. #2. GIVE FIRST..WHAT YOU WANT TO RECEIVE And that is always to be heard, understood, believed and respected. Regardless and Nevertheless Birthdays? Customer Service? Cold Shoulder? Soften, let go

  20. #3. REFRAME . Take the negative and turn it into a request…(You are a slob) – you want me to clean the kitchen? . Soften the label..(He’s greedy) – you feel he is overly concerned about money. They are lazy - you feel they need to answer the call faster? Be curious – (I don’t want to talk about this) – are you thinking we can’t ever agree? (Nothing ever changes.) ..are you feeling stuck. Be agreeable not defensive – (I already told you!) – You did, I must not have understood, can you say it in another way. ……so let me just get more clarity. .

  21. #3. FRAME . "You don't care about me!" "You believe I don't listen to you?" "No you criticize me in front of others." "Was that …at the party when I said…. Is that when?" "Yes. That was rude and embarrassed me" "I am sorry." (a note about apologies) Shift from general feelings to event or behavior Shift from past to current reality Shift from past to future She is greedy. Are you referring to the child support. He isn’t trustworthy! Can you tell me what is or has been happening to create that feeling?

  22. So peacemaking concerns a deeper way of looking at conflicts than just winning or losing. Look at conflicts as opportunities for people to grow, to accept responsibility for the relationships they are in, and for the potential of apology and forgiveness and improved relationships and trust.” www.911trainer.com Ck out My Blog sue@911trainer.com

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