God's Plan for Marriage: Roles and Duties

Sunday, January 27, 2013 Speaker: Doug Virgint God’s plan for marriageEphesians 5:21-33Message 2 in our 5-part series on Ephesians 5 and 6.

God’s plan for marriage Introduction Context The foundational principle The wife’s roles and duties The husband’s roles and duties Conclusion God’s plan for marriage 2

Introduction Counter-cultural!! 4

The context Two imperatives: Negative – be not drunk with wine Positive – be filled with the Spirit Followed by 5 participles that lay out what all that this means 6

The context Be filled with the Spirit (18) FIVE EVIDENCES AND OUT WORKINGS: Speaking (19) Singing (19) Making melody (20) Giving thanks (20) Submitting (21)

The context Submitting (21) The final in a list of 5 participles A transition to a new subject To the three vital relationships that are the foundations for all societies 8

The context Submitting (21) VsGroupsMotivation 5:21 submit to one another fear of Christ 5:22 wives to husbands as to the Lord 6:1 children parents in the Lord 6:5 servants obey masters as … Christ 9

The context Submitting (21) 5:22 literal translation Wives to the own husbands as to the Lord The verb is not there – it is assumed from the preceding verse. 10

The context Submitting (21) A final thought on the context: Only a true Christian can live out these passages Furthermore, even a true Christian cannot accomplish this – obey this – unless he is filled with the Spirit of God. 11

Foundational principle Mutual submission Submit to one another in the fear of Christ hupatasso – to arrange under a Greek military term meaning “to arrange troop divisions under the command of a leader” in the middle voice (somewhat like reflexive) a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating

Foundational principle Mutual submission Now in 2013, this is counter-cultural!! freedom and liberty self-assertion, self-seeking liberation theology women’s liberation and feminism democracy selfishness and self-centeredness 14

Foundational principle Mutual submission (My sources) Many of the following thoughts on the evidences of a truly submissive heart are borrowed for Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones, the great Welch preacher. 15

Foundational principle Mutual submission What this does not mean! inferiority lack of intelligence teaching based on culture being a person of less value 16

Foundational principle Mutual submission What this does mean! less self-assertion signing away our right to determine our own life and activity being under authority not independent of others or individualistic thoughtful of others’ needs not opinionated 17

Foundational principle Mutual submission What this does mean! not dictatorial (“lording over others”) not self seeking – not self centered not looking down on others not resisting criticism not impatient of others’ points of view not proud!! knowing the truth about ourselves 18

Foundational principle Mutual submission What this does mean! understanding that we are part of a whole more concerned about the good of the whole body than our own “good” the man in the army is fighting for his country, not for himself willing to learn, to understand that often others know things and understand things better than we do 19

Foundational principle Mutual submission Two things we must not forget! 1) Only he or she who is filled by the Spirit can live like this – have these attitudes and mind sets! “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control”(Galatians 5:22, 23) 20

Foundational principle Mutual submission Two things we must not forget! Our motivation to live this way is the “fear of Christ !” 21

Foundational principle Mutual submission a) Christ taught us to live like this “But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:26-27) 22

Foundational principle Mutual submission Christ taught us to live like this “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.”(John 13:14-16) 23

Foundational principle Mutual submission b) To show our gratitude to Christ “All mine are yours, and yours are mine, and I am glorified in them.”(John 17:9) We want to please our Lord We want the people of this world to glorify God when they see the way we live 24

Foundational principle Mutual submission c) To show our love to Christ Our overriding motivation for our Christian life must be our love for the Lord That is more important than law We do not want to disappoint the One who loved us and who gave his life for us 25

Foundational principle Mutual submission d) Because our works will be judged “… each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.”(1 Cor. 3:12-15) 26

Wife’s roles - duties Wives submit to your own husbands Three underlying principles Just because we become Christians does not mean that we immediately will be right in all we think and do. When we become Christians new problems can appear in our lives. Christianity has something to say about the whole of our lives. 28

Wife’s roles - duties “Wives submit to your own husbands” To follow God’s plan for the family not only is pleasing to Him, it is the only way to godlier, happier, and more secure homes. His plan is neither the exaltation of man and suppression of woman, nor the exaltation of woman and the suppression of man, but for the perfection and fulfillment of both man and women as God has exalted them to be. Such perfection and fulfillment is made possible by the filling of the Holy Spirit. (John MacArthur) 29

