Subject : Anger Management Information : From the book “The Other Side Of Love” by Dr. Gary Chapman Class : AFJROTC

1. Subject: Anger Management Information: From the book “The Other Side Of Love” by Dr. Gary Chapman Class: AFJROTC

2. Anger is a sign that a person is a sinful individual – evil. • Yes • No

3. 1. What is anger? 2. What can you do when you find yourself getting angry? 3. What are some of the physical changes that take place when you get angry? 4. Is it ever right to become physical with the person you are angry at? 5. What do you do when you encounter an angry person?

4. ANGER MANAGEMENT

5. Anger Management Definition of Anger: -A strong passion or emotion, excited by a sense of injuryor insult. It involves emotions, the mind, the body, and the will.

6. “And he that is of a cool spirit is a man of understanding” (Proverbs 17:27) “Never decide on any course or start to do anything while emotion is agitating like a roaring sea. The mind is easily affected by feelings, and with a restless mind how can we distinguish between right and wrong?” - Watchman Nee

7. Anger is always stimulated by an event We normally don’t wake up and decide, “Hey, I think I’ll be angry today!” Let’s see how it involves the emotions, the mind and the body

8. You can just wake up and be angry for no reason. • Yes • No

9. In order to get angry, something, an event, must have occurred. • Yes • No

10. Emotions: Anger is a cluster of emotions involving such feelings as disappointment, hurt, rejection,embarrassment, and other similar feelings. We can get angry when these emotions are activated.

11. The Mind: This is where we replay the event that has caused us to get angry.

12. The Body:We put a terrible amount of stress on our bodies when we get, and stay, angry. It is like being under distress. Depending on the level of anger, any or all of the following may happen: - The adrenal glands release two hormones: epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine (noradrenaline). These two chemicals seem to give people the tenseness and excitement in the heat of anger.

13. These chemicals in turn stimulate changes in your heart rate, blood pressure, lung functions, and digestive tract activities.

14. Did you notice how the emotions, thoughts (mind) and the body (physiological) are intertwined? These compose what we call anger. Normally anger is then expressed in behavior - words or actions: - We shout at someone - We kick or punch something - Withdraw in silence - Etc

15. What we want to discover is how we can learn to control our thoughts (mind) - how we interpret the events - and our behavior - our words and actions.This involves the will. (the want to)

16. Which of the following can be better controlled than the other two? • Emotions • Mind • Body [Default] [MC Any] [MC All]

17. We need to understand that anger is not evil - it demonstrates that we are concerned about: -- Justice -- Making things right -- Fairness

18. We hope to learn the following: • - Our response to anger • - Two types of anger • - Five steps to handle valid anger (Processing anger) • How to process distorted anger • - Destructive Responses to Anger

19. - - What to do when you are angry at yourself - What to do when you encounter an angry person

20. First, Our Response To Anger Should Be: To right a wrong by seeking justice – not revenge - and bring about change. Some examples: - MADD - SADD - Stopping Slavery - Our Own Personal Injustices

21. Our Motivation in responding to anger must be: - Guided by love (not revenge) Let’s look at the two types of anger.

22. My response to anger is to get revenge – to get even! • True • False

23. My motivation in handling anger must be guided by___________. • Love

24. Two Types of Anger: - Definitive - Distorted First, definitive

25. Definitive anger is born of a wrongdoing. Treated unfairly, property stolen, lies are told about us, etc. It is valid in that something wrong was actually done.

26. Distortedis not valid. It is triggered by a mere disappointment, an unfulfilled desire, a frustrated effort, envy, jealously, or greed. It has nothing to do with an actual wrongdoing. Life was simply made inconvenient - for a time. Could be set off due to you being tired.

27. Joe was walking and tripped in front of some other students. They proceeded to laugh at Joe. Joe got angry. • Definitive • Distorted [Default] [MC Any] [MC All]

28. Let’s look at the TWO ALL IMPORTANT QUESTIONS To Ask Before We Act: 1. Is the action I’m considering positive; will it deal with the wrong and heal the relationship? 2. Is the action I’m considering loving? Is it designed for the benefit of the person I’m angry with? (This can be hard to do.) Simply, is it positive and is it loving?

29. Five Steps to Handle Valid Anger Step 1: Acknowledge to yourself that you are angry Obvious - right? The problem is the emotion of anger can come on quickly and we can find ourselves caught in a verbal or physical response before we ever acknowledge the fact. So what do you do?

