Parental Alienation

1. Parental Alienation Dr. Douglas Park, PhD & Rebecca Tooman, JD

2. Parental Alienation • “A child…who expresses, freely and persistently, unreasonable negative feelings and beliefs (such as anger, hatred, rejection, and/or fear toward a parent that are significantly disproportionate to the child’s actual experience with the parent.” (Kelly and Johnson 2001, p. 251) • Easier to define what we see in the child rather than the parent’s behaviors that provoke the child’s reaction. • Custody evaluators report seeing alienation in 25% of their cases (Bow, Gould, Flens 2009) • Important for attorneys to be aware of parental alienation as they are likely the first professionals to come across it. • Parental alienation is not Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)

3. Why alienating behaviors? • Mistakenly believes the other parent is dangerous, unloving, and or undeserving • May have a serious mental illness • Only occasionally is consciously malicious • Parent who does not believe the other parent can handle the child(ren). • Parent who is narcissistic.

4. Characteristics of alienated child • Usually children are between the ages 9 and 15 though can start earlier • Usually children have anxious, insecure attachment • History of not having contact with parent or unsatisfactory contact with the rejected parent • Oftentimes enmeshed with aligned parent • May idealize aligned parent • Often child can not give reasonable account of what rejected parent did • Often repeat what are told by aligned parent • Often use adult language

5. Presence of abuse and/or Domestic Violence (DV) • When abuse or DV is present, the child may reasonably reject that abusive parent (hence not parental alienation) though the other parent may engage in alienating behaviors. This child is often referred to as the estranged child. • Among the reasons for estrangement: Child abuse, Domestic violence, parental substance abuse, parental psychopathology. • Alienation can occur with false allegations of abuse. A parent can be rejected even though it may be unreasonable. • Alienation does not mean that abuse and domestic violence don’t occur. We know that they do.

6. Enmeshment • In most cases, the aligned parent as opposed to the alienated or estranged parent may be enmeshed with the child. • In an enmeshed relationship between a parent and child, boundaries are blurred and children are taught consciously and unconsciously that autonomy is not safe. This leads the child to be fearful of aspects of the world that they normally would not be. • These children often have difficulties with peers and often have school refusal.

7. Effects of Parental Alienation on Children • In a study (Baker, 2007) of adults who reported experiencing parental alienation as child showed significantly more adult problems including: • Low self-Esteem • Depression • Alcohol and Drug Abuse • Dysfunctional relationships with parents and other adults

8. Fidler and Bala (2010) • Review of outcomes on alienation from clinical and empirical research • Poor reality testing • Illogical cognitive operations • Simplistic and rigid information processing • Inaccurate or distorted interpersonal perceptions • Disturbed and comprised intellectual functioning • Self-hatred • Low self esteem

9. Fidler and Bala (2010) (Cont) • Pseudo-maturity • Gender-identity problems • Poor differentiation of self (enmeshment) • Aggression and Conduct Disorders • Disregard for social norms and authority • Poor impulse control • Emotional constriction, passivity, or dependency • Lack of remorse or guilt

10. Fact Pattern – A Case Study • Carol & Mike are divorced and have two minor children, Cindy (10) & Bobby (11). • During the marriage, Mike worked long hours and Carol had an affair. • Lately, the children have stopped engaging properly with their mom such as: • The children are refusing to come out of their dad’s home at Carol’s pick-up time, • The children mostly ignore Carol during her parenting time using their phones from their dad, • Phone calls are unanswered or the kids have very brief conversations on speakerphone, • The children know details about the divorce proceedings and blame their mom, • Mike signed the kids up for soccer during Carol’s parenting time without her knowledge, • At school functions, the kids will not hug their mother while with their father, • Mike calls during Carol’s parenting time to ask the kids about their mom’s personal life.

