Understanding the Gifted Perfectionist

1. Understanding the Gifted Perfectionist

2. Perfectionism • On your paper draw a rough sketch of someone you know that is a perfectionist. • List at least five characteristics that help you know that person has a tendency towards perfection.

3. Perfectionism • Dr. Miriam Adderholdt-Elliot’s book Perfectionism: What’s Bad About Being Too Good? offers the following thoughts… • “For most people, perfectionism isn’t a big problem. It can be, however, for one group in particular, gifted kids.”

4. Perfectionism • What’s the big deal anyway? Being a Perfectionist has never hurt anyone! • According to Whitmore, 1980, The pressure towards perfection is the most overlooked, yet influential aspect of being gifted.

5. Perfectionism • A 1984 University of Georgia study of women students discovered the higher the perfectionism score, the lower the self-concept score. • Type “A” behavior people have a greater than average chance of having high blood pressure, heart attacks and strokes.

6. Perfectionism • Perfectionism is part of being gifted. • Expectations are extremely high for gifted students. • School, society, family and self can contribute to the idea that peak performance should be the norm for students selected for gifted programs. • Although it can breed excellence it can also be destructive, leading students to think that the only efforts worth making are those that end in perfect achievement. Delisle, pg. 34 Guiding the Social and Emotional Development of Gifted Youth

7. Pursuit of Excellence vs. Perfectionism • What do you think is the difference between a healthy pursuit of excellence and unhealthy perfectionism? • The healthy pursuit of excellence is positive. Having ideals and high standards is good and needed to achieve great things. • Here is what one student had to say:

8. Pursuit of Excellence Vs. Perfectionism • Doing the research necessary for a term paper, working hard on it, turning it in on time and feeling good about it. • Doing three drafts of a term paper, staying up two nights in a row and still handing your paper in late because you had to get it right- and still feeling bad about it.

9. Pursuit of Excellence Vs. Perfectionism • Studying for a test ahead of time, taking it with confidence, and feeling good about your score of 96. • Studying at the last minute(after three days of procrastination, taking the test with sweaty palms, and feeling depressed about your 96 because a friend got a 98.

10. Pursuit of Excellence Vs. Perfectionism • Choosing to work on group projects because you enjoy leaning from the varied experience and approaches of different people. • Always working alone because no one can do as good a job as you and you’re not about to let anyone else slide by on your “A”

11. Pursuit of Excellence Vs. Perfectionism • Accepting an award with pride even though the engraver misspelled your name. (You know that it can be fixed later) • Accepting the award resentfully because that dumb engraver didn’t get your name right.

12. Pursuit of Excellence Vs. Perfectionism • Going out with people who are interesting, likeable and fun to be with. • Refusing to go out with people who aren’t straight “A” students.

13. Pursuit of Excellence Vs. Perfectionism • Being willing to try new things, take risks,and learn from your experience and your mistakes. • Avoiding new experiences because you are terrified of making mistakes. • By the way…don’t say, “We don’t expect you to be perfect, we just expect you to do your best.” Most of the time perfectionists think their best IS perfection. www.hoagiesgifted.org/perfectionHG.htm Shaun Hately

14. Perfectionism Take the quiz in your handout to see if you have the tendency to be a perfectionist. • Strongly Agree +2 • Agree Somewhat +1 • Can’t Decide 0 • Disagree Somewhat –1 • Strongly Disagree -2

15. Perfectionism If your total is between +15 and +20, you’re TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE If your total is between +10 and +14, you’re TOO GOOD FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. If your total is between +5 and +9, you’re A BORDERLINE PERFECTIONIST If your total is between +1 and +4, you’re a HEALTHY PURSUER OF EXCELLENCE If your total is between 0 and –5 you’re USE TO HANGING LOOSE If your total is between –6 and –10, you’re A LITTLE TOO RELAXED If your total is between –11 and –20, you’re BARELY BREATHING

16. Perfectionism • A score of +20 indicates a high degree of perfectionism • Half of the general population is between +2 and +16

17. Perfectionism ·Perfectionism is a result of social learning that occurs in childhood. Families and teachers reward the “eager beaver.” ·Usually first born children (more firstborns are also identified as gifted and talented) ·Seems hereditary because it seems to pass from one generation to the next.

18. Perfectionism • The Superkid syndrome – we “hothouse” our preschoolers. Just like raising a flower in a green house we try to give them more at an earlier age. No time for creative thinking…too much is scheduled in. • Workaholic kids – rewarded for the things they do, not for the personal qualities they are developing. • Media says everything and everyone is perfect.

19. Perfectionism CONSEQUENCES: • Mood Swings • Quantity of achievements is more important than the quality • Telescoping – magnify goals you haven’t met, minify goals you have already accomplished so they seem insignificant

20. Perfectionism Consequences (Continued) • Too focused on the future • Must get it right-no room to fail • Procrastination – if it can’t be perfect you put it off

21. Perfectionism So now what do we do to help students who are being crippled by perfectionism?

22. Perfectionism • Appreciate the trait! Share with your children that you have often felt the same way and how you have dealt with your feelings. Perfectionism can lead to the healthy pursuit of excellence. • Be careful how you talk to your child. Part of giftedness is extra sensitivity. They do not hear your compliments and your “helpful” words are painful and cause them to focus them on what is wrong.

