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Purposes of Communication. 1. Getting Information Listening to adults Listening to children 2. Giving Information 3. Negotiating or Facilitating Change. Communication. People typically communicate in one form or another for about 70% of their waking hours 10% writing 20-40% speaking
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Purposes of Communication 1. Getting Information • Listening to adults • Listening to children 2. Giving Information 3. Negotiating or Facilitating Change
Communication • People typically communicate in one form or another for about 70% of their waking hours • 10% writing • 20-40% speaking • 45-65% listening
Verbal behavior • Paralanguage: the way people say things; prosodic features: • Volume and tone of voice • Emphasis on a word • Rate of voice (level of energy, enthusiasm, interest; slow discouraged) • Change of breathing, sign, blush, tears • Where someone begins in an open ended question.
Language • Content & sequence • Small talk • Communicating an interest • Sharing information about self • Intimacy
Communication’s first purpose Getting Information
Unplanned Conferences • Get comfortable • Allow parent to vent • Do not speak defensively • Ask questions • Avoid jargon • Ask for parental suggestions • Summarize and set goals-- a plan
Verbal behavior Purpose of Interview Closed questions 1st Open questions -- use silence and minimal encourages End: review major perspectives, repeat what you will do with information, express appreciation and assure confidentiality
Verbal Behavior to Avoid • Do not • Do not focus on the disability-- emphasize abilities • Do not portray successful people with disabilities as superhuman • Do not use generic labels such as “the retarded” or “the deaf” “the physically challenged” • Do not imply someone has a disease instead of a disability by referring to them as being a “patient” or “case”
Vulnerabilities of parents • Needing help and unaccustomed to inferior position/change of status • Myth of parent less intelligent • Inaccuracies of parents to blame • Parent an adversary, pushy, or resistant
Nonverbal modes of communication • body language • use of space • movements, posture • positions of feet and legs when sitting • use of furniture • facial expressions • eye contact • gestures, mannerisms
Distance and Support • Protections of school personnel • Professional distance vs. normal human warmth • Overly sympathetic may not help families mobilize strengths
Verbal skills Necessary • Leading skills--encourage elaboration • Minimal encourages: oh, so, then, and? • Do not jump around, or interrupt • If you can think of something to say go back to what was said before
Paraphrasing • Summarizing content • Restatement in your words what other said • Conveys you understand • Checks on agreement between understandings (Is that right? Did I understand that?) • Makes concise
Reflecting • Tries to capture the emotional meaning or feelings • Demonstrates you understand the other’s feelings (do not overinterpret) • “Based on the what you said about this, it sounds like….”
Teams • Person with a problem • Active Listener: • #1.encourages selectively, • #2.paraphrases, and • #3.reflects • Observer/recorder (reports on examples of #1,2, 3) • Switch roles
Focus • Professionals have been primarily concerned with the mothers’ views with little attention given to that of siblings. • Siblings experience full range of feelings and emotions related to having a sibling with a disability
Fear Loneliness Anger Resentment Embarrassment Confusion Jealousy Pressure Guilt Frustration Sibling Feelings
Questions to Ask Siblings • How did you become aware of your sibling’s disability • Have you had any special responsibilities assigned to you as a direct result of your sibling’s condition? • Do you volunteer to help your sibling or are you required to help? • Is there a difference when the sibling is older or younger than you? • Has the family become more or less united? • What have been the financial effects on you, your education, your activities? • Have you been included in plans made for your sibling? • Are you anxious or fearful about a time when you may need to assume significant responsibility for him or her? • Has having a sibling with a disability affected your social life, relationships, dating? • Has his or her presence played a role in your choice of vocations?
“Why are siblings so unwilling to include us?”, “What makes them so angry and resentful?”, “Why don’t they talk to us?” The answer is: We needed to face ourselves and to get in touch with what was happening. This could only be done if we could be sure that we would: • Not inflict pain on those that we loved • Not be judged and found selfish, unkind, maybe even cruel • Not have someone who would try to make us see the other side • Be able to talk and to connect to someone who could truly understand
Sibling Roles • A continuing, permanent relationship • Socialization agent • Long-term playmate and companion • Learn the give-and-take process/to share • Learn to resolve differences • Serve as confidant and counselor
Ultimate Importance of Siblings • Family size is decreasing • Individuals are living longer • Families tend to move often • Young siblings spend greater amounts of time in settings supervised by nonparental adults • Greater pressure on young people to compete • Parents are experiencing more stress
Sibling Needs • Respect • Understanding • Information • Counseling • Training
