RELATIONSHIP DETOXIFICATION RELATIONAL SKILLS WORKSHOP

1. RELATIONSHIP DETOXIFICATION RELATIONAL SKILLS WORKSHOP John-Robert Curtin, Ph.D. 4Civility Institute

2. 3 Critical Components for Dealing with Toxic Situations • Information/Understanding • Safe Reporting • Comprehensive Resolution

3. “Conflict is not the problem, conflict is the messenger” Tony Belak, JD, 1998

4. ENABLING ORGANIZATIONAL STRUCTURES • Allegations are discounted or ignored • Tough management • Personality conflicts • Avoidance • Lack of managerial skills • Accepted • Organizational culture

5. ENABLING ORGANIZATIONAL STRUCTURES • No Safe Reporting Systems or Plans • No Neutral or Not Perceived as Neutral • No Plans or Procedures for Comprehensive Resolution

6. Three Components of Conflict • Offender • Target • Audience---Bystanders/ Support Groups In many workplace conflicts the roles play out in a classic Drama Triangle

7. Drama Triangle Target Heroes/Heroines Offender

9. Breaking the Cycle of the Drama Triangle

12. Listen with youreyesnot just your ears Listen with your heart Listenwith your mind—to understand not just to respond Respondwith your compassion, your attention, your body language, and your open questions Working with others: Listen

13. “Its’ amazing what you hear when you listen.” Yogi Berra

15. Dignity

16. Communication is not merely talking and waiting to talk.

18. You can climb the ladder to becoming a better listener by using these six easy steps: L: Look at the person speaking to you A: Ask questions D: Don’ interrupt D: Don't change the subject E: Empathize R: Respond verbally & non-verbally

19. Comprehensive Resolutions

20. Restorative Practiceand Behavioral Transitionversus Progressive Disipline

21. Three Pillars of Restorative Practice in the Workplace • Restorative practice focuses on harm • Wrongs or harms result in obligations • Restorative practice promotes engagement or participation

22. Restorative Practice Morphed into Behavioral Transition

23. Behavioral Transition Three Main Groups: • Offender (s) • Target (s) • Audience---Bystanders/ Support Group

24. Behavioral Transition Focus is on helping, assisting, guiding all three groups to a new level, a new place with a new or renewed sense of meaningful purpose.

25. Offender • Recognizing or understanding the harm caused and who was harmed • Getting to the ‘Why’ from the ‘what’ • Creating and accepting a ‘Transformative Prescription’ • Support systems • Goals and objectives • Measures- outcomes-obligations-consequences • Reality Therapy

26. Target • Only you can make yourself a victim • Getting to the ‘What from the Why’ • Transformative Prescription • Support systems • New goals, objectives, measures, outcomes, obligations and consequences • Reality Therapy

27. Bystanders, Communities, Friends, Family • Understanding the nature of conflict • Support versus Insistency • Encouragement versus Blame • Dialogue versus Demagoguery • Long term versus short term • Understanding Reality Therapy

28. Dignity Compassion Communication A Better Triangle

29. Compassion is contagious Spread it today

30. Thank You