Why You Should Forget About Improving Your badoo czy tinder

1. I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Still, no response. At this time I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely was not my best moment, but it wasn't hers either. Apparently, as I discovered afterwards, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal plan." The meal plan, if you're not familiar with it, is when girls go on dates with guys merely to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone until there: all 37 dates to be exact. Of course at first I was outraged. How could women take advantage of me like that? Especially since I was being so vulnerable by putting myself out there to ask them out in the first place. As I matured in my online relationship, however, I understood that this was actually a reaction for what men do to women. There are three major levers in our lives which, if we pull them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships are the difference between depression and elation. I learned this first hand because in the past five years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I quit the career I had been building for over 7 years and I left my 10-year relationship with my girlfriend that I believed I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and relationship novice. I was scared. I was scarred. One day, I was sitting in the shower feeling sorry for myself for over an hour. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene activated and a small voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you are not. You are going to kick online dating's ass!" I began to channel my misery into anger, and my anger into determination. I began to approach online dating just like one big experiment. I started creating what I called,"The Process." In this blog post I'll take you through the entire process I took to learn online dating. By optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, starting meaningful conversations, and even crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so that you can't just get dates, but possibly discover the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I should preface that depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may need to be different than the below. However, the important takeaway here is to pull back the

2. feelings that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I will go meet fascinating people and do interesting things," you will be more inclined to enjoy the procedure. And, if you're diligent, you may end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 years and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies aren't all that crazy, but maybe they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Listen to the Modern Dating Show Podcast for more tips, tricks, and embarrassingly real stories. Note: You can also hear the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I cover a lot of these strategies as we navigate the current struggles and embarrassments of his own dating trip (and answer listener questions). The absolute most common mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their goal clearly. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we are searching for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario that I've found is that both women and men who are searching for a meaningful relationship are maximizing their relationship for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with online dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She is an incredibly smart and capable woman and she's' quite beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help. Basically, so as to maximize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photographs. Now I want to be clear, there is nothing wrong with women having"promiscuous" pictures online. The issue, in the event of dating, is the format of a relationship and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to intuitively pick up on visual cues much faster than written clues. In fact, they've found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles conceal most information other than the profile photo before a user clicks, resulting in

3. provocative photos sets a bad first impression. So, while it is totally fine to have hot photos up on your instagram, leading together on your online dating profile is sending signals that could be attracting the wrong type of guy. There are also plenty of classy ways to have intriguing pictures that speak to more than just the subconscious mind. Internet Dating pictures can be both classy and intriguing So, although Maddy was trying to find a relationship, her photos were sending signals that she is searching for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 4 For men, we tend to have the opposite issue. Every guy who has done online dating will testify to the battle of getting a woman to swipe right on their profile, let alone to make them participate in a conversation. Guys, this is entirely your own fault. I have seen men spend hours talking about the statistics of their favorite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will influence the team's chances. However, when it comes to online dating, men tend to slap a few pictures in their profile and then begin swiping like orangutans until their fingers develop calluses. Men, stop. Before you start creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to achieve. Are you trying to date a lot of people? Or are you trying to find a meaningful relationship? And"both" is not an answer. As the saying goes... "If you try to appeal to everyone, you will interest no one." The techniques I'll outline below work for desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. For instance, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a great deal of dates (3--4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I only realized months after that, while it's good to go on a great deal of dates and get practice relationship (recall I had been off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I had been dating the right people. Fortunately I realized this before I was the victim of any more"meal programs ."

4. STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile images and descriptions First impressions matter. According to a study from Princeton, it's projected that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make our mind up about whether we like the person in less than one second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They do not get to hear you talk. They do not get to shake your hand. They do not get to smell you (it is a thing). All you get is one picture and there is a 99% chance it is the wrong one. If a person is approaching online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to test is your profile picture. I first started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first image was not my best. It was interesting feedback, but I wasn't sure how I could test numerous pictures considering that I could only put one as the default. The answer: testing across apps. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr. I kept my profile description the same on each profile, but I put up another profile image on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles before I could find a large enough sample size and make certain that the platform wasn't effecting results. Four of my actual dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture which I thought was my best was always the one with the least games. Interestingly enough, a film that I did not read into, pic B, was really a huge turn off for pretty much 100 percent of women. I was shocked when I found out this, co napisać do dziewczyny na fb because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mineso I never would have made this connection. Sometimes your photos can be your greatest blind spot. To totally test out this idea, I really enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) to the experiment and had them change out their profile pictures.

