“Be the change you want to see in the world.” 2. October : International day of Non- Violence
If the word “violent” means acting in ways, which result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate with ourselves and each other can be called violent.
Forms of the violent language we use towards ourselves (Jackal Language) • Labels:“ I’m a really naïve/ indecisive / weak person.” • Judges:“I’m a bad & unloving parent if I cannot talk to my children without shouting at them.” • Blames:“It’s my fault that she doesn’t want to talk to me. I shouldn’t tell her that I’m not interested in her proposal.” • Self - punishment:“I don’t deserve to be loved/ respected.” • Jumps to conclusions: “Iwas not able to solve this problem with the students. I’m not a real professional.” • Compares: “I will never be as good & loved teacher as she is.” • “Should”-s:“Ishould stop smoking.” or “I should be more strict and rigorous if I want the children to listen to me.”
What is Nonviolent Communication (NVC)? • The assumption of NVC: human beings are compassionate by nature. • It is human nature to enjoy giving and receiving, to serve life, to contribute to the well being of others. • A way of communicating that leads us to give from the heart and to remain human even under trying conditions. • NVC is more than a process, it’s a reminder of our intention to live with compassion.
Aims of NVC • Connecting with the life within ourselves and within others. • Creating peace within ourselves and with others. • Creating the quality of connection in which the mutual joy of contributing to the well being of one another allows for everyone’s needs to be met.
I. Peace begins with us • How to connect with what’s alive in me? • How to learn from my mistakes without losing self-respect?
Empathic connection • Understanding from the heart (instead of understanding coming from the head) • Presence in the moment. Connecting with what’s alive (feelings and needs) in me at this moment. • Being with myself without making judgments. • Seeing the life, the beauty inside of me. • Compassionate attention towards 4 areas:
Observations • Differentiate observation from judgment. Creates a ground from which we can start to connect. We can fight on the level of opinions, but cannot fight on the level of pure facts. • What a video camera may record. • The stimulus, not the cause of my reactions.
ENJOY THE JACKAL SHOW!
Feelings • Differentiate feelings from thoughts :“I feel that… / like… / you…” are thoughts, not feelings. • Differentiate feelings from victim words. • Feelings are messages that point to our needs. • We are responsible for our feelings.
Needs and Values • Needs are the root of our feelings. • Differentiate needs from strategies. Needs are never in conflict, only strategies are. • Identification of needs leads to understanding. • Needs are universal, impersonal and general. • People act to meet their needs.
4 components of NVC • Observations • Feelings • Needs • Requests
Requests • Use positive language when making requests. • Make requests concrete and doable. • Differentiate requests from demands.
II. Connecting with others “Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself. All things are bound together. All things connect.” - Chief Seattle
THE DYNAMICS OF NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION Empathically Listening to othersHonestly Expressing how I am
Gratitude Contributing to the well-being of others is one of the most primary and satisfying human needs. “In our daily lives we must see that this is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy.” - Albert Clarke
Your presentation was wonderful! You are so smart and intelligent! I feel so grateful that you shared with us your investigation. It gave me a deeper understanding about the topic and now I know how to proceed in my own work.
Lazy giraffe’s gratitude: “Thank you!” Don’t dehumanize people by complimenting them or praising them. (positive judgments are still judgments)
The intent of gratitude in NVC: to celebrate Life 3 steps to express our gratitude and appreciation: • What did the other person do or say, that you want to celebrate? • How do you feel about that? 3. What needs of yours were met by his/ her actions?
“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world, as in being able to remake ourselves.” - Gandhi
For more information: www.cnvc.org www.essencebulgaria.org email@example.com