23. Perfectionism How to Combat Procrastination As Mae West states “He Who Hesitates is Last”

24. Perfectionism How to Combat Procrastination Procrastinators: • Do not start projects for fear of failing. • Do not hand in a finished project because it is not good enough. • Start so many projects there isn’t time to complete any of them. • Are afraid to take risks

25. Perfectionism How to Combat Procrastination What do you do to help procrastinators?

26. Perfectionism How to Combat Procrastination • Keep a “To-Do” List and rank order what is most important to complete. List the amount of time you think it will take. • Set goals. • Begin your day with the most difficult task, the rest of the day will be easy in comparison. • Remove distractions from your study area. (Example, T.V., radio, magazines) • Develop a support system

27. Perfectionism Talk About It • One of the best ways to combat perfectionism is to share your stress with a parent, peer, teacher or counselor. Use a support system to help keep you focused on your goals but also have fun.

28. Perfectionism Savor Your Success • Perfectionist are usually so busy they don’t take time to savor their success. • Plan a reward for everything you accomplish whether it is large or small. (Example: I handed my paper in on time so I get a new book) • Accept compliments and praise yourself!

29. Perfectionism • Schedule time to have fun together as a family. Another strategy is to have your child walk with you for 30 minutes every other day. After the initial resistance, you will find they love the exercise and begin to talk to you about what is going on in their life.

30. Understanding the Gifted Underachiever

31. Underachievement • Draw a picture of an underachiever. It could be a friend, student, neighbor, relation, etc. • List characteristics the person has that lets you know he/she is underachieving.

32. Underachievement What is your definition of underachievement?

33. Underachievement • When a child has a high I.Q. and low grades in school (Ziv) • One whose achievement score is lower than his/her ability score. (Kowitz) • The discrepancy between the child’s school performance and some index of his/her actual ability. Ability can be defined by a test or by observing the child at home or at school.(Rimm) • A student who is not working up to his/her potential. (Coil)

34. Underachievement Jim Delisle offers a broader definition that focuses more on behaviors. • According to Delisle, a precise definition like those given on the previous page do not always fit every child.

35. Underachievement According to Jim Delisle….. • Underachievement is content and situation specific. • Underachievement is in the eye of the beholder. • Underachievement is tied intimately to self-concept development.

36. Underachievement According to Jim Delisle (cont)…. • Underachievement implies that adults disapprove of a child’s behavior. • Underachievement is a learned set of behaviors.

37. Underachievement • Signs usually begin in third/fourth grade. Middle school or junior high usually marks the highest point of consistent underachievement. • Some reverse in high school, but most continue the pattern into adulthood. • The earlier you intervene the better.

38. Underachiever Vs. Non-Producer The scary reality… In a review of 30 years worth of research studies on underachievement, Raph and Tannenbaum reported that of the studies they analyzed they did not find one unified explanation of the phenomenon of underachievement. Asbury and Ziv concurs that their were no specific psychosocial factors seen consistently associated with underachievement.

39. Underachievement Dr. Sylvia Rimm asks the following questions of parents. Score 1 point for each YES response. 1. Was my child the center of an unusual amount of attention for the first three years of his/her life? 2. Were my child’s parents divorced before he/she was a teenager? 3. Did my child have many health problems as a preschooler?

40. Underachievement 4. Does my child have a same gender sibling who is less than three years younger or older than he/she? 5. Does my child want a lot of one-to-one attention?

41. Underachievement Scoring: 4-5 points: The child encountered very serious risks for underachievement. 2-3: The child encountered fairly serious risks for underachievement. 1: The child encountered only minor risks for underachievement. 0: Indicates no obvious risk factors that would lead to underachievement.

42. Underachievement Are there different types of underachievers? • Perfectionist Pearl • Passive Paul • Sick Sam • Taunted Terrance • Torn Tommy • Jock Jack, Social Sally, Dramatic Dick • Academic Alice • Manipulative Mary • Creative Chris • Rebellious Rebecca • Hyperactive Harry • Bully Bob

43. Underachievement Early Risks • There is nothing in research that suggests underachievement is inherited. We must look at LEARNED behaviors. • Usually initiate the habits very early, before entering school.

44. Underachievement Early Risks Environmental Factors that COULD lead to underachievement • The unwelcome child • The overwelcome child • Early health problems • Particular Sibling Combinations • Specific Parenting Relationships • The Gifted Child

45. Underachievement Parents play a major role in underachievement.

46. Underachievement Can the school make a difference? YES!!

47. Underachievement Structure • A teacher who has a loosely organized classroom can cause underachievers to flounder. • A teacher who is too rigid can also cause problems with underachievers getting into a power struggle.

48. Underachievement Competition • Underachievers do not cope with competition well. • Avoid open announcements of grades. • Public criticism of a child’s work. • Comparison of class papers. • Look of surprise if a student does well.

49. Underachievement Competition • Do encourage individual performance evaluation. • Group or team competition is fine as long as one child isn’t singled out. • Classroom contests against another classroom are best. It teaches students in a safe way how to win or lose.

50. Underachievement Labeling • The Pygmalion Effect • A label of “learning disabled” can have a drastic effect on the child’s achievement and self concept. • 15% decrement in grades is the average impact.