Champions by Design: Building a winning team!

Assertiveness and Confrontation Champions by Design: Building a winning team! Presented By: Dashan J. Axson Lawrence Tamara Burke

GOALS OF PRESENTATION • Determine what confrontation IS versus what it IS NOT • Understand WRONG ways to confront and MOREAPPROPRIATE • Provide you all on instruction on procedures for confronting a resident about their behavior • Determine and understand the difference in being a “friend” versus being a “staff member”

GOALS OF PRESENTATION (cont.) • Determine and understand what types of confrontation strategies work best • Understand the importance of documentation • Understand the ESSENTIAL aspect of appropriate follow-up with residents • Understand the importance and the appropriate process for consulting-up and following up with your supervisors

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND… In life you can please some of the people some of the time… But you can’t please all of the people all of the time.

WHAT IS CONFRONTATION? Confrontation is a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between two or more opposing parities; confrontation can be classified as the act of confronting or the state of being confronted. • A face to face meeting • The clashing of forces or ideas

THREE GOALS OF GOOD CONFRONTATION • STOP inappropriate behaviors or activities • PRESERVE respect of the resident(s) • MAINTAIN the relationship(s) with the resident(s)

STOPPING THE BEHAVIOR… …whatever is happening that is causing a disturbance or a disruption or is a violation of community standards needs to cease… IT’S YOUR JOB… Through confronting behaviors and policy violations appropriately, the Housing staff member is fulfilling their position responsibilities to maintain an atmosphere that supports and encourages academic success and personal growth of students.

PRESERVING RESPECT… …creating an environment of respect through what you say and how you say it… IT’S YOUR JOB… Through confronting behaviors and policy violations appropriately, the Housing staff member is fulfilling their position responsibilities by accepting students as individuals, each with rights and responsibilities, treating them fairly and impartially, and solidifying the understanding that living in Housing is valuable.

MAINTAINING THE RELATIONSHIP… …leaving the situation in such a way that you can still be a supportive resource for students in the future… IT’S YOUR JOB… Through confronting behaviors and policy violations appropriately, the Housing staff member is fulfilling their position responsibilities by helping the student to understand that the behavior was not appropriate and by acting with dignity, integrity, and competence, while keeping confidential all that is entrusted to him/her.

IT’S ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATING… 3 Elements of Communication Proxemics – PROXIMITY – Distance Kinesics – KINETIC – Movement Paralanguage – How you say what you say. IN OTHER WORDS… The DISTANCE that you place between you and the incident, the MOVEMENT of your hands and arms, and the TONE AND SPEEDof your voice as well as FACIAL EXPRESSIONS together form the message that the resident is receiving.

IT’S ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATING… • Watch those NON-VERBALS • 7% of meaning is in the words we speak • 38% of meaning is paralinguistic (the way or tone in which the words are said) • 55% of meaning is in facial expression or movement • IN OTHER WORDS… • 93% of what you a trying to get across has NOTHING TO DO with the words you use. • Making changes in our TONE, VOLUME, INFLECTION, EMPHASIS, and/or SPEED, we change the entire meaning of what we are trying to say.

“FRIEND” VS. “STAFF MEMBER” As an student staff member, you should seek to be RESPECTED rather than LIKED. Being Respected is Harder but much better! RA/CA Best Friend Forever (BFF), forming cliques with students, drinking with students, etc. Don’t know your residents at all As a student staff member you should try to be about here all of the time…balanced.

“FRIEND” VS. “STAFF MEMBER” Another helpful visual… Your roles in your position may overlap a bit...but one is NEVER more important than the others at the expense of the others.

SPEAK NO EVIL; SEE NO EVILHEAR NO EVIL This should NOT be your confrontation strategy…

CONFRONTATION IN YOUR COMMUNITY Be Proactive • Emphasize community from the start • Set clear expectations for your residents • Clearly explain policies and community standards • Importance of reading and understanding the Community Guide • Outline the NEW alcohol confrontation policies

CONFRONTATION IN YOUR COMMUNITY… Train Residents to Confront Each Other • Student staff members are NOT Police Officers • Maintaining community standards is the responsibility of all residents (including the RAs/CAs/VCAs) • Explain the basic guidelines for confronting others • Explain that you are there to help when needed, but not do it for them Consistency • Residents learn by watching you • Inconsistency creates mistrust and lack of respect