5. They got varied results, but one thing was consistent: the picture they thought was their best, never performed the best. This is a super simple optimization that can look like a pain today, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20 percent of work which will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them often. Top Tip: If you would like to speed this process up, you can actually ask your matches what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a game wasn't going well, I decided to get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she believed was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I wasn't getting jobs.) Descriptions are negotiable In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself" Now, a part of this error may be my fault, because I took his advice quite literally. I started to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and act how I wanted to act. This turned out to be a horrible idea. With no filter or thought behind my actions, I rubbed more than a few people the wrong way. Now that I have matured a bit, I have come to realize that there's a difference between being your overall self and being yourself. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are never our complete selves except when we are by ourselves. Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," which you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signs to give to other men and women. A man wearing a button up top, for example, isn't always wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the signal that he's wealthy. Much like a person who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she doesn't want to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is indicating that he's okay with subsequent convention. In college I met a girl at a party who immediately caught my attention. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the entire party dancing and flirting. We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria after that week. I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a woman walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. Initially I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we started talking. After some awkward conversation, she explained that her friends were sick of her being single so they'd dressed her up to be"cuter" for the party to attract a man.

6. I was that guy. I didn't care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had almost nothing in common. The outfit she had used as a sign at the party didn't match her personality in any way. We ended the date cordially and proceeded on. Choosing your signs is good, but choosing false signals not so much. The same goes for your online dating profile description. You do not want to lie, but you also don't want to be your complete self. You want to tell them about how you collect classic records, you don't need to tell them about the way you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You need to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not want to let them know about how you ran over your cat. First impressions matter. Crafting a good description is perhaps the toughest and personal bit of improving your online dating profile. There is no right answer, but there are definitely some incorrect answers. The first step to having a great dating profile description is using a clear structure. I break down a relationship profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A brief sentence someone can read quickly. Intro Paragraph: A bit longer description that provides some color to your interests and personality. Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help another person by letting them know something that you can talk about. Ladies this is particularly true for you. If you don't want guys messaging you"hey" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with. Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating programs the way they surf social networking sites: fast and without much thought. It might be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to browse everything in a similar manner. Because of this, I think the headline is perhaps the most crucial bit of your description and you need to try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I found that this one worked best for me: The objective of the headline is to give a fast snapshot of what's unique about you. Having a headline that's authentic, interesting, and brief acts like a stop sign for the person who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. Chances are they'll laugh at the question. As any solid content marketer knows, great content is about respecting the medium that you are producing the content for. For instance, if I went up to a woman at a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active," she will definitely get up and leave. The reverse is true for online dating, however. You want your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and be sure it is quintessentially you.

7. Once that initial curiosity is peaked, you can begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to compose a novel about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this individual, your headline and picture being the first two. The intro paragraph gives a small amount of colour and perhaps some talking points that you two can discuss in conversation (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to add if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outdoors as much as you can! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing volleyball. I am a creative at heart but I really like learning about new and businesses ideas. I am into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss. My ideal Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe." This paragraph outlines a couple of basic activities and hobbies I enjoy as well as some non-standard items like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The most important thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic actions that could apply to pretty much anybody. "I enjoy hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I'm sure that there are people in the world who don't like watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95% or more of the folks in your area enjoy both those things too. As opposed to trying to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so you can discover common ground, but also things which are uniquely you. For example in my description above: -- Most people like being outdoors and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. The Call To Action This is optional, although it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In relationship, you basically need the individual to message you. This sounds like a no brainer, but I've found that a whole lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged

8. from making initial contact. I have heard countless stories of girls who have matched with a guy who they really enjoy, but the man never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, they say that they don't know what to say or they don't want to appear desperate. Butobviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that says: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other internet dating programs too. My CTA goes as follows: "You should message me if you're an interesting person who likes to play outdoors." Again, as with all this information, when in doubt just test it out. Try having a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. If they don't, simply delete it. The attractiveness of dating programs is that instead of having 1--5 chances to make a connection, as you would if you went to a bar for example, you have tens of thousands of opportunities and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 -- Making initial talking and contact where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" relationship is when it comes to the conversation. Having to talk online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you're trying to begin a new relationship. For one thing, it's a really unnatural way of communicating, since it's been shown that we receive 55 percent of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communicating. It makes sense then that when you take millions of people and put them in a supernatural communication environment you get some pretty unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with bizarre conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online relationship, then it's a good idea to study your results a little bit. As I got better at optimizing my profile, I started matching with a growing number of people. This gave me the chance to start testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I just would not have been able to determine if I didn't have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible thoughts I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let us examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a bad one. QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best? For bonus points, try to purchase them from most effective to least effective. What is it going?" How was your

