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Excerpts from

Excerpts from. University Counseling Center. COLLEGE!. Pride. Relief. Panic. Sadness. Awe. Excitement. Peace. Gratitude. Fear. The college years are a time for:. furthering healthy development --social, emotional, & professional development of the entire family exploring new roles

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Excerpts from

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  1. Excerpts from University Counseling Center

  2. COLLEGE! Pride Relief Panic Sadness Awe Excitement Peace Gratitude Fear

  3. The college years are a time for: • furthering healthy development--social, emotional, & professional development of the entire family • exploring new roles • enhancing self-confidence • learning additional coping skills • solidifying one’s identity and purpose • learning from successes & mistakes--within the security of our unconditional love and acceptance

  4. and, for some, the college years may also mean: • separation anxiety and depression • power struggles • visits home driven by guilt and obligation • family crises as distractions to development • solidification of unhealthy patterns • financial challenges • confusion about new roles

  5. What type of life do you want for your adult children?

  6. What “Letting Grow” looks like • We have a sense of personal security about the job we did as parents. • We act as role models/mentors of positive self-esteem, health, wellness, & maturity. • We demonstrate unconditional love for our children and ourselves. • We are honest about our own imperfections and open to lifelong learning and growth. • We allow our adult children to learn in the ways they learn best.

  7. Respect & Trust Encouragement Safe relationships Respect for boundaries & privacy Fun & play Appropriate affection Invitations (not mandates) to be involved in family activities ROLE MODELS: healthy choices & relationships self-respect and self-discipline coping skills personal accountability for mistakes healthy lifestyles healthy communication Parenting needs of adult children

  8. Support & Empowerment •  Empowerment: guide vs. taking action •  Time management •  Difference between high school/college • Money Management, Budgets, & Credit Cards

  9. When To Step In • repeated, tearful phone calls • significant, rapid change in weight • frequent illness or fatigue • marked changes in behavior or mood • social withdrawal or poor class attendance • compulsive behaviors • difficulty coping with a trauma or family crisis • prolonged, recurrent, or severe sadness or anxiety • threats of suicide or signs of substance abuse

  10. Who’re you gonna call? Life threatening emergencies: University Police (361) 825-4444 General concerns: Student Affairs Office (361) 825-2612 Concerns about emotional well-being, handling crisis, referrals, etc.: University Counseling Center (361) 825-2703 or Dr. Chenaux Ms. DeGaish Dr. Harper-Ray

  11. What if my adult child asks to quit school? • Suggest that she/he talk with an advisor, professor, or counselor. • Discuss the pros and cons. • Help her/him articulate options (vs lecturing or threatening). • Be empathic & listen.

  12. What if my adult child has special needs? • Suggest that she/he contact Services for Students with Disabilities Ms. Suzanne Grant at (361) 825-5816. • Encourage self-advocacy. • Suggest that she or he contact the University Counseling Center (361-825-2703), if needed.

  13. What about roommate problems? • Encourage open, respectful communication. • Encourage a talk with the resident advisor or apartment manager. • For serious problems, contact the Director of Housing (361) 825-2835, Dr. Amanda Chesser • Suggest they meet jointly w/a counselor.

  14. Avoiding the “empty nest” syndrome: Don’t take things personally. It’s your new beginning too! Keep busy. Keep in touch. Take care of yourself.

  15. Exercising Healthy Eating Talking to Yourself--positively Writing, Journaling Being Creative Cultivating Healthy Relationships Counseling Use of Healthy Relaxation Methods Practice Optimism Cultivating Humor & Play Reaching Out to Others--Besides our Children SELF-HELP STRATEGIES

  16. $$$ worries Physical health concerns Being “caught in the middle” Competing expectations Too little communication Too much information Deaths Overprotectiveness/ over-control or abandonment Parental divorce Untreated emotional health concerns Top 10Stressorsfrom home:

  17. Positive communication “I love you” Care packages including community updates A forgiven past Family stability Happy, healthy parents/role models Peacefulvisits home Relating adult-to-adult Ability to laugh and play together Modeling & encouraging help-seeking Top 10Success Enhancersfrom home:

  18. Letting Grow is a win-win situation for everyone!

  19. www.collegeparents.org • Advancing Personal Financial Knowledge • Combating Alcohol Abuse on Campushow to talk about binge drinking • Fighting Scholarship Scams • Making Spring Break Safer • Campus Fire Safety • Avoiding Financial Losses Newsletter: The College Parent Advisor 1-888-256-4627

  20. When in doubt aboutwho to call, call Student Affairs 361.825.2612 Dr. Eliot Chenaux Ms. Ann DeGaish

  21. For Further Reading Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Levin Coburn Mothers and Daughters: Loving and Letting Go by Evelyn S. Bassoff

  22. Empty Nest… Full Heart: The Journey from Home to College by Andrea Van Steenhouse Becoming a Wise Parent for Your Grown Child: How to Give Love and Support Without Meddlingby Ph.D. Betty Frain &Eileen M. Clegg

  23. Give Them Wingsby Carol Kuykendall Grown-Up Children Who Won't Grow UpbyLarry V., Stockman &Cynthia S. Graves

  24. Don’t Tell Me What to Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years (Johnson & Schelhas-Miller) http://www.powells.com/subsection/CareersCollegeAdmissionandSurvival.html

  25. University Counseling Center • For appointments, have the student: • Call (361) 825-2703 or • Stop by the Driftwood Building • For after hours emergencies (threat of danger to self or others): • Call University Police at 825.4444

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