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A Few Tips for Diffusing Disputes

A Few Tips for Diffusing Disputes. Presented by Judith Stilz Ogden, J.D., LL.M. MST College of Business http://faculty.clayton.edu/jogden judithogden@clayton.edu . What kind of disputes are college students likely to experience?. Roommates Clubs and organizations

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A Few Tips for Diffusing Disputes

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  1. A Few Tips for Diffusing Disputes Presented by Judith Stilz Ogden, J.D., LL.M. MST College of Business http://faculty.clayton.edu/jogdenjudithogden@clayton.edu.

  2. What kind of disputes are college students likely to experience?

  3. Roommates • Clubs and organizations • Friends and significant others • Classmates • Professors • University departments • Family What kind of disputes are students likely to experience?

  4. Is there something different about college disputes? What causes them?

  5. 1. Competitive Environment • 2. Diversity • 3. Non-Academic • 4. Academic Discourse Is there something different about college disputes? What causes them?

  6. “Conflict is inevitable in higher education, where academic freedom is revered and free thinking is encouraged. It is vital that we understand the conflicts that occur in higher education, and that we learn to deal effectively with them. Lack of understanding of conflict leads to inability to cope with it.” • [Susan A. Holden]

  7. We like to be right. • We feel threatened by differences • We think our way is the best Other causes

  8. Identify the root of the conflict • Address the conflict quickly and effectively • Listen. Listen. Listen. • Respect their perspective . Suspend judgment • Avoid blame • Criticize the issue or the behavior, not the person. 12 TIPS FOR DIFFUSING DISPUTES

  9. Avoid absolutes: right/wrong, good/bad, you always, you never . . . • Paraphrase • Reframe (change the view of) the conflict • Use "I" Messages • Be willing to be wrong. Take responsibility for your actions • Model respectful behavior. Treat People in an adult manner even if their behavior is childish. 12 TIPS FOR DIFFUSING DISPUTES

  10. A Typical Problem

  11. Its important to consider the impact of your conduct on others • Sometimes the issue is about something other than that which makes you angry • Ask clarifying and open-ended questions. Identify the root of the conflict

  12. What is this dispute about? • How would you make this determination?

  13. Don’t ignore the problem. It won’t go away. • Prompt action demonstrates to the other side that you take the matter seriously. Address the conflict quickly and effectively

  14. Important to understand the other side’s story • Good listening is helpful in and of itself • Builds trust and rapport • Deescalates/calms • Creates clarity • Listening is a precursor to problem-solving • Feels like a “gift”--everyone wants to be heard Listen. Listen. Listen.

  15. What might happen if Robin and Morgan actually listen to each other?

  16. We see things differently. • We have different information. • It’s not just about us. Respect their perspective. Suspend judgment

  17. Backward looking • During the argument Robin tells Morgan, “The problem is that you didn’t submit your part on time.” Avoid blame

  18. Don’t dredge up ancient history • Don’t make this a personal attack Criticize the issue or the behavior, not the person.

  19. Impedes communication. • Polarizes. • Focus is not on solving the problem. Avoid absolutes: right/wrong, good/bad, you always, you never . . .

  20. Robin and Morgan have always had trouble working together . Robin tells Morgan, “You always do this. You never do your share of the work.” Does this help? What if it is true?

  21. Restate the concerns of the other side • Lets speaker know s/he has been heard and understood • Receiver makes sure s/he gets it right • Gives the speaker an opportunity to assess the message and to modify it Paraphrase

  22. Morgan has to work to get through school, and help support his/her disabled mother. S/he is frequently called into work at the last minute. This is something Robin should understand, and to demonstrate that s/he does, Robin should paraphrase while listening to Morgan’s story.

  23. Redirecting, limiting, or shaping the perception of a message so that it is more constructive • Choosing a positive interpretation Reframe (change the view of) the conflict

  24. Reframing position to interest • Reframing a problem to an opportunity • Reframing a weakness as a strength • Reframing a blame to a need • Reframing a past to a future • Reframing an individual problem to a shared problem REFRAMING

  25. “You are not telling the truth.” • Reframe: “I am confused by what you are saying because I am hearing one thing from you and another from the other party.” Example of Reframing

  26. How could this dispute be reframed?

  27. Send I messages instead of You. • Do not make unnecessary accusatory remarks that will only add more fuel to the fire. • Avoid using "you" while trying to express personal feelings. • For example: Instead of saying, “You don’t know what you are talking about,” say instead, ”I don't understand.” • What kind of “I” messages could Robin send? Use "I" Messages

  28. Take responsibility for your actions. • People become annoyed if you cannot own up to your actions. • Is there anything for which Robin could take responsibility? Be willing to be wrong.

  29. Treat people in an adult manner even if their behavior is childish. • Don’t humiliate. • Acknowledge their feelings. • Keep your voice calm. • Manage your own reactions. Model respectful behavior.

  30. What solutions would you recommend?

  31. Mediation is often referred to as being assisted negotiation. • It is a voluntary process in which parties attempt to resolve a dispute with the help of a neutral 3rd party called a mediator. • The mediator is not a judge and does not decide who is right. CAMPUS MEDIATION

  32. September 6-all day • September 7-morning • Location TBD • Can contact me or Office of Community Standards, Phone: (678) 466-5444StudentConduct@mail.clayton.edu if you are interested in attending. MEDIATION TRAINING Tentative Schedule

  33. The Office of Student Conduct has established a peer mediation program for students interested in helping their peers overcome conflict. The Student Peer Mediator is trained and certified to serve as a mediator at Clayton State University. The Peer Mediator assists both parties in expressing their feelings and developing solutions in order to reach a mutual agreement. PEER MEDIATION

  34. If you are interested in serving the Clayton State University community as a Peer Mediator, contact the Office of Student Conduct by phone or email. Office of Community StandardsUniversity Center 250Phone: (678) 466-5444StudentConduct@mail.clayton.edu Peer Mediators are provided with a certificate of training and are para-professional members of the Office of Student Conduct. PEER MEDIATION

  35. INTERNATIONAL ACADEMY of DISPUTE RESOLUTION MEDIATION TOURNAMENTS

  36. Brenau Regional Mock Mediation Tournament October 4 & 5, 2013 MEDIATION TOURNAMENTS

  37. FIRST PLACE MEDIATOR

  38. A TOP ADVOCACY TEAM

  39. SECOND PLACE PEACEMAKER AWARD- Georgia State Tournament

  40. Organizational Meeting for Mock Mediation Tournaments: • August 20, 2013 at 5:00 pm in UC 424

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