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  1. Sound on

  2. They trust you. They love you unconditionally. They obviously shouldn't. If any of these dogs are yours, I have two things to say:  • 1) I'm sorry for using your images without your consent. 2) You should be ashamed of yourself. • But perhaps I should put it in a way your tiny self-obsessed brain can understand. These are your dogs, and this is what they are thinking - 

  3. When I say "woof," I mean "I hate you." • You see, my FUR keeps me warm. Your sweaters only serve to insult me.

  4. As if it wasn't hard enough being called a 'bitch' all the time; now you dress me up as an old drunken hooker. • If the choice is between prison and playing dress up with you, I choose prison.

  5. If you think I won't eat you when you die, you're dead wrong. • Though I have provided all the evidence in the world, perhaps I should take this time to state a certain fact explicitly: I am a dog. I am NOT a CHILD.

  6. As you must be retarded, I'll cut you some slack. • If you wanted a dang bunny, why didn't you just buy one?

  7. If I had hands I'd strangle you. • I suppose it could have been worse. You could've put me in a hair net so I'd look exactly like you do in the mornings. Oh... wait... you did.

  8. I give you everything I have to give and you still wish I was a Dalmatian... • I wish your husband took me with him when he left.

  9. You'll rue the day you did this to me lady. Rue it! • Please remind me why I'm supposed to love you.

  10. What the heck is wrong with you. Seriously. Did you not get enough love as a child? Is your world so completely devoid of meaning that you think dressing me as a flower is a form of caretaking? I hope the house gets burgled tonight.

  11. Oy vey. If only Moses would have left in that 11th Commandment: Thou shall not desecrate one's pet. • Remember this moment when I poop on your Persian rug tonight.

  12. Maybe its me, I'm a little f***ed up maybe. But I'm funny how? I mean, funny, like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to f***ng amuse you? Whaddya mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?

  13. Very funny. You come up with that yourself? • Look, I'm barely a dog. I have enough identity issues without you dressing me up as a cheetah.

  14. You are ruining what self-esteem I have left. • You're going to embalm me when I'm dead, aren't you?