30. Step 1 continued: Say this to yourself,“I am angry about this! Now what am I going to do about it?” - Allows you to distinguish the difference between your anger and the action you will take - applying reason and thinking – using your mind. - Reduces the chance of you doing something you will regret later.

31. Step 2: Restrain Your Immediate Response Do and say nothing – for now! King Solomon said, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Much of how you respond stems from what you have learned throughout your childhood.

32. - Some are screamers - very vocal - Some become physical - the wrong way to respond - Some withdraw and become silent storing up their anger All can be destructive

33. For those who let the “RED” hot lava of anger flow, take time to count to 10, 100, or if necessary, 1000. Answer this, who is controlling who?

34. Take a time out!

35. What could be the result of not restraining myself? - Emotionally destroying someone - Possibly inflicting physical injury – even on yourself - Worse yet, kill someone - Spending the rest of your life with regret!

36. Step 3: Locate The Focus of Your Anger There are two questions to consider. They are: (1) What is the actual wrong committed?

37. (2) How serious is the offense? How major? How minor? Forgetting to meet to have lunch or the same person cheating on his wife - one is worse than the other. Rate on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being minor and 10 being serious. Why give it a rating? For perspective!

38. Step 4: Analyze Your Options By locating the focus of your anger and giving it a rating, you are prepared for step 4. Here’s the question you should ask: “What are the possible actions I could take?” Here are some examples:

39. - You verbally beat them up for their unloving, uncaring, unthinking, behavior • - You could become historical bringing up all the things in the past • - You could become physical and hit them (not a good choice) • Dismiss them with a mental put-down • Seek revenge through isolation (“Let them feel rejection for awhile”).

40. The Two Most Valid and Productive Options: (1) Lovingly confront the person or persons (2) Overlook the offense Step 5, Take Constructive action: Let’s talk about option (2) first

41. Overlook the Offense - You realize that confronting will not achieve anything positive. (How do you know? Past experience.) -- You choose to accept the wrong and release the person. You are NOT letting the other person control your life - you’re moving on The far more wiser response is to confront - lovingly – (Not verbal abuse.)

42. - Bring it to their attention (They may be blind to what they’ve done.) • - Be firm but kind as you lay before them what they did or did not do. • - Recognize you might have misunderstood their words or actions (always a possibility - restrain). • Write down what you want to say before you confrontthem. • - You want to talk WITH, not AT, the person to resolve your anger.

43. Remember, confrontation is never for the purpose of condemning but to restore relationships.

44. Confrontation does not always lead to justice but hopefully a restored relationship.

45. Summary Of The Five Steps In Responding To Valid Anger: 1. Acknowledge to yourself you are angry 2. Restrain your immediate response 3. Locate the focus of your anger 4. Analyze your options 5. Take constructive action

46. Bob is upset with Sally – angry – he will lovingly confront her about this. Which step is Bob in for processing definitive anger? • Step 1 Acknowledge you are angry • Step 2 Restrain your response • Step 3 Locate the focus of your anger • Step 4 Analyze your options • Step 5 Take constructive action [Default] [MC Any] [MC All]

47. When thinking about it, Bob realized what had happened was not all that important. On a scale of 1 to 10, he gave it a 2. • Step 1 Acknowledge you are angry • Step 2 Restrain your response • Step 3 Locate the focus of your anger • Step 4 Analyze your options • Step 5 Take constructive action [Default] [MC Any] [MC All]

48. Sally told Mary that Bob was skipping classes and getting in trouble. This was all a lie. Bob found out and became angry. He counted to 100 before responding. • Step 1 Acknowledge you are angry • Step 2 Restrain your response • Step 3 Locate the focus of your anger • Step 4 Analyze your options • Step 5 Take constructive [Default] [MC Any] [MC All]

49. When Bob stopped and thought about whether to confront or forget what Sally had told Mary, he decided his best option would be to forget it – over look it. • Step 1 Acknowledge you are angry • Step 2 Restrain your response • Step 3 Locate the focus of your anger • Step 4 Analyze your options • Step 5 Take constructive [Default] [MC Any] [MC All]

50. Processing Distorted Anger: Remember, distorted anger is not valid anger. It is triggered by a mere disappointment, an unfulfilled desire, a frustrated effort. You did not get what you wanted. (Buying luggage.)