Wife’s roles - duties The Old Testament basis “Your desire shall be for your husband,and he shall rule over you.”(Genesis 3:16) “And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”(Genesis 4:7) “Desire” – wanting to control – take over 30

Wife’s roles - duties The Old Testament basis When Satan tempted Eve, she did not consult her husband but took her own decision. When Eve tempted Adam he did not take his role of leader. One of the curses imposed by God after the fall is the battle of the sexes – the woman trying to control the man. 31

Wife’s roles - duties Some practical ideas Let your attitude to your husband be based on your attitude towards the Lord. If we are having trouble with submission to others, it is almost certain that we are also having problems submitting to the Lord. This is a heart issue and heart issues are much more important than hats or silence in the Church. 32

Wife’s roles - duties Some practical ideas Encourage your husband to be a leader in your family and in your church. Show respect to your husband before others, and especially in front of your children. Your husband is going to be wrong sometimes. If the issue does not involve a moral question, swallow your pride and give in anyway. 33

Wife’s roles - duties There are limits Do not allow your husband to force you to sin There are appropriate ways to refuse to be led into sin by someone in authority over us. Think about Daniel chapter 1. You do not have to put up with constant abuse Submission does not mean that you cannot think or have a life. The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 had a life! 34

Wife’s roles - duties A final word on this subject Only a strong person can be submissive. Submissiveness is not timidity, it is not servility, it is not subservience, it is not docility, it is not degrading, it is not a sign of weakness. Submission is a sign of strength, not of weakness, and a greater degree of submission requires a greater degree of strength of personal character. 35

Wife’s roles - duties A final word on this subject Submission is an act of the will — it is the result of a choice, a decision. The act of submission can only come from a choice that a person makes. Submission cannot be enforced upon a person. Either a person submits of their own free will or they do not submit at all. Submission is a gift that one person chooses to give to another person. 36

Wife’s roles - duties A final word on this subject By contrast oppression is the act of extracting something from a person against their will. Submission and oppression are, therefore, opposite qualities of a relationship and not even remotely similar. Those people who look down on submission as if it were something demeaning, degrading or humiliating are merely showing that they have no understanding of what submission is and that they are quite ignorant of its power. 37

Husband’s roles - duties Love your wives There are three verses on the wives attitudes and duties’ … There are eight verses on the husbands’ attitudes and duties!!! 39

Husband’s roles - duties Love your wives 25-27 – what Christ has done for the church and why he has done it 28-29a – preliminary remarks on the duty of the husband towards his wife 29b-30, 32 – the mystical union between Christ and the church 31,33 – final practical conclusions 40

Husband’s roles - duties Love your wives No husband is entitled to be the leader in his home if he does not love his wife Power must be tempered by love The manifestation of the Holy Spirit when He fills us involves the power of love A husband’s leadership and authority is guarded by his love 41

Husband’s roles - duties Some practical ideas Every day when you wake up, think of some way to prove to your wife that you still love her. 42

Husband’s roles - duties Some practical ideas Love your wife as Christ loved the church – holding nothing back. Christ’s love for the church does not depend on being loved back! Love your wife in the same way you love your own body and life. You quickly look after your own needs and desires. Put the same priority and energy into meeting your wife’s needs and desires. 43

Husband’s roles - duties Some practical ideas Be considerate and full of respect. Quit irritating habits. Carry heavy loads for her. Open the car door for her. Do not be harsh with your wife. Irritated tones of voice and impatience do not communicate love. Remember - your wife is a precious gift from God to you. Rejoice in your wife – tell her often why you appreciate her. 44

Husband’s roles - duties Some practical ideas Do not show interest in other women. Let her know that she is the only woman in your life. You can do that through controlling your glances (Proverbs 5:20) Praise your wife often – call her blessed! Honour your marriage by keeping it pure 45

Conclusion Men - every day when you wake up, think of some way to prove to your wife that you still love her Women – let your husband know that you admire him – be his fan 47

Conclusion Women, don’t marry someone – or even get involved in serious dating or relationships with them – if you know that you will not be able to trust them enough to submit to them in this way Men – marry a woman because of what you see in her heart – not because she is sexy 48

God's Plan for Marriage: Roles and Duties