Now Hear This! Listening, Comprehending, and Communicating

1. Now Hear This!Listening, Comprehending, and Communicating

2. Before we start… Cell Phones Introductions Materials Roster Signing Questions Break Fire Drill Rest Rooms

3. Evaluations! • To assist the University of Florida’s efforts in sustainability we have moved to electronic evaluations • Within next 3 days you should receive email request to provide feedback on today’s class • Please help us assess the quality of our training by completing the evaluation Thank you!

4. Our Objectives • Define listening • Review the benefits of listening effectively • Identify and become aware of barriers to “real” listening • Reveal techniques for improved listening

5. Can We Multitask? With a partner, simultaneously discuss the following: Person 1: Your favorite vacation Person 2: Your hobbies or interests • Was anyone successful? • What were the challenges?

6. Time Spent Communicating 53% 16% 14% 17% Most of our time is spent listening but it is least understood function!

7. Defining Listening – a simple model • Sender transfers a verbal message to receiver • Receiver listens to the message and acts upon it Listening is often the biggest issue in interpersonal communication!

8. Defining Listening • Hearing: The act of sensing and perceiving sound but • Listening: Following and understanding the meanings of sounds Effective listening is not instinctive!

9. Listening in Action • Watch the roleplay • Observe and make notes for both speaker and listener, including tone, body language, and emotions

10. Results of bad listening • What happens when we don’t listen? • Think of a time when • You were not listened to • You did not listen • What was the situation? • What was the outcome?

11. Benefits of Effective Listening

12. Any questions?

13. Why Don’t You Listen to Me?

14. How Do You Listen? • What habits do you have?

15. Listening Levels Level 1: active listening (acknowledging, responding) Level 2: hearing but not listening (detached, low concentration) Level 3: listening now and then (passive, faking attention)

16. So What Might Prevent Us From Staying In Level 1?

17. Make the most of listening time! • We think 4x faster than we hear! • Natural tendency to wander… • Need to keep focus on the message rather than every word • Avoid distractions

18. Internal & External Distractions • Internal distractions • Blocks • Filters • External distractions • Noise, temperature, appearance, interruptions • Scenery, work pressure, tapping pencil!

19. Mind Reading Comparing Judging Identifying Rehearsing Sparring Dreaming Advising Fatigue! Placating Being Right Derailing Blocks to Listening

20. Blocks to Listening • “I’ve done that too. Did I tell you what happened to me?” • “Yes but listen, you can’t believe that surely?” • “I hope she can fit in a department visit but I’m sure she won’t have time” • “I bet he doesn’t support my team so we won’t have anything in common” (Identifying) (Sparring) (Mind Reading) (Judging)

21. Activity: Blocks to Listening • Please complete the self-assessment section as honestly as possible!

22. Listening through Filters attitudes beliefs prejudices Listening through Filters interests expectations values

23. Listening through Filters • Hearing what we want to hear • Past negative experiences can color future interactions • Red flags = certain words/phrases cause us to tune out

24. Listening through Filters • Perception-Reception-Attention • What is perceived as important enough for you to listen and get involved • If not important listening will be levels 2 & 3 • Language and bias • Filter = beliefs, prejudices, attitudes, emotions • May affect how/what we understand • ‘I didn’t mean that’

25. Activity: Barriers to Listening • Please complete the self-assessment as honestly as possible!

26. Any questions?

27. Improving our Listening Skills!(or how to get to Level 1)

28. original story ending story additions Storytelling listening distortions blocks/filters misinterpretation substitutions loss of detail additions

29. Improving Our Listening • Reflecting upon our own behavior and becoming aware of our blocks and filters • Can increase effectiveness in handling our relationships and the way we communicate • Separate emotions • Time for change?

30. Level 1: active listening (acknowledging, responding) Level 2: hearing but not listening (detached, low concentration) Level 3: listening now and then (passive, faking attention) Listening Levels

31. Achieving active listening Listen empathically

32. What is Empathic Listening? • Builds understanding, trust and rapport • Relate to the speaker: put yourself in their shoes • Paraphrase/summarize (“This is what I heard…”) • Recognize nonverbal messages • Encouraging acknowledgment (uh..uh) • Avoid interruptions or distractions • You don’t have to agree with the speaker to be empathic!

33. Achieving active listening Listen empathically Ask clarifying questions

34. What are Clarifying Questions? • Checks your understanding • Allows you to get the facts/explore further • Listen then ask questions: don’t grill! • “what specifically do you mean by...?” • “what I understand you are saying is…have I got that right”

35. Achieving active listening Listen empathically Ask clarifying questions Avoid being critical or judgemental

36. Avoid Being Critical or Judgmental • Conversation can cease or become defensive • Can increase the emotional level of the talker • Disables trust and devalues opinions • “Maybe it was wrong of you to…” • “Why did you say that?”

37. Achieving active listening Listen empathically Ask clarifying questions Don’t give advice Avoid being critical or judgemental

38. Don’t Give Advice • Don’t solve the problem or ‘rescue’ • Allow talker to think of the solution (this will empower and enable ‘owning and responsibility’) • May increase self-esteem/self-confidence • “Why don’t you…” • “I think you should…”

39. Listen to Non-Verbals!

40. Listen to Non-Verbals • People camouflage emotions but tone and body posture usually give them away • Think about your own body language

41. Listen to non-verbals 7% 38% 55%

42. Let’s Talk! With a partner, discuss the following: Person 1: Your favorite vacation Person 2: Your hobbies or interests

43. LISTEN Review! • Look:make eye contact/concentrate • Inquire:ask clarifying questions when appropriate • Summarize: to check understanding/empathy • Take notes: brief and non-distracting • Encourage:smile/nod/acknowledge • Neutralize:stay objective, avoid bias/judgements

44. Empathic, Clarifying, Non-Judgemental, No Advice • In pairs with observer Roleplay using instructions on the cards Notes on roleplay:roleplay is an activity which gives practical practice when learning new skills. Please join in as enthusiastically as possible, but remember you are in role only. Try to think how you would react within the situation given, whether you are the talker or the listener. It is not a test!

46. “I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”   • Robert McCloskey, American author