11. Parental Alienation Strategies • Make Negative comments about the other parent • Limit Contact with the Other Parent • Withhold or Block messages • Make Communication Difficult • Indicate discomfort about the other parent • Make child upset when affectionate with other parent • Say other parent is unloving • Make child choose • Confide In Child • Require Favoritism of child • Make negative statements to friends, neighbors, clergy, and teachers

12. Parental Alienation Strategies 2 • Ask child to spy • Ask child to keep secrets • Have child call other parent by first name • Have child refer to spouse as mom or dad • Encourage reliance on just that parent • Encourage disregard of the other parent • Make it hard to be with extended family • Foster anger/hurt with the other parent • Try to turn against other parent • Interfere with therapy

13. Treatment for Parental Alienation • Important to choose therapist with knowledge of parental alienation • Risk missing dynamics and/or becoming overly aligned with one side. • Therapy is likely to involve multiple components including parent education about importance of having two parents, addressing deficits (if present) of rejected parent and enmeshment (if present) in aligned parent, conjoint therapy with rejected parent and child, and individual sessions with child. • More complex cases are likely to involve multiple professionals • Evaluation may be needed to determine the presence of alienation

14. Legal Tools • MCL 722.27(1)(d) provides authority to: “Utilize a guardian ad litem or the community resources in behavioral sciences and other professions in the investigation and study of custody disputes and consider their recommendations for the resolution of the disputes.” & MCL 722.27(1)(e) “Take any other action considered to be necessary in a particular child custody dispute.” • MCL 722.27c Parenting coordinator (2) The court may enter an order appointing a parenting coordinator if the parties and the parenting coordinator agree to the appointment and its scope. • MCR 3.206 (D)(2)(b) “attorney fees and expenses were incurred because the other party refused to comply with a previous court order, despite having the ability to comply.” • OAKLAND COUNTY FRIEND OF THE COURT PARENTING TIME COMPLAINT & MCL 552.641https://www.oakgov.com/courts/foc/Documents/forms1/ptcmplt2.pdf • Case Law Reference

15. Compliance vs. Commitment • Address any allegations such as abuse, drugs or alcohol. • Submit Parenting Time Complaints to the Friend of the Court. • File Motion(s): • Requires accountability to address on-going issues and ensure compliance with Parenting Time Orders. • Request therapy with professionals who understands parental alienation and are comfortable working with both parents, include frequency and costs with Order. • Order Parenting Coordinator or Guardian Ad Litem. • Order evaluation & testing with Mental Health Professional. • Request modification of custody & parenting time.

16. Bibliography • Baker, A.J.L. (2007). Adult children of parental alienation syndrome: Breaking the ties that Bind. New York. W.W. Norton. • Bow, J.N., Gould, J.W., and Flens, J.R. (2009). Examining parental alienation in child custody cases. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 37, 127-145. • Fidler, B. and Bala N. (2010). Children resisting postseparation contact with a parent: Concepts, controversies, and conundrums. Family Court Review, Vol 48(1), Jan, 2010, 10-47. • Kelly, J.B. and Johnston, J.R. (2001). The alienation child: A reformulation of parental alienation syndrome. Family Court Review, 29, 249-266.

17. Resources • Friend of the Court: https://www.oakgov.com/courts/foc/Pages/default.aspx • Mental Health Professionals that are familiar with Parental Alienation • Books: • Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other by Lauren J. Behrman, PhD & Jeffrey Zimmerman, PhD • Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex by Amy J. L. Baker, PhD & Paul R. Fine, LCSW • Working with Alienated Children and Families, A Clinical Guidebook by Amy J. L. Baker, PhD & Paul R. Fine, LCSW

18. Contact • Rebecca Tooman Douglas Park PhD • 2450 Old Novi Rd 2314 Monroe Street • Novi, MI 48377 Dearborn, MI 48124 • (248) 587-7888 (313) 565-5937 • rebecca@ils.email drdouglaspark@gmail.com douglasparkphd.com

19. Parental Alienation Any Questions?