Building Resiliency Skills in Young Children: Strategies for Parents of Elementary Age Students

1. Building Resiliency Skills in Young Children: Strategies for Parents of Elementary Age Students Cyndi McCrea, M.Ed School Counselor Maureen Fulkerson,M.Ed School Counselor Kristi Hockensmith, Ph.D. School Psychologist

2. Agenda • Define Resiliency and why it is important • Discuss characteristics of resilient families and individuals • Learn what you can do at home to promote resiliency in your own children. • Learn how the school system can help develop resilience in children

3. What is Resiliency? • Resiliency is the ability to overcome challenges of all kinds–and come back stronger and wiser. • It’s our ability to bounce back when things don’t go as planned and “pull ourselves up by our bootstraps”. • "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."– American inventor, Thomas Edison

5. Why is it Important to Be Resilient? • Research has suggested that resilient individuals are more successful in school and jobs, are happier in relationships, and are less susceptible to depression. • Resilience helps people deal with stress and adversity, overcome disadvantage and be open to new opportunities. Werner, E. & Smith, R. (2001). Journeys from childhood to midlife: risk, resilience, and recovery. Cornell University Press; New York

6. Why do we need it? • Resiliency makes us stronger • Resiliency makes it easier for us to bounce back after tough times • Resiliency helps us cope with life’s challenges

7. Activity • Think back to a rough time in your own life. Picture that period in your mind. What did you do that helped you get through that time? Share with your neighbor some of the things you did. You don’t need to share the details of the event, rather focus on the actions that helped you get through. Resiliency: Strength Under Stress (2009) Retrieved 10/1/13 from: http://fyi.uwex.edu/familyresiliency/files/2011/08/ResiliencyTeachingUnit.pdf

8. Activity • Now think about that same rough time and identify what qualities were really helpful in keeping you resilient. For example, maybe it was a sense of humor. Share again with your neighbor. Resiliency: Strength Under Stress (2009) Retrieved 10/1/13 from: http://fyi.uwex.edu/familyresiliency/files/2011/08/ResiliencyTeachingUnit.pdf

9. Family Stress • All families experience stress from time to time. • What are some normal, predictable causes of family stress? • What are some unexpected causes of family stress?

10. Characteristics of Resilient Families • Nine “Keys to Resilience” in three areas • Family Belief Systems • Make Meaning of Crisis and Challenge • Maintain a Positive Outlook • Value spirituality • Family Organization and Resources • Flexible • Connected • Supported by social and economic resources

11. Characteristics of Resilient Families Continued:Froma Walsh http://fyi.uwex.edu/familyresiliency/ • Family Communication • Share clear, consistent messages • Openly express emotions • Use collaborative problem solving Walsh, F. (2006) Strengthening Family Resilience (Second Edition). New York: The Guilford Press Herman, P., Peterson, P., &,Schaaf, J. (2009). Family Resiliency. Retrieved from http://fyi.uwex.edu/familyresiliency/

12. Sources of Resilience for Children • I HAVE • Trusting Relationships • Structure and Rules at Home • Role Models • Encouragement to be autonomous • People who help me when I need them • Access to health, education, and security systems

13. Sources continued • I AM • A person people can like and love • Glad to do nice things for others and express empathy • Proud of myself • Respectful of myself and others • Willing to take responsibility for my actions • Sure things will be all right • I CAN • Talk to others about my problems • Find ways to solve problems that I face • Control myself • Find someone to help me if I need it Grotberg, E.H. (1995). A guide to promoting resilience in children: Strengthening the human spirit. Retrieved from: http://resilnet.uiuc.edu/library/grotb95b.html

14. General Ways to Foster Resiliency in Children • Provide unconditional love and support • Provide ample time for communication about the day’s events, feelings, and thoughts • Demonstrate forgiveness and reconciliation after disciplining children • Help children develop problem solving skills instead of fixing problems for them • Offer encouragement to persist when children are confronted by obstacles • Expect children to carry out age appropriate chores or duties that contribute to the welfare of the family • Encourage children to give time to worthy causes or assist others • Involve children in family decision making Resiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from http://www.embracethefuture.org.au/resiliency

15. Specific Ways to Foster Resiliency at Home-Emotional SkillsResiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from http://www.embracethefuture.org.au/resiliency • Teaching Emotional Skills • Help Children Develop an Emotional Vocabulary (e.g. use emoticons) • Teach kids that all emotions are okay, it is what we do with our emotions that is key • Managing Anger • Help children recognize when they are angry (e.g. tight chest, ‘hot’ face, clenched fists) • Techniques to reduce anger • Deep breathing • Time out • Seeking adult help to resolve conflicts if needed • The “Turtle Technique” • Recognizing signs of anger • Thinking “STOP” • Going into one’s “shell” to deep breathe, think calming thoughts • Coming out of the shell when calm and brainstorm solutions to the problem

16. Emotional Skills Continued • Sadness and Depression • Recognizing the difference between the two (sadness is normal state, depression is an emotional disorder characterized by despair, loss of interest in activities, hopelessness, etc. • Talk about the feelings in a supportive, caring, non-judgmental way. Remind them they have been sad in the past and have come through it. • Exercise- a natural anti-depressant • Keep doing enjoyable activities • Challenge pessimism gently Resiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from http://www.embracethefuture.org.au/resiliency

17. Emotional Skills Continued • Fears and anxiety • Part of resiliency is overcoming fears and anxiety as the result of a previously bad experience. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway is a sign of resilience. • Explain the meaning of courage • Doing something that needs to be done despite feelings of nervousness or anxiety • Praise kids for being brave. Share your own experiences. • Encourage kids to “Get back on the horse that threw you.” • Try not to be overprotective. “Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy.” – Robert Heinlein. But don’t push too hard Resiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from http://www.embracethefuture.org.au/resiliency

