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Christian Relationships Dating
Dating allows men and women the opportunity to enjoy each other in a relaxed un-pressured way, possibly to come to know each other deeply and to learn about themselves. Modern dating practices differ from those of earlier times, which were more directed toward finding a marriage partner. Today, many young people look to dating as a way to develop friendships with members of the opposite sex.
Dating History “Olden Days” • young adults did not do what we call dating • met almost always in the company of other people • a young man would present his card at the door • if the girl was interested he was admitted to meet with her in the presence of her parents • women could see many “callers”; when a relationship • became serious they might start “keeping company” • the purpose of calling was to find a mate of your own social class and religion.
Dating History continued… “Classic Era” • advent of the automobile, longer school attendance for both males/females, independence due to income from part-time jobs • people paired off into couples to enjoy each others company • marriage was not the primary motivation – enjoyment • “going steady” indicated by giving of class ring • purpose of dating to learn how to relate to the opposite sex • control switched to men, women waited to be asked, men paid for movies, dinners and transportation
Dating History continued… “Today” • even less oriented to getting married since people are tending to marrying later – late twenties or many not at all • tendency to get together in larger groups • sharing of transportation and payment
Why Date? • Sexual attraction • Fun • Ego Boost • Getting out of ourselves • The thing to do • Companionship • The joy of give-and take • Finding a marriage partner
Friendly Dating Guidelines • Need to see each other as human beings first, and woman second. Both have to consider each other as persons with needs, interests, talents, experience and as persons be worthy of respect and honour. • Must view each other as equals. • Must see beyond stereotypes of their respective sex. • Unmarried people must abstain from sexual relations.
Pressures and Problems of Dating High Expectations • having hope is not the same as having expectations. Hope implies that a person is ready t respond when an opportunity presents itself. • having expectations indicates that a person thinks a certain outcome is probable. • when something does not happen you leave yourself open for disappointment and tend to put pressure on the situation.
Pressures and Problems of Dating Concerns About Being Attractive • we may think that having a perfect experience means that we have to be perfect in our physical appearance and our personality • we are who we are – shy/sociable, overweight/thin, imperfect but also lovable. • we can work towards improving ourselves but we also have to like and accept ourselves as we are today • appearances become less important as people come to know each other
Problems With Romance • Romance is one of life’s great thrills. • When dating or going out you have lots of wonderful feelings along with a generous surge of sexual energy. • Along with romantic love can come illusions • Illusion in romance is called INFATUATION • distortion of the other person • lose objectivity • oblivious to the person’s faults
Infatuation • Superficial – avoids the truth (could lead to real love) • Overpowering – overrules your judgment so you can’t make good decisions • Fickle – roller coaster of emotions from optimism to pessimism to repulsion. At one time you may be exhausted, at another thrilled. • Short Lived – see celebrity marriages
Hurdles for Regular Pairs • Jealousy – looking at someone else interferes with the relationship • Dependency – unhealthy to centre all of one’s energy on one person since they will not be able to fulfill all your needs • Exclusivity – tends to drive other people away and eventually damages or ends the relationship
Valid Reasons? • may lose her if I don’t have sex with her • just got carried away • won’t be a man(woman) until I’ve had sex • once we started drinking, forget about self control • if we ‘re in love, why isn’t it okay to have sex • what’s the big deal about putting on the brakes • sex make life interesting • most people I know do it • she’ll think I’m gay if we don’t have sex • sex proves we love each other • it’s ok if we have sex, we’ll get married if I get pregnant
Long Term Consequences Pregnancy • not only affect the couple but also their families and the unborn child • leads to single parenting • a child needs two parents • adoption • poor decision making • “shot gun” wedding, abortion
Long Term Consequences continued… • STDs/STIs • sexually transmitted diseases (infections) • HIV AIDS • immune system • Genital Herpes Simplex • Hepatitis B, C • liver damage or failure • Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Chlamydia, Genital Warts with or without symptoms • If you or your partner have had multiple partners then you are actually sleeping with all the other people
Long Term Consequences continued… Diminished Relationship • instead of fostering a loving, committed, long term relationship the relationship is crowded out by having sex • the relationship becomes focused on sex and does not allow for growth
Church’s Response • premarital sex – no - favours chastity and abstinence • sex outside of marriage is basically dishonest
The Church reminds us of three reasons why no premarital sex • Mutual Commitment • to bear the consequences of sexual intercourse • A life-giving Context for Children • a child deserves to be born into a family • Members of Christ’s Body • Saint Paul condemned fornication in his letters to the Corinthians warning that premarital/extramarital sex will tear apart a loving relationship or community
