Unit Five Roles and Relationships

1. Unit Five Roles and Relationships

2. Unit Five Roles and Relationships • Objectives • Roles • Child-rearing • Family Relationship • Communication between Men and Women • Friendship • Common Family Problems • Language Appropriateness • Group Tasks

3. Thanks!

4. Your Objectives

5. By the end of this unit, you should be able to • recognize differences in roles and relationships between people that occur within different cultures; • understand the most important relationships between parents and children, husband and wife, and those between friends; • understand a gender difference between males and females, not only in cross-cultural but also in mono-cultural communication. 

6. Roles

7. Ask yourself : How many roles do I normally have? How many relationships do I have?

8. Child-parent Brother-sister Friend-friend Husband-wife Family Boy-girl friend Parent-child Lover-lover Friends Kin Niece/nephew- uncle/aunt Your roles/ relationship Grandchild-grandparent social Neighbors Cousin-cousin Acquaintances Colleagues/Business associates Classmates Learner-tutor

9. Child Rearing

10. Child-raising/rearing in China Questions: • Did you sleep with your parents or does your child sleep with you? Why or why not? • Did you or your child help with the household chores? • Did you make decisions for yourself when living with your parents as a kid or did your parents make decisions for you?

11. Child-raising/rearing in China • Did you ever have a part-time job when at school? • Will you support your child university studies financially? Do you expect them to pay the money back when they are able to? • Did you or will you get money from your parents for your wedding ceremony?

12. Child-raising/rearing in the West • Children sleep separately--privacy--independence • American English expressions of the values of independence cut the (umbilical脐带) cord not to be tied their mother’s apron strings look out for number one stand on their own two feet

13. Child-raising/rearing in the West • Children are encouraged tomake decisions and to be responsible for their actions. • Children are encouraged, but usually not forced, to “leave the nest” and begin independent lives. • Children should make major life decisions by themselves. • Parents do not arrange marriages for their children, nor do children usually ask their parents’ permission to get married.

14. Chinese Stereotypes on the American Child-rearing lAmerican children voluntarily move out of the family before marriage. • Chinese may think that Australians do not care about their families.

15. Chinese Stereotypes on the American Child-rearing lChildren are expected to pay back the money loaned by their parents for their university education. • Many Chinesemay think this displays lack of love and family feeling.

16. Chinese Stereotypes on the American Child-rearing l Parents emphasize fostering independence from an early age. • Chinese parents would think they fail to fulfill the most basic of parental responsibility.

17. Family Relationship

18. Family Relationships Questions for group discussions: • What is the most important relationship in the family? • Whose side should the man take in the event of any quarrel between his wife and his mother? • How do people choose their partners? • What is expected from the son towards their parents? • What is expected from the parents towards their children?

19. Principles of a Traditional Chinese Family • The most important relationship in the family is that between parents and son. Arranged marriage is therefore a practical consideration. • It is the son’s duty to support his parents. • Respect and obedience to parental wishes are expected of the children. • Parents are responsible for their children’s education and marriage. • Parents’ spirit must be placed in household shrines and graves must be tended regularly.

20. Principles of an American Family • The most important relationship in the family is that between husband and wife.  • Parents do not arrange marriages for their children, nor do children usually ask their parents’ permission to get married.  • Parents feel that adult children should make major life decisions by themselves. 

21. Principles of an American Family • Societal and familial treatment of the elderly reflects the values of independence and individualism.  • The elderly’s financial support is often provided by government-sponsored social security or welfare systems that decrease their dependence on the family.  • Older people often seek their own friends rather than becoming too emotionally dependent on their children. 

22. Principles of an American Family • It's a common practice for families to place their older relatives in nursing homes because of physical disabilities or illness, rather than caring for them in their homes.  • Many older people don't want to have to rely on their grown children. The same spirit of independence that guides child rearing and young adults also affects older people. 

23. Communication between Man and Woman

24. Questions for group discussion: 1. Have you found women tend to ask more questions than men? 2. As a woman, do you argue with your male speaker if you disagree? 3. As a man, do you like to boast more than a woman? Why? 4. As a man, do you use more taboo forms than women? Why? 5. Do you think women are likely to gossip? Why? 7. As a woman, are you often direct in your speech? What do you think of men? Why?

25. Communication between Man and Woman • There are social expectations of how to be male or female. • According to the American linguist, Deborah Tannen, Men and women end up talking at cross- purpose. cross-purpose: with different and opposing purposes in mind, to misunderstand each other’s purposes相反目的的矛盾

26. Communication between Man and Woman • Women tend to speak and hear a language of connection and intimacy (close friendship). • Men speak and hear a language of status and independence.

27. Friendship

28. Friendship What is a friend? Friend A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement.

29. Friendship Friendliness: behavior, characterized by smiling, chattiness, and warmth, that demonstrates interest in another person (adjectives: friendly) Friendship: a relationship in which people know like, and trust each other.