18. Ways to Foster Resiliency at Home-Problem Solving Skills • Effective problem solving is critical for resiliency • Problem Solving Process • Identify the Problem • Generate solutions • Evaluate the solutions and choose best possible one, implement • Evaluate the outcome, if not successful begin at #2 again • Encourage autonomy-related to personal responsibility • Assist in children’s problem solving rather than solving for them • Encourage them to take on age appropriate responsibilities and challenges • Allow them to experience consequences for actions • Teach kids it’s okay to make mistakes and fail to create environment of appropriate risk taking Resiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from http://www.embracethefuture.org.au/resiliency

19. Ways to Foster Resiliency at Home-Problem Solving Skills-Continued • Coping Skills • Teaching kids to ask for help when needed and knowing where to seek it • Modeling good coping skills and showing children to have a sense of humor • Observe the way your child copes with stress and teaching alternative problem solving solutions • Teach the benefits of exercise and good diet. Resiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from http://www.embracethefuture.org.au/resiliency

20. Ways to Foster Resiliency at Home-Self-Esteem • Develop positive self-esteem that is rooted in real achievements and abilities. • Focus on strengths rather than deficiencies • Refrain from harsh criticism, sarcasm, put downs • Provide encouragement, support affection • Teach and model respect and concern for others • Entrust kids with age appropriate responsibilities • Encourage persistence in the face of obstacles • Involve kids in setting rules and boundaries • Self-efficacy is similar to self-esteem but domain specific (e.g. school, social, family). Closely tied to Locus of Control • People with an internal locus of control believe that they have the power to effect the major events in their lives Resiliency Resource Centre (2005). Retrieved 10/1/2013, from http://www.embracethefuture.org.au/resiliency

21. Where do you go from here? • What do you already do to help strengthen your family and child’s resiliency? • What is one thing you could start doing additionally to foster resiliency in your self, home, and child? • How can you help others be resilient? Resiliency: Strength Under Stress (2009) Retrieved 10/1/2013 from: http://fyi.uwex.edu/familyresiliency/files/2011/08/ResiliencyTeachingUnit.pdf

22. Resiliency: • “It’s not what happens to you but what you make out of what happens to you that makes you resilient.”- Jane Schaaf

23. Resiliency in the Schools • Developmental Assets • Power of Assets • School Counselors • Staff presentations • Guidance Lessons • Parent Support • Small Groups

25. These categories are further broken down into 40 assets.

26. Power to Promote Positive Outcomes

27. Power to Protect fromHigh-Risk Behaviors

28. Two Shifts First Shift From fixing young people’s problems Promoting young people’s strengths to Second Shift to Relationships Beyond programs

29. Promote School Connectedness • Create trusting and caring relationships that promote open communication • Use effective classroom management and teaching methods to foster a positive learning environment • Provide learners with the academic, emotional, and social skills necessary to be actively engaged Source: U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

30. Support Caring relationships Appreciation Acceptance Lessons on Diversity, Friendship, Inclusion

31. Empowerment A chance to contribute Feeling safe and valued Lessons on Bully Prevention, Self Esteem, Career Exploration

32. Boundaries and Expectations Rules and consistent consequences Encouragement Lessons on PBIS Expectations, Decision Making

33. Constructive Use of Time Time well spent outside the classroom and school to learn and develop skills and interests Lessons on Time Management, Study Skills, Prioritizing

34. Commitment to Learning Learning for a lifetime Belief in own abilities Lessons on Persistence, Responsibility, Study Skills

35. Positive Values Guiding principles and values to make healthy choices Internal compass Lessons on Character Traits, Self Control, Avoiding Risky Behavior

36. Social Competencies Relationship, problem-solving, and coping skills = Life skills Lessons on Friendship, Conflict Resolution, Peer Pressure

37. Positive Identity Sense of purpose, power, and promise for future Lessons on Self Esteem, Career Choices, Goal Setting

38. Guidance Lessons touch on many assets.Bully Prevention • Caring School Climate – Asset 5 • Youth as Resources – Asset 8 • Safety – Asset 10 • School Boundaries – Asset 12 • Positive Peer Influence – Asset 15 • Bonding to School – Asset 24 • Resistance Skills – Asset 35

39. Small Groups • Building Resiliency Lunch Bunch • 30 minutes • During lunch • 3-4 students from the same grade level • 8 weekly sessions

40. Sessions focus on:

41. Sample Activity • Personal Competence: Letter to yourself activity • Create a word splash. Write your name in the center of the paper and write words around it that describe you. Add accomplishments and skills you feel good about. • Use your word splash to write a letter to yourself of positive things you would like to hear someone close to you to say.

42. Word Splash happy Sally Always helpful Hard-working Friend

43. Letter to yourself Dear Sally, You are so helpful and happy all he time, it is no surprise you are a great friend. Keep up your hard-work in school and at soccer practice, you can do anything! Sincerely, Sally

44. Benefits of Building Resiliency Lunch Bunch • Focuses on the child, not the problem • Strengths and assets are emphasized • Combines skill-building with counseling

45. Other types of Small Groups • School counselors offer a variety of small group counseling opportunities based on the needs of students. • Referrals to and requests for small groups typically come from teachers but can be made by parents as well.

46. Common Topics • Study Skills • Social Skills • Friendship Skills • Separation and Divorce • Self-Esteem • Anxiety • Managing Stress • Perfectionism

47. Topics correlate with Development Assets • Asset

48. Resiliency in the Schools • School Counselors foster Developmental Assets through • Staff presentations • Guidance Lessons • Parent Support • Small Groups