9. weekend?" C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or some other variation of the sort of question). D) "Hey! How did you like X book?" (according to a book they listed in their profile) I'll allow you to consider it for a second. (I will add some distance before the answer below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer Scroll for the answer And the answer is... If you guessed D, you picked the best answer! (If you guessed C, you picked the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the answers are B, D, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found that the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X novel," that clearly depends if they have put a book in their profile. You can alter this to ask about some other part of the profile, like a picture or a location in their pictures. The reason I guess the book one works best though is because a) it shows you really read their profile and b) it indicates that you read. If I can use the book opener to initiate a conversation I typically also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x book? (This is the way I opened the conversation with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I began with this opener felt a lot more natural and moved past a few messages. The next best choice,"Hey! Works almost as well, but it's obviously confined to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be strange if you used this on a Friday). An alternate version I tried on Thursdays or Fridays was,"Hey! Have any fun plans for the weekend?" This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it is because it sounds too much like I am about to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think of something interesting.

10. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you have made contact and the other person has responded, it is time to have a conversation. Every dialog changes, but there are a few guidelines that I will put in here as suggestions. First, some online dating tips for men: DON'T try to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can not tell you the number of messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is that I know that the guy is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation just like you want a friend. DO try to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own thoughts. Among the most common complaints I have heard from female friends is they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also share things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You're..." will only result in a polite"thank you" and won't create meaningful conversation. Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I have tried to be friendly and nice, I've still received very curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much men pretend they don't care about the conversation, they do. And they usually don't have any clue what they are doing, so offer them some help and direct the conversation in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking any of your own. If you are tired of discussions feeling like interviews, then be certain to ask the guy about things he is interested in also. DON'T make conclusions too soon. In my experience women tend to put a good deal more thought in their text messages than guys do. If a guy says something that seems weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he didn't either. Now a proposal for both parties: Try to move the conversation from online to in real life relatively fast. Online dating is a great tool to meet someone, but it is just that. It's a tool, it is not actual dating. My overall recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two brief conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. Thus, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have begun talking about using a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get them off quickly. In real life is a good deal more fun too in case you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Making a date sequence that will cause you to smile more and sweat less After I had mastered the online part of relationship, I soon realized that procuring the date is just half the battle. The second half of the battle, how well the date goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your residence.

11. In which you have your date decides about 50--70 percent of the outcome of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date? As it happens, it is actually at the most commonly selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant. Initially I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. But bear in mind, I was completely new to relationship so I was only following what I had seen in movies. Many of them did not go well, but I was not certain why. After a dozen or so awkward (and pricey ) dates, I decided that I should experiment with several other locations. What occurred next was absolutely mind blowing. It wasn't that I was doing anything differently or that I was picking better girls to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I think dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You sit down at a table. You begin talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You continue to talking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You are not ready to order since you have been talking. The waiter gives you"another moment." You look at the menu making remarks about the choices. The waiter comes back ten minutes later. You order food. Then you run out of things to discuss. What should you do next? You have to keep talking. A dinner date provides no choices. It's a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost instantly. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has enhanced our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in- house communication abilities. Therefore, if we're getting worse at getting in-person conversations, why would you bet your whole love life on the fact you will be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? 3 Rules for Creating Great Dates I never thought that dating could be a life-or-death action, but one day changed all that. I had been holding on to a small ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the ground like a giant cat toy. My fingers began to sweat and I knew that I couldn't hold on to the ledge much longer. "O well," I thought,"this will be a great bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I anticipated the sharp jolt of the rope in my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I began falling for what felt like eternity. As it turns out, my climbing partner had let go of the rope just as I had slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't grab the rope until I had fallen 15 ft to what I was sure was my forthcoming death.

12. Eventually the rope finally stopped and I felt a huge jolt, both physically and emotionally. "Okay this date might be a little too exciting," I thought. My entire dating career made a 180-degree turn once I began carrying my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. Some of these activities worked better than others. However, I found out that the most essential elements to a great date place could be distilled into three categories: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your scenery is shifting so you can pick up new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" Activity -- Can we do the activity reasonably well? I've seen men get this one pretty wrong. It is fun to teach someone something that you are passionate about, but make certain it is not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing? Make sure she isn't afraid of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! No chemistry? No problem, how do we end the date sooner? With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence that nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went on. I know what you're thinking,"This guy took women out to the very same areas like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" This was my go-to sequence, but, based on interests, I'd substitute unique activities to keep the dates interesting. This was merely a template that simplified my decisions and decreased the cognitive load I was putting on my brain. So here's my perfect dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks each Friday by the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everybody has different food preferences. Then (if you are a man ) you have to account for cost of meals. Off the grid accomplishes this because there are over 20 different kinds of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it allows you to walk around, people watch, and get drinks. It is possible to extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a few go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the beach. Why I like it: What these actions had in common were the 3 factors: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we could alternate between activity and talking. Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night at the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can grab drinks and look at exhibits. Why I like it: This date was particularly important because if a woman had made it to date #3, it meant I actually

13. liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal event so we can both dress nicely for that particular night. This was also my secret test because if a girl didn't like science and facts it likely would not work out between us anyway. As an added bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the evening. Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are merely three examples of how to take online dating offline and create a reasonably successful dating sequence. Here are a few ideas on what to look for on each date as you attempt to create your own dating arrangement: Date #1: Look for a casual environment that isn't intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for great conversation. Make sure that you can reliably visit this area, so avoid places with long waits or where you need to make reservations. Ensure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try to not book a person's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You have broken the ice and you've both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Choose an activity you'll both like that isn't too tricky. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence in which you alternate between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations. Date #3: You both confirmed you like each other, it is time to take it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It should be romantic, it should test how compatible you both really are, and it should confirm whether you want to keep on seeing each other long term. After the excitement of dates one and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so make sure whatever you choose gives new intimacy to the relationship. By way of instance, if I didn't go to the Cal Academy I would go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe one of the most important pieces of the internet dating puzzle that I see guys screw up again and again is timing. Assuming the guy is the one forcing the relationship sequence (which is not always the case) there are some questions you need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? When should you go for the kiss? Here I will share my answers to these questions that I've found most useful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your comfort your answers may vary. The main thing is to actually consider timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It is very easy to let a great online dialog die out. You message her, she messages youback and forth, back and forth. To be able to make sure I do not waste all my time with online conversations I found that it was best to ask a woman to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or roughly 20 minutes of continuous conversation. Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of the digital world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it is very easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, working as"the new guy" at a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales team. One thing I discovered is that each and every time they were ending a call they would ask,"okay so what does your

14. calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no great also. Okay how about the week after that?" No matter what the prospect said, the salesperson would insist on at least"penciling" another meeting into the calendar with the choice of cancelling if needed. Once I took this technique and applied it to relationship, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always ask for the second date on the first date. One of the worst things about dating is that you are putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting plenty of uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. No one likes to look at their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. No one likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals do not mind if you do not like them, they just want to know. So my suggestion would be to quit playing games, both with the other person and on your own. If you like them, tell them you like them. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle means to do this is by telling them that you are not prepared to date at this time. I had a woman tell me and it was the easiest let down I've ever experienced and utilized it later myself too). I must pause here for one caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not constantly. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they've just met and then they proceed to text them, call them, and watch them day after day after day. Stop Chasing Shadows once I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He explained,"Girls are like shadows, the more you chase them, the longer they run away. The more you run away, the longer they pursue you." If you discover someone who you would like to be with really poorly, do not scare them away by being fanatical. If they like you too, there's no need to chase them. Yes, you should actively attempt to establish a date, but there's no reason to go on dates every single night of the week. Permit the relationship to have some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge whether a relationship is going well is if you end up missing the other person and vice versa. There's a lot of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there's even scientific evidence for it as well. In several studies, anthropologists have found that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that connection have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers at the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans.

15. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing telephone patterns and duration, the researchers at the university found that humans will also invest more effort into relationships when there is a probability of that connection weakening. I tried applying this research to dating in a relatively straightforward way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse in between dates, paradoxically, makes the relationship strengthen rather than weaken. My cadence for relationship that I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- factor This arrangement meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a 1 month period. This allowed for enough time for the connection to mature and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was particularly helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, these dating strategies helped me tremendously, but based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process might need to be different than the one above. In actuality, because relationship is such an emotional activity (like job hunting), it is imperative to have a system set up to help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you are getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to simply hop on and hold on. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you have been on a few less intense rides can help you enjoy the ride a good deal more. As we frequently discuss about the podcast, when you let go of expectations and just create your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the help of world-class investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and minimize your chance of catastrophic failure. A means of doing this is by going on dates which aren't only sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your dating partner behaves, at least you will have a good time doing something interesting. And, to minimize the risk, you should build both an outreach and relationship sequence so you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Locate a few activities you like doing and then fit the dates into those activities. This is also a great way to filter out people who aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run. Naturally, regardless of how well I did all the above things, I had my share of terrible dates. The girl who used me as a meal plan being just one of many. Dating is a rollercoaster that will scare you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But bear in mind, when you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You are never as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are."

16. Take every date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you constantly work on yourself, improving your conversations, your dates, and your connection with others, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. Until then, strap in and enjoy the ride. If you enjoyed this post, I would super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below to ensure that more people can discover it. And, if you have any more questions about dating, listen to our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the display.