30. What does Friendship Mean to You ? • How important is friendship to you? • How large is your circle of friends? • What do you expect your friend to do for you? • What will you do for your friend? • How do you try to keep your friendship as long as possible?

31. Friendship in China There is friendship obligation in China . Some Chinese sayings: “为朋友两肋插刀。” “有难同当，有福共享。” “一个篱笆三个桩, 一个好汉三个帮。” “ 在家靠父母，出门靠朋友。” Friendship really counts to a person in the society.

32. Different Sayings on Friendship fair-weather friend: someone who is your friend when you have no problems but who disappears when you need help 酒肉朋友---dining friends lady friend: an adult female friend of a gentleman or another lady 女性朋友 blood brothers:extremely good friends; derives from a children’s ritual whereby good friends sometimes prick their finger and mix a bit of their blood --- 结拜兄弟

33. Different Sayings on Friendship Birds of a feather flock together. People who are alike usually form friendships. --- 人以类聚。 One rotten apple spoils the whole bunch. One person who is not nice is a bad influence on the people he or she spends time with. ---一粒老鼠药坏了一锅粥。 a black sheep: someone who has done something bad, esp. something which brings embarrassment and loss of respect to the family ---害群之马

34. Different Sayings on Friendship A friend in need is a friend indeed: Someone who helps you when you need it is a true friendship.--- 患难之交见真情。 Familiarity breeds contempt: People who spend too much time together grow to dislike each other.---日久生厌。

35. Friendship in America In general, Americans have casual, friendly relationships with many people, but deeper, closer friendships with only a few. True friendship require time and commitment (The state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action or to another person or persons 承担义务) which many Americans lack. Therefore they often find it convenient to have friendly but less committed relationships,rather than many deep, close friendships. Their shortage of time and their numerous commitments to family, work, and even volunteer projects mean Americans have less time to pursue many close friends.

36. Friendship in America • Cross-cultural Expectations for friendship If someone from another culture is having a serious problem, Americans may say, “let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.” If the Americans do not receive a specific request, they may feel that there’s nothing they can do. In this case, they may call every now and then to stay in touch. The friend from a different culture, on the other hand, may be expecting ‘sympathy calls’ or frequent visits, and may not hesitate to demonstrate a dependence on a friend.

37. Friendship in America • Cross-cultural Expectations for friendship In addition, an American may feel that a friend needs privacy to ‘work out’ a problem. Many Americans want such time alone when they have problems. So American may want to give you your privacy even if you don’t want it!

38. Friendship in America • Cross-cultural Expectations for friendship In addition to different expectations about the amount of time spent together, there are also cultural differences in what people believe they should do for each other.

39. Different Ways of Expressing Friendship British people apologize to their friends over things like asking for help in some small matter or telephoning late at night. They tend to use polite forms such as ‘could you ‘ and would you’ even with their friends. They may sound cold and distant when they feel perfectly friendly.

40. Different Ways of Expressing Friendship While Chinese people tend to make more direct requests to their friends. They address those they know quite well in a very direct way. They may sound rude and demanding when they intend to sound friendly.

41. Friendship and Social Class Patterns of friendship may differ from the social class to another: • People in the working class have a smaller circle of friends. They're not likely to ask the friends they've made at work or in the pub to join them for a meal in their home.

42. Friendship and Social Class • People in the middle class will show their true friendliness and see more friends during the week, because they'll invite their friends made at work to join them for a dinner or celebration in their home, or attend the theatre. • The higher up the social scale one goes the greater the number of friends one will see in the course of the week.

43. Common Family Problems

44. Group Discussions Question: What might be common problems among family members in China ?

45. Common Family Problems in the States The following are a few examples of situations that might occur among family members in the United States. In pairs or small groups, discuss the situations, and answer the questions that follow.

46. Common Family Problems in the States • The son or daughter does poorly in school. • The son or daughter elopes ( secretly runs away to get married). • The son wants to live with his fiancee before getting married( or the daughter with her fiance). • The parents of married daughters and sons try to tell their children how to live.

47. Common Family Problems in the States 5. Eight months after her husband has died, the widowed mother of grown children announces that she is going to remarry. 6. The grown children of very ill parents feel that they have to move their parents into a nursing home. The parents refuse to cooperate.

48. Language Appropriateness

49. Observing without Judgment Different people may see totally different things.This can happen to the way people view cultural differences as well.That is because people look at the fact from their own cultural viewpoint.

50. Observing without Judgment Westerners tend to emphasize the independence of the individuals, Chinese tend to value strongobligations between parents and children. As a result, the interpretations one side puts on the fact do not match those of the other side. This is where misunderstanding between people from two cultures develops.