English 9/A10

1. English 9/A10 Flowers For Algernon essay feedback

2. Formatting MLA GUIDELINES • use 8.5 x 11” (white paper, one side only) • set all margins to 1” (2.5 cm) on all sides • Double space everything in your essay including quotations • use 12 point Times New Roman font • indent the first line of every paragraph 1” • include a header with your last name and a page number in the upper right corner (do not include the word “page” or any abbreviation of the word) • use Arabic numerals for your page numbers

3. Formatting the First Page • literary or research essays do not requirea title page • in the upper left corner of your first page, include: • your name • teacher’s name • Class name • Date • Centrethe title of your essay • do not use a bold or a larger font in your title

4. Sample http://campbellcollegiate.rbe.sk.ca/sites/campbell/files/Sample%20first%20page.pdf - Accessible from the Campbell Website

5. Speaking of Titles… • Most of you entitled your essays “Flowers for Algernon” • What is the purpose of a title?

6. Word Choice • Notice anything about this example? “My family has always been supportive of my personal pursuits, but they have especially shown a great interest in my academic goals” Vs. “My family is good. They love me and help me” “experiences such as my extensive travels and fondess for the outdoors…” Vs. “I like to travel and camp”

7. Word Choice Level 1 words (basic, simplistic) • Big, like, good • Level 2 words (a little better) • huge, enjoy, well • Level 3 words (enhance for reader) -Gigantic, pleasurable, excell

8. Formal vs. Informal Language • There is a large difference between writing a text to someone and writing an essay in University. Certain words are appropriate in certain situations and not others. In academic writing, you will be asked to use formal language in certain situations and informal language in others. FORMAL LANGUAGE Excludes: • slang or even swears when appropriate • contractions • abbreviations (T.V.) • numbers (1 instead of one) • personal words or phrases like I, you, we

9. Sentence Fragments • You want to avoid writing sentence fragments. Sentence fragments are missing some key information. To avoid sentence fragments make sure all of your sentences can make sense standing alone. That is, if you separate them from the rest of your writing they still make sense.

10. Commas • A comma is used to separate words or groups of words within a complete thought. Ex: He picked up the pennies, nickels, and dimes. Ex: It took all day to separate the coins, count them up, and put them in their paper rolls. • Use a comma after an introductory word or phrase. Ex: In 2003, there were 300 cars sold. • Use a comma to separate two or more adjectives (describing words) that come before a noun. Ex: Vancouver is a large, beautiful city. • Use a comma before but, nor, or, for, so, yet when it joins two separate thoughts. Ex: The sky was dark and cloudy, but the sun was still out. Ex: The kid must get to bed early, or they will be tired in the morning.

11. Sentence Fluency Variety in Sentence Beginnings • We can’t start every sentence the same way. We can’t expect people to read our writing if we do. We can’t keep using the same words over and over at the beginning. We can’t do this because it drives readers crazy! It also makes the writing hard to understand. Why? Because readers start paying more attention to the repetition of the sounds than they do to the meaning of the words. Variety in Sentence Length and Structure • Just as using sentences with different beginnings helps make your writing easier to read and understand, using sentences of different lengths and different structures helps, too. • You can measure the length of a sentence simply by counting the words. Short or simple sentences in student writing tend to have 3-6 words in them. The average sentence has approximately 8-15 words. Longer, more complex sentences may be as long as 20 words or more.

12. Sentence Fluency A Check-List for Sentence Fluency: • Do my sentences begin with different words? • Do I use both simple and complex sentences? • Does my writing sound smooth when read out loud? • Do I use a variety of transition words and phrases? • Do I have some surprising sentence structures? • Does the structure of my sentences improve understanding and enhance meaning for my reader?

13. Revision Checklist • Formatting – see guidelines • Title – creative & engaging? • Formal language – avoid contractions, slang • Word choice – Level 2 & 3 words • Commas • Sentence fluency – variety in sentence beginnings? Variety in sentence structure? • Sentence fragments – can all of your sentences stand alone?

14. How to be an effective editor? • Very carefully, slowly and critically • You need to read line by line… every single word! And look for 1 thing ONLY • Go through EACH and EVERY part of the revision checklist & look in each and every sentence for those errors

15. Introductions • Your introduction should start VERY generally, with intriguing comments on the topic • Next, begin to narrow your message to the ideas you will present • Lastly, end very specifically, with your answer to the posed question… this is your thesis & it should be an opinion that contains 3 reasons why your opinion is correct.

16. Intro diagram Broad statements about the topic Narrow to your point Thesis (your opinion & 3 reasons why it’s true)

17. Body paragraphs • You will then write 3 paragraphs, one on each of the 3 reasons you had in your thesis • Your first sentence of each paragraph should be a topic sentence

18. Conclusions • Are your last chance to impress your reader (before they assign a mark!) • They are basically reverse introductions… start with your thesis, review and then (most importantly) challenge your reader to think big, think beyond, think globally…about the topic

19. Conclusions • Are your last chance to impress your reader (before they assign a mark!) • They are basically reverse introductions… start with your thesis, review and then (most importantly) challenge your reader to think big, think beyond, think globally…about the topic

20. Conclusion diagram Thesis (restate it) Review your points Broad challenges about the topic

21. an exemplar introduction… General statements about the topic Every person who has ever graced this earth has had a unique and distinct life, due to both the influence of countless people, and the remarkable moments that comprise the lives of all individuals.  On a snowy and cold Wednesday in late 1998, the journey that has so far been my own distinct life began when I,___________, was born in this fine city of Regina.  Since that day over sixteen years ago, not only a number of unforgettable people (point 1), but also a variety of unique experiences (point 2), many pleasurable and some less, have shaped me into the person I am today, and are paving theway for my future (point 3). statements that narrow to the thesis Thesis

22. an exemplar conclusion… Countless unique experiences and the respective impacts of many extraordinary people have aided in shaping the person I am proud to be. By way of these influential factors, I have had the privilege of witnessing the human condition in a variety of states, coupled with the sheer capability of society through times both good and bad, which has altogether culminated in the formation of who I have become in regards to my personal principles, values, and outlook.  In this sense, I consider myself to be a reasonably well-rounded person, yet I appreciate that this would be impossible if not for my past. Now, I look towards the future, and recognize that if I continue to live with my current ideals and perspectives, I know that I will live a successful, happy, and prosperous life.

23. A common error I found Capitalization of proper nouns… There some words that are not normally capitalized that need a capital when you are talking specifically about someone or something… like mom and dad. Normally, no… but when you are talking about YOUR mom, Helen, you capitalize Mom… “my Mom”, my “Dad”.