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Communication Climate. Emotional tone of a relationship Not specific activities The way people feel about each other as they carry out activities. Communication climate. Confirming communication Messages that convey valuing You exist, you matter, you are important
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Emotional tone of a relationship Not specific activities The way people feel about each other as they carry out activities Communication climate
Confirming communication • Messages that convey valuing • You exist, you matter, you are important • Disconfirming communication • Showing lack of regard • I don’t care about the situation, I don’t like you, you’re not important to me Confirming and disconfirming
Recognition • Acknowledgement • Endorsement • Birthdays, anniversaries, death days Confirming message
Ignoring another’s characteristics Verbal mistreatment Generalized complained Interrupting Irrelevant, impersonal, ambiguous responses Red herring Disconfirming messages
Climates in a relationship take on a life of its own and grow Positive or negative spiral
Guarding oneself from attack • Verbal • Nonverbal • Avoiding dissonant information Defensiveness
Jack GibbCategories of Defensive and Supportive Behaviors
Gibb Categories • Defensive Behaviors • Evaluation • Control • Strategy • Neutrality • Superiority • Certainty • Supportive Behaviors • Description • Problem Orientation • Spontaneity • Empathy • Equality • Provisionalism
Allowing a person to maintain their dignity in public • Assertive vs. Aggressive Communication • Shared Meaning Process • Perception Checking • Listening Cycle • Clear Message Format • Understanding Styles of Talk Saving Face
Two forces in conflict = • Content – subject, information, story • Outcome – solution, resolution, results • Rarely is the THIRD FORCE considered #3 - Process – How you communicate, style, awareness, skills Pursues Understanding/Builds Agreement/Positive communication climate The Third Force
An 80/20 Rule: Look Inside First It Takes One Person… Two assumptions
Style I – Small Talk, Shop Talk Style II – Control Talk Style III – Search Talk Style IV – Straight Talk Styles of Talk
Style I – Small Talk, Shop Talk • Connect pleasantly, sociably • Move in and out of conversation • Focus on routines/daily tasks • I/It relationship • Conventional listening • Attend partially • Acknowledge casually • Documenting • Assertive or Aggressive? • Climate? • Phatic communication - denoting speech used to express or create an atmosphere of shared feelings, goodwill, or sociability rather than to impart information.
Style II – Control talk • Fight talk, Spite Talk • Focus on Other • Take Charge • Attack directly or indirectly • Actively fight, passively flight • Force change • Reactive listening • Interfere with story • Listen selectively • Act before understanding • Assertive or Aggressive? • Climate?
Style III – Search Talk • Brainstorming • Explore data and ideas • Pose Possibilities • Saving face • Explorative listening • Ask open questions • Assertive or Aggressive? • Climate?
Style IV – Straight talk • Open, honest, level communication • Focus on self- accountably • Use talking skills to disclose awareness • Attentive Listening • Use listening skills to tune into other • Understand before acting • Assertive or Aggressive? • Climate?