BASIC GUIDELINES FOR CONFRONTATION… • Don’t Degrade Residents • Don’t swear, call names, raise your voice, or confront in front of other people • Explain Policy Violations • Know the “why” • Compliance is expected • Never argue policy

BASIC GUIDELINES FOR CONFRONTATION… • Confront Behaviors, Not Values • Specify which behaviors are causing problems • Goal is to stop the behaviors • Call for Back-up if necessary • Call for another staff member, the staff member on duty, or your supervisor • Best not to Enter Rooms • Recognize the risks of going into a student’s room • Ask to speak with students in the hallway or lounge

Basic Guidelines for Confrontation… • Speak directly to students of the room • Tailor your delivery to person(s) you are confronting • Use residents names from door decs or rosters • Use any rapport you already have to your advantage • Never touch a resident • Follow-up within 24 Hours of confrontation

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT… • Approach each confrontation GUILT FREE • Avoid apologizing for doing your job • Residents can smell fear or lack of confidence • Student behavior is NOT your fault • Students make choices (some good, some poor) • You are NEVER “getting someone in trouble” • You are stopping the behavior, preserving respect, and maintaining the relationship. You are then documenting what you saw happen and what you did in response.

Steps to Successful Confrontation… Identify Yourself Name the behavior that is problematic Describe the effects of the behavior on the community Identify the change in behavior required Check for understanding Close (collect IDs and Document)

How to De-Escalate a situation… Keep good physical distance Use clear language, but not yelling Identify yourself Get all the facts Stay Calm Separate person from behavior Disperse crowds

BUT WHAT SHOULD I SAY… • Questioning Scenario • Refusal Scenario • Explosion Scenario • Threat Scenario • Alcohol Scenario

Questioning Scenario Staff: I need you to turn down your music. Student: Why do we need to turn our music down? What would you say?

Refusal Scenario Staff: I need you to turn down your music. Student: I’m not bothering anyone, and I’m not turning it down. What would you say?

Explosion Scenario Staff: I need you to turn down your music. Student:(shouting) Why are you always picking on me? What’s your problem? Is this some kind of power trip for you? Why don’t you just kiss my ass, you prick? What would you say?

Threat Scenario Staff: I need you to turn down your music. Student: I’m not bothering anyone, and I’m not turning it down. If you try to make me, you might not like what happens… What would you say?

Alcohol Scenario Staff: I need you to turn down your music. Student: Why do we need to turn our music down? Staff: I see that you have alcohol in the room. Would you be willing to step out into the hall? Student: What are you talking about? You don’t see any alcohol. What would you say?

Most Common Confrontations… • Alcohol (parties) • Noise • Games/Horseplay • Fighting • Drugs • Thefts • Vandalism

Most Common Responses to Confrontation… • Denial • Running Away! • Anger • Compliance • Attempt to Intimidate • Fear • Crying

Types of Documentation… • Work orders • RA Duty Rounds Sheet / Duty Log / Duty Rounds Notebook • Judicial Action Documentation (Information Reports)

Writing EVERYTHING Down… • Organization and Order(what happened first, second, etc.) • VERY SPECIFIC and DETAILED • Who, What, When, Where, How • Just the Facts! – Be objective, do not speculate, do not write from your emotions, your personal opinions are irrelevant. • Consider the Audience – who might ever be reading your report.

Understanding the Difference… WRITE UP vs. DOCUMENTATION Writing someone up is something you do TO someone else. Documentation is simply something you do ABOUT a situation or incident. NEVER “WRITE UP” Call it what it is…Documentation of an Incident to provide INFORMATION.

Writing EVERYTHING Down (cont.)… • Student staff DO NOT have the choice to NOT document a situation or a policy violation. • TIMELY and DETAILED documentation of confrontation incidents is extremely important for the resident, you, and your supervisor(s). • Details fade fast - Never more than 24 Hours turn around on any documentation.

FOLLOW – UP… • Do not practice “HIT & RUN” confrontation • Always go back and do a “temperature check” with the resident(s)

One Last Thing… THE “ON DUTY” THING Just because you are not “on duty” does not mean that you should not confront students or behaviors or document situations Good Rule of Thumb “If I encounter it…it is mine to deal with!”

QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, OR CONCERNS Dashan J. Axson-Lawrence daxson@uga.edu Tamara Burke tsburke@uga.edu

Champions by Design: Building a winning team!