10 Key Steps to Change Your Life

1. 10 Key Steps to Change Your Life: How to be Happy and Lead a Fulfilling Life by Jenny Sutrisna Tan http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com Sign up for my FREE Motivational e-Newsletter at http://www.keystepstochangeyourlife.com to receive regular inspirational updates and change your life the way you always want it.

2. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com 10 KEY STEPS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE How to Be Happy & Lead A Fulfilling Life By Jenny Sutrisna Tan http://www.keystepstochangeyourlife.com Jenny’s mission is to share the blessings to as many people as possible especially those who’re urgently in need of those blessings, i.e. those in the impoverished countries, to give them hope, future, and the happiness that they dream so that they too can find their life purpose, have faith, and by finding their own, they too can be the blessings to others and thus, creating a ripple effect in this world. I also carry another important mission that is to share to as many people as possible on how they can take charge and have full control of their life. Because of this, I’m giving you my permission to share this special e-book (worth $59) to anyone whom you think will be benefited from this e-book by either directing them to http://www.keystepstochangeyourlife.com or to forward them a copy of this book with the pre-condition that you DO NOT ALTER the content of this e-book in any way. Thank you for your understanding. Disclaimer The Publisher has strived to be as accurate and complete as possible in the creation of this e-book, notwithstanding the fact that she does not warrant or represent at any time that the contents within are accurate due to the rapidly changing nature of the Internet. While all attempts have been made to verify information provided in this publication, the Publisher assumes no responsibility for errors, omissions, or contrary interpretation of the subject matter herein. Any perceived slights of specific persons, peoples, or organizations are unintentional. In practical advice books, like anything else in life, there are no guarantees of income made/ results. Readers are cautioned to rely on their own judgment about their individual circumstances and act accordingly. This e-book is for informational purposes only and is not intended for use as a source of legal, business, accounting or financial advice. All readers are advised to seek services of competent professionals in legal, business, accounting and finance fields. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 2

3. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com TESTIMONIALS What my subscribers are saying about 10 Key Steps to Change Your Life: Hey Jenny, thank you for writing this eBook. Your book is very interesting and valuable! The way you write your story is indeed very interacting. You ask questions to readers making it like a conversation so it is not boring. And the best thing is, the action steps you shared in this book is very powerful. It is definitely very value added for me as the reader and I’m pretty sure that others will feel the same too! I will share this eBook with my friends and relatives whom I know will get the benefit from this book. (Lee May Loo – May 29th, 2017) Hi Jenny, I read your book and I really loved it. It's really refreshing because you cover the topics from different angle and the way you write it is very interacting. To share with you, I used to live life without much thinking and I'd usually just go with the flow. This makes me feel small and despite that I have quite a good life, I did not feel happy at all. In fact, I felt depressed because life is just like that, meaningless. And that's why I was intrigued by your book title and decided to download it. After reading your book, I was surprised to realise that the reason I often felt depressed and dissatisfied with my life is none other than because of myself! I decided to change the way I think and start to plan for a purposeful life. Although, it's just a beginning but I can feel that my life starts to change for the better now. I started to notice all the good things happening in my life and life is now more rewarding and beautiful. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 3

4. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com Thanks, Jenny for bringing me to this realisation. I look forward to more of your sharing and stories through the newsletter. I will definitely share with my friends, families, and relatives your book and I will also recommend those I know who wish to make total changes in their life to subscribe your newsletter as well. All the best for you, Jenny! (Rebecca Wu – June 7th 2017) I will appreciate if you can send me your testimonial by sending an email to me at jennys.tan@KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com. I look forward to hear from you again! Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 4

5. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I dedicated this book specially to my mother, Susanti Ang, who single-handedly raised all her five children while at the same time to be the sole breadwinner in the family. She is strong woman who will always become my role model whom I always look upon. I become who I am now all because of her unconditional love and dedication. Thank you, mom! Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 5

6. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com Table of Contents INTRODUCTION ................................................................................................................ 7 How I was led to my life transformation. .................................................................................. 7 How my life has started to transform. .................................................................................... 11 STEP 1 - KNOW WHERE YOU ARE .................................................................................... 17 STEP 2 - LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE ........................................................................... 18 STEP 3 - KNOW HOW YOUR MIND WORKS ...................................................................... 20 STEP 4 - CHANGE YOUR MIND TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE ..................................................... 22 Case Study ............................................................................................................................. 22 What makes a belief? ............................................................................................................. 23 Exercise: Connect-the-influences ............................................................................................ 24 The Lens That You Put On ....................................................................................................... 25 Warm-up: Shake Out Negative Minds ..................................................................................... 28 Work Those Mouth Muscles ................................................................................................... 28 Do Some Reps ........................................................................................................................ 29 Cool-Down: Feel the Burn ...................................................................................................... 30 STEP 5 - TAKE RESPONSIBILITY ........................................................................................ 32 STEP 6 - BE AWARE ......................................................................................................... 39 For Your Eyes Only: Journaling to Release ............................................................................... 41 Meditation: Connecting Above Pain ....................................................................................... 43 STEP 7 - SET MEANINGFUL GOALS ................................................................................... 45 STEP 8 - TAKE ACTION ..................................................................................................... 49 Sign on the Dotted Line .......................................................................................................... 50 Dangle Your Own Carrot......................................................................................................... 51 Give Yourself Permission ........................................................................................................ 51 ‘Fess Up ................................................................................................................................. 52 Pinpoint Your Error ................................................................................................................ 52 Talk About It .......................................................................................................................... 53 Keep Good Records ................................................................................................................ 53 Change Strategy ..................................................................................................................... 54 STEP 9 - VISUALIZE YOUR SUCCESS .................................................................................. 55 Preparation: Boarding the Visualization Train ......................................................................... 56 Guided visualization ............................................................................................................... 57 Receptive visualization ........................................................................................................... 58 Altered memory visualization ................................................................................................. 59 STEP 10 - GET SUPPORT & BE A GIVER ............................................................................. 63 CONCLUSION .................................................................................................................. 65 Law of Attraction: Manifesting Love, Money and Success ........................................................ 65 The Physical Power of Mindfulness ......................................................................................... 72 Are you ready for a new life?.................................................................................................. 73 RESOURCES .................................................................................................................... 76 Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 6

7. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com INTRODUCTION Hey, I’m Jenny Sutrisna Tan, the author of 10 Key Steps to Change Your Life and the founder of Key Steps to Change Your Life Facebook page as well as the website http://keystepstochangeyourlife.com. What I feel like saying is that, I would like to thank you for downloading this e-book. By downloading this e-book, it shows that you too wish to have a freedom of your life and break free from the mind-prison that you set for yourself, knowingly or unknowingly. I would like to share with you my story and I hope it can be an encouragement for you to show that if I can do it so can you. How I was led to my life transformation. Have you ever felt stuck with your life? You think you are just an ordinary person who follows through daily routines. Almost every day you go through the same tasks, wake up in the morning, get ready to work, go to office, work a nine-to-five job and socialize with your workmates, then you come back home, have some dinner, and then get Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 7

8. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com ready to sleep and repeating exactly the same routine the next day. You may have some relax time for yourself but generally your schedule was like what I mentioned. You have big dreams but it just remains as dream because you think that someone ordinary like you will not be able to fulfil that dream. You wish to be extraordinary but you doubt, you feel ashamed and so you take a step back. You think to yourself what can you do when you are just a boy/ girl/ man/ woman next door. So, you just go with the flow and you go back to your daily routine. You think that someone else will be more fit to achieve that dream and it is enough for you to just be passive, stand at one corner and give your support. Is this story similar to yours? If you ever think this way. It is alright. I was once like this too. In fact, the story that I shared was actually my story. So instead of getting into more depression or becoming more upset, you should thank yourself that you gave yourself another chance to change your life by downloading this book. When you finish reading this book, it will be your first step to open the door that will lead you to a happy fulfilling life. *** I was born in Jakarta, Indonesia to a traditional Chinese family. I am the fourth among five children in the family. My dad passed away in 1999 when I was fourteen years old. My mom had to single-handedly raised us and forced to become the sole breadwinner. She is an extra-ordinary alpha woman who stands on her own and with her persistence, perseverance, and determination, she managed to bring the family business to another level and achieved greater success. From my mom, I learned how to be tough and independent. That as long as we want to really fight for what’s worth fighting for, we will sure have it. My mum is a tiger mum and I greatly thanked her for that. When I was a kid, I was the “softest” in the family. I always cried even for the simplest thing. I cried when I watched sad movies or dramas. I cried when my brothers threw jokes on me. I remembered my mom would scold me whenever I cried. The more I cried the more I would be scolded and punished. With the discipline lessons from my mom, I grow up to be a resilient and a very determined woman. During my university, while pursuing my study I also worked part Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 8

9. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com time as a IT instructor in one of the most popular training center for IT in Jakarta. During these three and half year period, my days were spent with only work and study. For most of the day, I started to teach from 9 o’clock in the morning to as late as 10 o’clock in the evening.I’m proud that I paid for my study from the salary I earned from this job. There were days when I only had one thousand rupiahs in my pocket (that’s about 80 cents) and I the only thing I could buy to eat is a vegetable fried fritters from the street vendor. I ate it with rice I cooked in the student hostel so I would feel fuller. It did not taste awesome but it got me through the day. Once I graduated from university, I managed to get a job in one of the leading MNC in Singapore. I moved to Singapore in 2007 together with my then boyfriend who is now my husband. We got married in 2009 when I was 24 years old. One year later in 2010, we bought our own home in Singapore. And three years into our marriage, I was pregnant with my first child. I was then working in an internationally renowned media broadcasting’s company. My career was bright and ready to set off to an even higher level that time. Life seems good back then. The company’s environment is very conducive, the colleagues were very supportive and I had a very supportive leader. However, my job in IT field would sometimes took a lot of time and my pregnancy got me thinking of quitting my job and switching to a totally new career altogether which can give me time flexibility so I can focus on raising my daughter to ensure she has the attention she needs. I chose to be a real estate consultant which is considered as a self-employed so that I could have my own time and target. Just to share with you that I’m an extremely introvert person and for this reason alone, many people who’re close to me would doubt that I could have the cut and become successful as a housing agent and this included my husband too. Back then, only my mother would give me her 100% support. However, this didn’t scare me. Those who know me would know that once I decided on one thing, I will pursue and make that thing happen. And so, I became a housing agent in Singapore in 2013 after taking the course and passing the exam. The journey didn’t come easy but slowly, I started to show proof that I can do it too. Who knows that it turned out I really love the work I do. Seeing my clients finally getting their dream home. Especially when I receiving praises and compliments from my clients. This is priceless. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 9

10. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com And then came the turning point. It all started in 2016. After overcoming many setbacks, I finally was earning 6 figure income a year as a real estate consultant. For many people, my life is a dream that they wish for and I should just be satisfied and settled for whatever I have. However, I was not happy at all! I, on the other hand, felt stuck and I could not break through. I saw my peers were doing better than me and I know that I can do better than them. They seem happier with their life too. I felt that I have not reached my fullest potentials. I knew yet I did not know how. No matter what I did, I just could not exceed my expectation. Slowly, I could see myself turned into a workaholic. For a real estate agent, weekend is always a precious time because it’s the busiest days among any other day. We meet clients when they were on their rest day. Hence, I had very little time for my family and in fact, we didn’t really have a family time. My daughter is very understanding. But somehow, there will be guilt feelings lingering every time I had to leave for work. We had very little family time. However, I always told myself that it’s alright. This, eventually, led me to desperation and frustration. I could not really be where I wanted to be. I didn’t feel happy. I had little time for my family. I became impatient, getting annoyed easily. I could see myself changing into another person. Until one day, I was scrolling through my Facebook, I saw this ads that promoting a course which can help to multiplying your income, changing your life, mend the relationship and so on. I thought to myself, “Wow, what’s this about? This seems to be just like what I need, isn’t it?” The usual me will just think skeptically and will not bother to look at all. It sounds too good to be true, isn’t it? However, at that point of time, I was so desperate that I am willing to do anything to achieve my goal. And so, I clicked on the ads and without thinking further, I registered for the free workshop. Coming to the workshop, I was skeptical at first thinking that it could be a scam. That if it works so wonderfully, why are there still so many people not knowing about this. Again, I push on. I even took risk by registering for the full course since I thought I have nothing to lose. That was the first time I paid so much for a course from my own pocket (It was S$4,888 which was around USD3,600). Yet, I was so glad I did. There Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 10

11. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com is no regret at all attending the course and learnt the technique. Well, if there is any, the only regret I have till now is not knowing about it sooner. This incredible technique I learnt during the course is called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), I call it as the power food for the soul because it dramatically changes my life for the better just like how a power food does to our body. The effect of it exceeded way above my expectation. Initially I thought I would learn the secret of earning high income. Let me tell you that I did not. But I learnt way much more than that. If you want me to explain about what this technique is in one sentence it is about taking charge of our thoughts and how to control our thoughts to our desire. How my life has started to transform. - My relationship with my family improved significantly. I had a big fight with my mother in law and since then we were never really in good terms. We hardly talk to each other and things went on like this for almost 5 years and the funny thing is I couldn’t remember exactly the reason why we couldn’t get along in the first place. However, the sour and toxic feeling just remain there and I was unwilling to let go. This worsen my relationship with my husband too. Finally, after learning about NLP now I set myself free. I forgave myself and also my mother in law. All the anger, hate, and negative feelings I had for so long were all gone. I am now making up things with her and we are now in good terms. - I lost 6 kilograms which is equal to 13 pounds in three months. I gained muscle weight and I look fresh and energetic! Everyone I met was surprise at the drastic changes of how I look now, especially my mum and my siblings. Among the ladies in my family, I am the most ignorance with regards to my appearance and my health-lifestyle. I was the most unfit and the least health-conscious. They always complained about the food I eat, about how I always look lethargic, sleepy, lazy, etc. Because of this, I would think that never in their life they would expect that I would have changed this way. To be fair, it had never once come to my mind as well. After the NLP course, I run almost every day and I still continue even till today. This calendar below is the proof I can show you. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 11

12. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com My exercise calendar when I first started my weight-lost journey. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 12

13. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com This was me and my husband in June 2016 (My weight was slightly more than 53 Kg (117 pounds); my husband was around 102 Kg (225 pounds). This was us five months later (sometime in November 2016). - I am now more aware of what is going on within myself and of my surroundings. This is very important as it helps me to catch myself whenever I am in a disempowering state and thus I can change my mood almost in an instant. I used Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 13

14. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com to get annoyed very easily. Now, I can say that I’m a lot more patient and understanding. - I expose myself to a lot of new things. I become flexible and open to opportunities. - I enjoy my life more and started to fulfil my dream bucket list that were always there for very long time which I thought I would never be able to fulfil it. Before, there were so many reasons that hold me back. My life was just about work and work! My phone was always glued to my hand. Not long after the course, I decided that I deserve for a break so I went for an impromptu trip to Iceland and Finland between December 2016 – January 2017. Inside one of the glacier cave in Jokulsarlon, Iceland. In Santa Park, Arctic Circle, Finland. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 14

15. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com As for this year, these are the things I am going to do by end of 2017: o I am going for solo trip to Siem Reap in Cambodia. This may be nothing to most of you but this is something for me. This is going to be my very first solo trip ever in my life. o I signed up for mountain climbing to climb Mount Rinjani in Lombok which is the second highest mountain in Indonesia. o I registered for a marathon this year end (December 2017). o I am going to London for NLP Master Practitioner course in October. With this, I can advance my learning further so I can help/ guide many others with what I have learnt. I felt like I was reborn. My family and my close friends were the first one to be aware of my changes. They thought something was happening to me. I was totally a different person to them! Life has been fulfilling since then. My knowledge expands. I learn a lot of new things including about how I can manifest what have always been my dreams and how I started to put it into realization after I practice what have been taught. After I achieved so many breakthroughs, I found that this is my calling. I had received helps and now it is my turn to help others. I started to share more about what I have learnt and how it started to change my life to people that I know starting from my own friends, family, colleagues. And the more I share the more I want to reach out to more peoples in a hope that these people will have their lives transformed too. That is how I started to write this e-book. It’s been my longtime dream to make a difference in life. I used to think that this dream is just a wild dream. Anyway, what can I do? I’m not famous, I’m not super rich, I’m not this and that. In what capacity, will I ever achieve that dream? And not only that, I mentioned earlier that my life was all about work and work and work and so I was living in a virtual prison where I practically had no freedom. I don’t even dare to travel for too long, because I thought back then if I laze around and spend too much time on leisure I would have lost a lot of opportunities to make money, let alone to make a difference. Just how long do I need to leave my job to really make a difference! I know that how stupid I was for thinking that way with all the excuses, right? But I do aware that just Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 15

16. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com how many people think the same way as I did. Millions, perhaps. Luckily, things have now changed! My transformation journey led me to so many revelations that one day it suddenly struck on me what is my life purpose. That I, too, can make a difference! At that time, the fire within me was burning passionately. I know I can and I will do whatever it takes to accomplish it. Now that I have found the purpose in life, it has become my mission. I am committed to make a difference in as many lives as possible. I am going to share and bring awareness about just how any people can free themselves – their soul, by taking fully charge of their life and designing their own fate if they want to. It is to give them hope and happiness that they entitle to. There’re just too many miseries and stress in this world. Think of just how this world is going to be a lot more beautiful if everyone knows how to free themselves from the prison of their mind. I even thought that all children must be equipped and thought with these skills in the school to give them the tenacity they will need. And talking about school, my goal is also to build at least one school to start with for the poor children in impoverished countries. To end my story, knowing NLP is not the end of my journey. In fact, it is the beginning of my whole new life. There are still so many things I need to achieve and I believe there are still many more breakthroughs that I will receive. I promise you, my reader, that I will share with you the progress of my journey ahead, so, don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter! Do like and follow my Facebook page as well (http://www.facebook.com/KeyStepsToChangeYourLife) where I will be sharing daily motivational affirmations and videos. I hope that can be some form of encouragement to help you progress along the journey. And, just like how I hope I can be an encouragement to everyone reading this book, I would love to hear from you your story, your positive feedback or whatever you feel like saying by sending me an email to jennys.tan@keystepstochangeyourlife.com. What you share with me means a lot to me and it will surely be the source of inspiration for me to keep moving towards the goals. Together, let’s progress and strive. Without further ado, enjoy reading this book! Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 16

17. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com STEP 1 - KNOW WHERE YOU ARE “Where am I right now?” For every person to make progress ahead from one stop to another stop, we need to be aware of where we are right now and where we want to go next. Without knowing this, we will just be stuck in our life’s circle. We go on and on without realizing that we are actually still remaining on the same spot. And that’s actually why many people fail. They have no clue where they are and where they want to go next and they just get frustrated and blame the world that thing does not work the way they expect it to be. Therefore, knowing this, I want you to get ready with a piece of paper and a pen. It’s better if you can sit down in a quiet area without much distraction to help you concentrate. Before we proceed further, let’s agree to be honest with yourself. That’s the first step and the most important one if you want to have your life changed, don’t you think so? So, have a deep thinking about your life as it is now and write down honestly everything that come across to your mind especially those about the significant things in your life at present moment. In addition to the above, write down on another piece of paper, how do you usually spend your day. What’s the most feelings or emotions that dominate your daily life? Do you feel good, i.e. excited, happy, cheerful, relaxed, most of the time? Or, do you feel negative, i.e. lethargic, upset, angry, disappointed, most of the time? Once you got the answer, think of what could be the triggers for you to feel that way then write it down. Lastly, are you happy with life as it is now? Chance’syou are not and that’s why you are reading this book!  So, let’s find out how we can change it! Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 17

18. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com STEP 2 - LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE “Be the director, not the actor, not the actress.” Now, I want you to look at those papers where you have written all the exercises mentioned on the previous page. When you see your life on a piece of paper, I want you to bring yourself out of the story. What I mean is, think of it as if you are reading someone else’s story or you can think as if you are reading a movie script. I want you to put yourself as the third person. Why? Let’s put it this way. Have you ever come across a friend came to you and shared with you their problem and what you did is just listening and with ease you can give them your opinion that makes them feel better or even a solution? Whereas the same problem may happen to you and yet you stuck and just seems that you could not get out of the problem. Why is that so? It’s because when your friend tells you their story, you are not inside the picture. You are outside the picture. You are not stirring your own emotion. At that moment, you are the director of the movie play. Whereas, when you yourself encounter the same problem, you are in the story. Your emotions play a huge part and as human being, emotions always win over the brain. In this case, you are becoming the actor/ the actress. With that explained, let’s look at the paper you have written from the director’s point of view. Can you see clearer where your life as it is now? Please remember that when you look at your own “story”, look at it when you are calmed and your mind is clear. For you whose life seems beautiful, great! However, life is not all the time rainbows and sunshine. When life beats you down and your paper seems like full of trouble, persevere! And please keep on reading. Now, the first step to break yourself free is to accept the situations you are in now. The most common mistake why people falls into depression and they cannot seem to get out of their failures is that they choose to go into denial state. They choose not to think about the problems they have. They run away from the problem and refuse to face it. Here’s the thing. When you are accepting your situation, only then will you be Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 18

19. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com able to get out break free and move forward to achieve your dreams. When you accept your situations, you will then be able to find the solutions. You can then ask yourself a question which I call acceptance statement. It goes like this, “OK, I am <your problem>. I know it. Now, how can I get out from this?” For example, you are broke and you have a lot of debts in your credit card. By accepting the situation, you will want to put it to a stop and find your way to break free. “OK, I am broke and I have a lot of debts. I know it. Now, how can I get out from this?” When you said the acceptance statement, just state what problem you have. Period. Don’t take the effort to explain why you have that problem. It’s just your brain wanting to put yourself into a pity mode in hope that will make you feel better. When you want to help yourself, self-pity is the worst thing you can do. It will just drag you deeper into depression. Give it a go. See if I put the statement like this, “OK, I am broke and I have a lot of debts. I know it but it is because I don’t have money and there are a lot of important things I need to settle and … and…” When you said it this way, do you think it will help you? I guess you will know what the answer is. Whatever problem you have written on the paper, I want to share with you this: No matter where you are right now, whether you think you are at your lowest point or you are at the most difficult time of your life, remember this: what you think is not the reality. Why is that so? It’s all about perspective and your model of the world. Because what you think is true, may not be true to someone else. To you, your life may be sucks, that’s what you see from your perspective. But to someone else, your life may be wonderful and it could be the life that they dream of. So how could it be the reality if every individual share different value about something. Things that seems impossible to you, may be feasible to someone else. Thus, whatever you believe and you deem is right, it is right and is right for you only. Here is the good thing. We can alter whatever you think or believe! It’s the matter of whether what you think is useful and good for you or not. If it’s goodfor you, keep believing and thinking that way. If it’s not useful or it’s turning your life for the worse if you keep believing that way, change it! Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 19

20. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com STEP 3 - KNOW HOW YOUR MIND WORKS Everything that we do revolve around how we think. In fact, this is where NLP focuses on. The mind and the thoughts. Every single person talk to themselves in a form of thought. For example, when you first wake up, you may first ask or think to yourself this, “What time is it now?”, or “How long more can I sleep?” When you are hungry, you may talk to yourself, “What should I eat? Where should I eat? Should I eat pasta or burger?” All these are the thoughts you have in your mind. On average, we talk to ourselves about 60,000 times a day. Unfortunately, most of these thoughts are negative or in a way, it’s disempowering us. It makes us feel small or incompetent and with our own thoughts, we even doubt ourselves. Therefore, to overcome the adversity and move towards the new you, it is very important to know how our mind works so that we can think of a strategy to work around it. Since early age of civilization, our minds evolved with one priority that is to protect and put us into safety. That seems like a good thing, doesn’t it? Not as what you think, though. With this mission on hand, when faced with a difficult choice, our mind will tend to allow caution to creep in. Have you ever had fear creeping in when you’re making an important decision? Let say you’re thinking whether or not you should quit your job and open your own business. I bet you will. Suddenly there are too many ‘What IFs’ running on your mind and after pondering for a moment, you decide, “OK, I think this may not be the right time…” The thing is there is never a right time because our mind will always be in its survival mode and do its duty to “protect” us. Not only that, our mind also has problem to put up with delay of gratification. It tends to priorities short term ease over long term values. We tend to choose quick result that gives instant pleasure over something that will happened much later even though we know that the long-term values are much more beneficial. Many people choose to smoke for an instant or they choose to sleep over exercising or eating that desserts and chocolates. All these are forms of pleasure that you can enjoy immediately. Human mind works in two directions. It is either to move away from the bad stuff (pain, fear, etc) or to move towards the good stuff (pleasure, something you value, your Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 20

21. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com goals). Most people say they want to move towards their goals and values. I’m sure we all are. However, along the journey, you will face obstacles. Things may seem uncertain, blurry, tough and difficult at that moment. The short-term result of moving towards our value is usually negative thoughts and uncomfortable emotions. So, guess what happens to many of us when we encounter all these negative stuffs? We move away from the bad stuff! WHY? Because that’s what our mind does - to protect us! The mind starts to think, “Eek, this is not right! I should escape!” But, do you realize the impact of doing this? We may get away from the discomforts, for now. However, we also avoid the things that make life worthwhile. By focusing on the avoidance of all these struggles and discomforts over the things we really value, we lose control over our lives! Some might have already known about this concept but the question is, are they aware when this happens to them? Most likely not. Because most people run their life in auto-pilot mode. They just let whatever happen to let in their way instead of controlling and taking charge of their own life. Our minds like making sense of things. They love certainty and familiar patterns. This makes us to always think the same way, do the same thing and it gives us the impression that we can only do what we’ve always done. Our minds are too kind! It evolved to keep us save, not to find fulfilment or meaning. Yet, we are either unaware or we just forget about this. Instead, we tend to automatically believe what our minds tell us. We trust our minds will fix the problems we have, but when it doesn’t (just because the mind needs to ensure our safety), we start to think that there’s something wrong in us and we start to find all the faults within us and that’s when we start to fall into depression or disempowering state. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 21

22. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com STEP 4 - CHANGE YOUR MIND TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE "Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, and your values become your destiny." - Mahatma Gandhi - Case Study Earlier I mentioned that what you think is not the reality because when life throws the same experience to two different persons, each individual may think totally different towards the “reality” that they are facing. I also shared about how our mind works. So, let’s go through the following fictional story: John (fictional) was a man in his thirties. He was born in an orphanage and he was adopted and grew up in an abusive family. His adopted father turned into an alcoholic when he was at 16 years old. His adopted mother left after 2 years of receiving abuses from the husband. He eventually ran away from his adopted father. It seems that finally life had turned out for the better. In order to survive, John had to work odd jobs. He worked 3-5 jobs a day and barely had few hours to sleep. John growing up with full of angers thinking that life is unfair. Every day, he would say these questions, “Why does this always happen to me?”, “God is unfair!”, “If only mom never abandon me.”, “If only I did not have to work these odd jobs!”, and there were many more “If only” scenario coming from his mouth. Meanwhile somewhere not far, there is this man named Ben (fictional) who is in his thirties. He was too born in an orphanage and he was adopted and just like John, he grew up in an abusive family. His adopted father turned into an alcoholic when he was teenager. His adopted mother left after receiving years of abuses from the husband. He eventually ran away from his adopted father. It seems that finally life had turned out for the better. In order to survive, Ben had to work odd jobs. He worked 3-5 jobs a day and barely had few hours to sleep. But, Ben never gave up. He persevered! He thought that this is an opportunity for him thinking that finally he has his freedom and Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 22

23. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com peace back. So, he worked his ass off until one day his boss noticed him and was impressed by how hardworking he is. The boss eventually promoted him as manager in a new branch. Things got the better for Ben from there and then on. Based on the story above, which one do you think your life is more similar to? Let’s be honest to yourself. I admitted that I used to be like John. Let me tell you that I was a strong, independent woman and I still am. I persevere and keep going. But still, now that I look back, I realized that when life gives me some punches, I used to think like what John thinks. Life is hard, why does this happen to me, why do I need to work so hard, why some people seem to live without problems, etc. Fortunately, the strong side of me always reminding me not to quit and be defeated. So, what makes these two persons, John and Ben, think and act totally different? Do you think that Ben is born to be more superior than John? Let’s look at a much bigger scope. Those successful peoples in this world, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Steve Jobs, and many others. Are they born outright to be more powerful and successful then the ordinary people? Do they have more time in a day than many of us? The answer is of course NO! Every one of us is born with the same capacity. We have the same neurology in their body. We all have 24 hours in a day. Surely some are more talented than others but this is not the key to success. So, what makes them different? As what Mahatma Gandhi said your values become your destiny. These successful peoples hold a different set of values towards their life than the ordinary people. The values we have were derived from our habits and if we track it down, it all boils down to the belief we have. As what Mahatma Gandhi had said, the flow goes like this: Beliefs   Thoughts   Words   Actions   Habits   Values   Destiny The next question then is… What makes a belief? Your past experiences and the upbringing, in one way or another, will form your beliefs especially when the same things keep happening over and over again. It could be Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 23

24. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com what happened during your childhood and it’s so intense that it unconsciously left a huge impression on you and subsequently it becomes your belief. In short, all beliefs that we have were formed based on the feedbacks or opinions that we received before and usually it is those we received during our childhood since children learn and absorb things very fast like a sponge. It is also affected by the environment we were in, the peoples we are surrounded with. It could be our family, our parent, the schools, the teachers, your friends, your boss at work, etc. Though it may be impossible to determine all of your childhood influences, you can give yourself a general idea of past events and personalities that shaped your current beliefs and take steps to change them. The following brief exercise will help you get started thinking about your triggers and habits. Exercise: Connect-the-influences 1. Starting with your parents, list the names of every person you can recall that you associated with during childhood in a single column down the left-hand side of a sheet of paper. If you don’t know the name of a person, use a brief description such as “the lady at the end of the street with the loud little dog.” Include family, friends, teachers, caregivers, neighbors, and anyone else you remember. If you run out of room, tape another piece of paper to the bottom of the first one and keep going down the left- hand side. 2. On the right-hand side of the paper, list all the habits and traits you possess, both good and bad. If you’re feeling brave, ask a friend to help you come up with some of the traits you possess that you might not be aware of. You don’t even have to show anyone your list; you can call them up and tell them you’re getting a head start on your New Year’s resolutions. 3. Now comes the fun part. Match each habit or trait with one of the people from the left-hand column, and draw a line to connect them. You may find that some people have several connecting lines, while others have none. Pay close attention to the Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 24

25. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com people who seem to have appeared on your list for no particular reason. If you remember them clearly, they probably influenced your life in some small way. This exercise is not meant to lay blame on the people in your past for ruining your life. Rather, it is to illustrate that many of your flaws and negative qualities are a result of things you learned as an impressionable child, and therefore can be let go of without guilt. Children see things through a different lens than adults do, and what we learn at an early age can often end up coloring everything we do as grownups. Fortunately, we can learn to let go of those negative tendencies once we view them with the wisdom and rationality we have developed along the way. Beyond childhood, you may have experienced setbacks or letdowns for which you clearly recall the reasoning. Often, we are so opposed to change that the slightest sign a new way of doing things isn’t working out becomes the signal to stop doing at all. We are creatures of habit, and breaking the mold we’ve created for ourselves is a challenge few feel they have the time or the energy to face. Fortunately, we can chip away at that mold until the cracks become wide enough to break free. According to most psychologists, it takes 21 days to break a habit. The actions and reactions you develop in response to letdowns are nothing more than habits that you can rid yourself of with practice. The Lens That You Put On These beliefs we had then become the lens that you always put on for the rest of your life until one day, this belief is changed if it ever happens. This lens is what you used to perceive what life is and usually will affect how you make every decision and how you act when you are faced with some challenges. Every person will wear different lens. If let say I wear a blue-color lens, everything I see will be in blue color. Similarly, if you wear a red-color lens, everything you see will be in red color. I will grow up think that all things in this world are blue whereas you will think that this world are all red. That’s how people have differences in opinions. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 25

26. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com Let’s see the two pictures below. The lady in the first picture has the following belief filters: money is the root of all evil; There’s always something risky behind every opportunity; and people always have bad/ selfish intention when they approach me. Whereas the lady in the second picture Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 26

27. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com has the following belief filters: money is a mean for happiness; Opportunities will always come to me if I keep looking for it; People will always help each other and to have the ability to give is a blessing. Now, when these two ladies meet new people in a business party and there is this one man offering a new business idea and he is looking for someone as a partner. What do you think the response from these two ladies will be? I think we all can guess it pretty easily. The first lady having had learnt from the past experiences - it could be that she always lost money and she always got cheated, forming up all these negative beliefs, most likely will reject the offer and move away from the man in an instant thinking that she will be cheated again. Whereas the second lady will no doubt accepting the offer thinking that it’s a great opportunity and she should not waste it. So, who’s right who’s wrong? It usually depends on what the majority thinks. And actually, that’s how people got into an argument, don’t you think so? Most of the time, they are so convinced that what they believe is right that the moment people disagree, it will hurt their ego and they become angry. Next time when you get into an argument, remember this, what you think or believe is right but it is right for you and only you. When you remember this, chance is you will be able to cool down. Often time, we argue because of our ego. We don’t like to be losing. Just know that you have to be selective with your battles because sometimes peace is better than being right. So, can we change our beliefs then? Of course, you can! We can change our beliefs by installing the new belief to replace the old non-useful belief you had all along. See the keyword here. You want to change a belief only if it is not useful for you and limiting you in some ways. Another way to have a more fulfilling life is to have a positive mindset. By having a positive mindset, you will see life from a totally different view and you will be grateful for everything you have. Creating a positive mindset takes training. In much the same manner as runners train their bodies to endure long periods of sustained activity, you can train your mind to sustain positive thought, and naturally defer to pleasant or optimistic paths. At first, thinking positively may feel awkward or ridiculous. Keep in Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 27

28. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com mind, though, that it does get easier the more you do it, and eventually, sustaining a positive mindset will be as natural as breathing. Like any training program, there are steps you can follow to achieve your optimal results: in this case, a positive mental outlook. It takes 21 days to form a new habit Therefore, you should perform each of the steps for at least 21 consecutive days. You can take on one step at a time, or implement the whole program; just be sure you aren’t leaving anything out. Warm-up: Shake Out Negative Minds When you think about it, it’s obvious: negative is the opposite of positive, so in order to instill a positive mindset you need to be aware when you are having negative thoughts. Sounds simple enough, right? The process is an easy one, but it takes practice to make it stick. This is important because only when you are aware of those negative thoughts, then you can turn it into something positive. Work Those Mouth Muscles If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a smile is worth a million. The power of a smile is incredible. Even if you don’t feel like smiling, the simple act of lifting the corners of your mouth can help you lift your entire spirit and find something worth smiling about. Some of the greatest self-help advice out there comes from those who advocate “fake it until you make it.” This is especially true when it comes to positive thinking, and faking a smile goes a long way toward producing the genuine thing. You may end up laughing at yourself merely because you know you have nothing to smile about. Another great thing about smiles- they’re highly contagious. Most people can’t help smiling back when someone casts a happy expression their way. This is a simple and exciting theory that you can test out for yourself. Go to any public place and start smiling at random people, then keep track of how many smile back (even suspicious smirking counts!). You’ll likely find that 9 out of 10 of your targets return your joyful Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 28

29. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com expression to some small degree, and you’ve probably just made their day a little brighter, too. Learning to smile on demand is an important step in developing a permanently positive mindset. One good technique for summoning smiles is to choose a happy memory that always fill you with good feelings. Always remember those happy memories and be ready to replay it in your mind whenever you feel a case of the blues coming on. It may not solve your problems, but it will at least make you smile- which in turn helps you relax and take an objective look at your situation. Smiling often creates a mental cue for the foundation of positive thinking and helps prime the pumps of happiness. You should also spend a little time in front of the mirror observing your own expressions. At first this practice may seem uncomfortable or downright silly, but smiling at your own reflection has a positive effect on your psyche. You can even practice different smile variations: the amused smirk; the close-lipped leg-pulling smile; the toothy grin; the laugh-out-loud open-mouthed smile. Think of it as an Olympic event. it’s your personal Smile Marathon,and you’ll win the gold every time! Do Some Reps When developing a positive mindset, the importance of repetition cannot be understated. Exercise is the key to building any muscle, so by viewing your optimistic outlook as a muscle, you can develop a reserve of happiness that will carry you through the most grueling events. This is not to say you shouldn’t worry about anything. Ignoring troubling events won’t make them go away. It’s important to face your problems while looking at them through a positive lens. The positive mindset itself doesn’t erase your troubles. It is simply a tool to allow you to find a solution without burning yourself out through stress and anxiety. You will find it far easier to solve problems when you can step back and look at the situation in a positive light; and often the solution will present itself with little effort, simply because your mind is clear and open enough to notice it. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 29

30. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com The more you practice positive thinking, the more naturally it will come to you. You will find that frustrating everyday occurrences dwindle to minor nuisances, and eventually cease to trouble you altogether. Keep practicing positive thought processes, and you will be well on your way to a low-stress, high-energy lifestyle that will allow you to accomplish anything you desire. An incredible achievement – practiced and visualized a million times. Cool-Down: Feel the Burn As you come to the end of your daily positive thinking workout, look back and reflect on your progress. Was there anything that seemed easier to you? Were you able to find a faster solution to a problem that would have ordinarily eaten up a lot of time in worrying? Do you feel more relaxed and ready to do it again tomorrow? Remember to congratulate yourself on your victories. Rewarding yourself is an important step that totally cannot be skipped to prevent burnout. And by reinforcing your accomplishments, you help to form the foundation of your new positive mindset Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 30

31. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com and lay the groundwork for your success. Every positive thought brings you one step closer to your ultimate goal. You will soon realize that you can do this, and you will have much greater enthusiasm as you proceed. Meanwhile, keep pumping that positive thinking iron! Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 31

32. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com STEP 5 - TAKE RESPONSIBILITY “Take 100% responsibility!” How often it is when we encounter a problem, what comes out right in our mind are the many reasons why it happened. And I am pretty sure that most of those reasons are all caused by external factors. Let’s look at the following examples: “I lost my job! Argh! It’s all because of all the immigrants and the foreign talents that come to this country! The government never supports their own people and never do anything for us! We are entering financial crisis. My boss never favor me! My colleagues always throw all the shits to me, I have no time to finish my own works! ...” “I have so much debt because I’m being paid so low. The inflation cannot cope up with what I earn! The job is sucks. All those business owners just keep increasing price! …” Do the above stories sound very familiar to you? Do you know someone like this? Or perhaps, could it be you? Those reasons are none other than just pure excuses. Many of us does not realize the danger of giving excuse. When we give excuse, it shows that we are in control of those factors that you blame on. While it may be a fact that those events such as financial crisis are there. But, one thing for sure is that you can choose how to respond. Back to John and Ben’s story. What differs Ben from John apart from the beliefs system each of them have is the attitude. John has the play-victim attitude whereas Ben has the never-give-up attitude. Ben took hundred per cent responsibility of his life! You will notice that John look so powerless in this story while Ben has the power to take charge 100% of his life. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 32

33. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com I was knocked down not only once but many times. There were times where I was left with nothing in my wallet and bank account. There were times that I had to skip lunch and dinner because money was tight. There were times that I fell into depression and that suicidal thought came across my mind. But, hey! Guess what? I always got back up! As what Jacky Chan said in Karate Kid, “Life will knock us down, but we can choose whether or not to get back up.” That’s right, every one of us has the power to choose. In fact, if you notice our lives are actually a set of decisions that we had chosen along the way. During my weight- losing journey, I chose to wake up early and exercise over sleeping. I chose to eat healthy over those sweet desserts, cakes, and soda. And I also stopped consuming sugar during those period. How I managed to build up my real-estate business was because of all the decisions I made along the way. The choice to sleep only 2-3 hours when I first started out, the choice to stand for about five hours or more to give out flyers in a very hot day, the choice to keep strong whenever I receive rejections, etc. When something happens to you, what matter most is how you react. Are you going to blame, give excuses, get upset, becoming angry? Or, are you going to persevere, think of what happened to you from a better perspective? Could it be a blessing in disguise? What can you learn from this lesson? When there is an exact same event happen to different people, you will notice that how they react to that event will give them a different outcome. Take example from John and Ben’s story you see that both of them are receiving the same event, but the end results are totally different and it is because of the reactions they gave in respond to the event. Hence, the formula goes like this: Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 33

34. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com It is very easy to find yourself complaining about almost anything and everything happening in your life. You might not realize it, but whatever you say has a major impact on your life. If the way you respond to every unwanted event is to react negatively and to complain, pretty soon it will become a habit. And guess what? When it becomes habit, unconsciously, it can sabotage your life. In fact, when you are complaining or giving excuses, it’s just like you’re pointing your finger and when you do that, remember that there are three fingers pointing back at you. There is one fact that many people are unaware or choose to ignore it. It is a conspiracy theory which becomes the biggest threat to your life transformation. Along the road, you will find only one: yourself. Human beings have a tendency to create conspiracies against themselves and impose the self-limiting beliefs that surround them on every aspect of their lives, whether these restrictive ideals result from environment, upbringing, or a combination of influential factors. You may not even recognize your own self-defeating actions. However, the power to change your life rests solely within yourself- and you are the only one that can stand in your way. You’re the master of your soul and the captain of your life. Therefore, you Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 34

35. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com must learn how to step aside and allow yourself to develop to your full potential. Remember there is a saying that there are no limits to what you can accomplish, except the limits you set to yourself in your own mind. Following are some of the most common patterns of self-limiting behavior, along with steps you can take to get out of your own way and blaze your personal path to happiness and success. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 35

36. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com There’s Always Tomorrow: Eradicate Procrastination Procrastination is the easiest thing in the world to perfect- and one of the hardest habits to break. There will always be a good reason to put off whatever you want to accomplish, whether it’s quitting your job and setting up your own business or finally taking that European vacation you’ve been planning for years. When you realize that you’re putting something off, one of the best things you can do is to ask yourself why you don’t want to do it and is it something that you truly desire? If it is, it could be you procrastinate because it is not of the highest priority. Or it could be the fears that are coming in your way; you are afraid you won’t be able to handle it; the project is difficult or time-consuming; it is going to be an unpleasant experience; you dread the possible consequences of seeing the task through to completion. Once you know what is stopping you from moving ahead, you can determine your strategy for accomplishing your goal and get un-stuck. How do you crush procrastination in its tracks? The remedies for moving past procrastination include:  Just do it. Whatever task you’re facing, simply pick a point and get started. Often things are not as bad as they seem, and once you start doing something it’s easier to build up momentum that will carry you through to the end. Tell yourself that when you finish the unpleasant task, you won’t have it hanging over your head and you can move on to better things.  Break it up. Take a few minutes to break up larger tasks into small, manageable goals. Meeting a series of small goals is more motivating and encouraging than tackling a huge project all at once.  Cut through the fluff. Prepare yourself to work through distractions when you’re taking on a task. If possible, ignore the phone- and definitely resist the temptation to play games or check your Facebook and e-mail a dozen times. Make sure your mind is made up to do whatever it is you’re doing and nothing else until it’s finished. You will feel better knowing it’s done, and you’ll waste less time on sideline projects. For me, when I’m working, I will logout from my Facebook to avoid any distraction. This is to ensure that I really focus and concentrate on my work. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 36

37. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com  Stick to the program.Ensure you have enough time to finish the task you’re starting. If you know you’re going to be interrupted or run out of time before you’re through, choose one part of the task to complete instead of rushing through the whole thing. Rushing to meet a deadline you know you can’t make causes more stress, and can actually make things happen slower because you’re worried that you won’t be able to accomplish what you’ve set out to do. Give yourself a break, and your stress level will thank you.  Expect the unexpected. Despite our best positive thinking efforts, things do occasionally take a turn for the unexpected. Delays are a given in many situations. When you’re planning a task or goal, it is important to factor in time in case things go wrong. Delays are a major facilitator of procrastination: it’s easy to convince yourself to put things off when you already have to wait. Make sure you have a backup plan in place so you can avoid putting things off and still meet your completion goals comfortably. Practice the Habit of Saying No: How Not to Take on Too Much People are always going to ask you to do things for them. That’s life. Often, we are asked to make commitments we don’t feel comfortable with, don’t have time for - but saying “no” makes us feel even worse than agreeing to something we don’t like. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 37

38. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com You should make it a habit to say “no” more often, particularly when you know that agreeing to take on a certain commitment is going to wreak havoc with your life, even though the little voice in your head is telling you accepting would be the “nice” thing to do. When it comes to your sanity, the nicest thing is to make sure you don’t over- extend yourself and end up performing a large number of tasks with substandard results. The first step in learning to say no is deciding which things you should agree to commit to, and which things are all right to pass on. This decision should stem from your personal priorities; the things that are important to you and your life. This is one reason why it’s important to define your goals clearly - which we will cover later. Weigh each request against your goals and decide whether agreeing to them would move you closer or further away from your objectives. When you come to a point where you must refuse a request, be as honest as possible when saying no, and you will be able to proceed with a guilt-free conscience. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 38

39. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com STEP 6 - BE AWARE The first step in clearing negativity from your mind is to really pay attention to your thoughts. Whenever the words can’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t, won’t, not, or never enter your mind, concentrate on what you’re thinking and reframe it into something useful or positive. Being aware of your thoughts may sound easy but again, it takes practice to do it. Most of the time, you are just letting your thoughts running on auto-pilot. Just like when you are eating. Do you really think of each step when you eat? First, I will take a spoon and a fork and then I will take a spoonful of rice and then direct it into my mouth… No! You don’t do that. Well, maybe you are when you were a toddler and you just started learning how to eat by yourself. But as you become more and more affluent, you just let your mind go into auto-pilot mode and it will do the rest for you. This is just example for very basic thing. What about the rest of your thought then? Even those negative thoughts that is toxic for you. Do you notice it? You may say, of course I do. I know whatever it is in my mind. The truth is you may not, until you really focus and make it a habit. Let me share with you my experience. When I attended the NLP course, the mentor ban the use of word “TRY” during the entire course. Because when you “try”, that shows you don’t give your 100% for whatever it is you are doing because you just “try”. The mentality of “try” is this: let’s see if I can do it and if I fail it’s OK because I’m just “trying”. So, when you only “try” chance’s you will most likely fail. Like Master Yoda said, “Do or do not, there is no “try”. Back to my story, for every “TRY” that the participants said out, we will be penalized. At first, I thought, well that’s not tough. Turned out I was wrong. In my team, I was the one who said out the most “TRY” and so I was the one who paid the most. And what’s worse than paying is when I said the word I didn’t even notice it. There’s one occasion when suddenly one of my course mate hit me hard on the shoulder and stare at me and I was like “What?!?” then I asked her, “Sorry, did I do something wrong?” and she said, “you said the word you- know-what”. My mind went blank for a moment and only when I understood what she meant then I said, “Hell No! I didn’t!”But everyone who was there heard me saying it. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 39

40. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com Now, every time I remember this story it never fails to make me laugh but at that moment, I was so terrified because I finally realized how I actually put my mind into auto-pilot mode most of the time that I didn’t even realizing what comes out from my mouth. In my team, I was also the worst to catch the other participants saying the word. It’s pretty obvious why. Because I couldn’t even notice myself saying it so how can I notice other people saying it. After a period of serious practices – and I really meant it, I have now removed the word “try” from my brain-dictionary. Even if I really have to use it, I use it very consciously. And believe it or not, now every time I read books or watch movies, I can catch every “try” if there is any in the content. You should give it a shot too! Now you may be wondering how can you start to be aware or how to improve your awareness of what is going on in your mind. There are several ways to bring out the awareness which I will cover here. Put a Stake I mentioned earlier that for me to finally be able to be fully aware of the word “try” I went for a serious practice. During that period, I was putting a stake by announcing to everyone close to me whom I spent most of the time with that I would be paying them $20 for every “try” they can catch. And it’s no joking. I even agreed to pay my husband $50 every time he catches me saying the word. I did really pay them if they can catch me saying it. Here is one of the proof. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 40

41. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com Transfer receipt of $20 to my friend for saying the prohibited word. By putting a stake, it makes your practice more fun and your friends will be more serious and do whatever it takes to catch you too. And as you go along, you will notice you will be more sensitive to what comes to your mind. For this method to be effective, the stake that you risk must be painful enough for you. So, just beware! For Your Eyes Only: Journaling to Release Keeping a journal or diary is one of humankind’s oldest traditions. The thoughts, feelings and emotions of generations have been preserved through countless pages inscribed with words that are often kept private throughout the life of the writer, and revealed only in the interests of adding to historical record. The act itself of writing down past occurrences allows you to face it more fully and release the feelings associated with the event. If you enjoy journaling, you may wish to continue keeping a written record of your thoughts and feelings. Many successful people keep daily or weekly journals their entire lives. Journaling is an excellent form of self-communication that can benefit you in your life. Sometimes during the writing of your experiences in the journal itself, you may notice something that you didn’t realize before or suddenly you may found some enlightenment or revelations. Other times, when you reread your journal, you may be Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 41

42. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com able to get something new. It can be a form of encouragement at times when you feel down too. There are many different formats your journal can take. Following are some of the most common, but feel free to come up with your own journaling style to suit your specific needs:  Freeform thought. Freeform writing is a technique used by many authors and aspiring authors to jumpstart creativity. Keeping a freeform journal is a good way to uncover thoughts you may be hiding even from yourself, and for beginners it’s an excellent starting point. The instructions for writing freeform are simple: just sit down with your journal and writing implement of choice, and start writing. Don’t worry about spelling, grammar, or even coherence. Simply write down whatever comes to mind. Do this for at least five minutes to give your mental engines time to warm up. If you don’t feel like stopping after five minutes, just keep writing. Daily freeform writing is also one of the most therapeutic practices available.  Memory release. This technique is most beneficial for short-term journaling. People do short-term journaling when they feel disempower, depress, upset, angry and they use it to release the negative feelings as writing is actually some therapeutic form as well. When they do short-term journaling, they do it in a separate book or in a piece of paper so that they can throw it after that to release the feelings. Memory release journaling is exactly what it sounds like: you merely write down your memories of traumatic experiences and any feelings associated with them, and then release those negative feelings. Imagine that they are now on paper, and therefore no longer in your heart or mind. For this reason, it is more effective to destroy the journal when you are finished with it.  Pictorial journals. You may feel words are inadequate to convey your emotions. If this is the case, you might consider drawing a journal instead. Just as you don’t have to be a good writer to keep a journal, you don’t have to be a good artist to draw one. Use whatever form you feel comfortable with, whether it is stick figures, abstract scribbling, or fully detailed Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 42

43. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com rendering. The only important step in journaling is to get something concrete down on paper, and no one but you will ever have to look at it. Meditation: Connecting Above Pain Meditation is a time-honored relaxation technique that has been used successfully in Eastern cultures for centuries to alleviate stress and focus the mind. This technique has gained popularity as millions of people discover both the physical and mental health benefits of meditation, while realizing that it’s not as difficult as it sounds. In bringing awareness, meditation can help you to focus and as you are focusing it will lead you to be more mindful and automatically as you keep doing the meditation, your awareness will be improved. Meditation is one of the easiest and most inexpensive forms of self-therapy: all you need is yourself and a quiet room. There are several variations of meditation you can perform. You should choose the steps or combination of steps you’re most comfortable with and use them on a regular basis. Now, when you catch yourself thinking of something disempowering, what you should do is actually to reframe it and change the meaning of what you experience to something more useful. For example: Your spouse and children are gone for a few hours, and you have the place to yourself. You’re indulging in one of your favorite activities. In the midst of your enjoyment, you start to feel guilty. You think: “I really shouldn’t be doing this. I could be getting started on the project I promised someone else I’d take care of.” Your enjoyment starts to fade, and you stop what you’re doing, resentful that you have to tackle this boring project when you have so little time to yourself... Does this sound familiar? The moment you start to feel guilty or hear yourself think shouldn’t, stop right there and change direction. In this scenario, you might instead reframe your thought and think I really should be doing this. Taking time for me is important, and when I’m relaxed and satisfied I will be able to do a better job on that Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 43

44. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com project I promised someone else. I’m so glad I got the opportunity to do something I enjoy. Do this every time a negative thought creeps in. The more often you banish negative ideas from your mind, the easier positive thinking will become. You will be more relaxed and receptive to positive solutions. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 44

45. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com STEP 7 - SET MEANINGFUL GOALS Our life in this world is just temporary. And every one of us, without exception, is given equal chance to live this world but once. According to WHO, the average life expectancy at birth of the global population in 2015 was 71.4 years. This figure varies depending on several factors, i.e. the country where you reside, your birth year (It will be lesser for us who’re born much early), technology advancement, etc. For simplicity, l will just take 71 years as the figure. Let’s do some simple math now. For me, I am thirty-two years old at the time I’m writing this book. Let’s assume, I will really live up to the age of 71 years, that means 45% of my life time has gone. Those times that have passed, have passed. Also, there’s really no point to dwell over the past. Whether or not the past was good or bad, as long as you keep dwelling on it, both will give you the same outcome. It prevents you from growing and for some, it will lead them to depression. So, what’s most important is what we could do with the limited time given for us from this moment onwards. The past cannot be altered, the future can. Have you live the life that you desire? Has life been meaningful and fulfilling to you? Have you ever think that with the limited time we have, how are you going to live your life and what are you going to do? If you haven’t, start doing it now. It’s never too late to start. And that’s why we are going to talk about setting a goal. Because life without goals is pretty much meaningless. There won’t be happiness in living life without goals. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 45

46. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com I’m pretty sure that every individual on this earth have set a goal. The question is, what kind of goals have we been setting all these times? Many people know how to set a goal the right way and that’s why I will not share about this to provide you a valuable content to look at goal settings from a different point of view. What I think is equally important if not more important is whether or not we are aware if the goal we set is actually meaningful to us. Or,have we actually been setting a meaningless goal all these times? Many people are actually making this mistake without them realizing it. So how do we know if the goal we set is meaningful or not. It’s by looking at the intention or purpose of having the goal. Why you want to achieve the goal. The key lies in there. Many people set the goal just for the sake of setting a goal. They either follow the majorities, or they just want it because it feels nice to have achieved the goal. Some even worse, they have the goal set by someone else. It could be their family or even their boss. They set goals without a real purpose that can bring true satisfaction when they finally achieve the goal, if they ever achieve it. Science says that only 8% of people who make those resolutions actually reach their end goal. We know many people set a new year’s resolution but how many do you know actually achieved their goal by the end of the term? For those who really achieved their goal, have you asked them what makes them achieved it and compare with those who didn’t achieve it? Most likely if you do ask you will find that the difference lies in their “WHY”. Because the “Why” becomes the fuel that drives them. The “Why” will define how committed you are to achieve your goal. Along the way, there will be times when you may encounter difficulties or you may not achieve your goal. Disappoint, you shall not. For it is just a temporary event. Remember that setback is setup for a comeback. However, when chasing your goal, it is important to be flexible. When life affects your attitude, you must be willing to bend and ready to seek out an alternative path to positivism. Living an inflexible life is akin to standing in the middle of a hurricane. No matter what you choose to hold onto, you will be blown away, and Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 46

47. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com your plans will be changed for you. You must be willing to alter your methods and rules, and allow life to lead you to the places you are intended to go. We must be willing to adapt to our circumstances if we expect to develop as a person. Eminent evolutionist Charles Darwin once said, “It is not the strongest or most intelligent of the species which survive, but those most adaptable to change.” Inflexible structures, no matter how solidly they are built, are more susceptible to breaking. You must learn to bend and give. Flexibility also allows you to discover new opportunities you might otherwise have missed. For example, you might always drive the same route to work. However, what would you do if the morning traffic report indicated congestion on your usual route? You have a choice: you can either follow the same path you always take and sit in traffic for an extended period of time, or you can choose an alternate route. If you choose an alternate route, you might discover a new restaurant you didn’t know was around, or witness a sunrise over a whole new setting. There are steps you can take to increase your flexibility and prepare yourself to be receptive to change. Here are a few tips to maintaining flexibility and being ready to take advantage of new opportunities as they arise:  Give yourself time. If you are scheduling an appointment or planning to travel somewhere, be sure you have more than enough time to make it.  Formulate Plan B. Always have a backup plan ready in case something goes wrong. This way you are not caught unprepared and will have more of an idea what you can do in the absence of your original intentions. It is easier to be flexible when you already have alternatives in mind.  Do something different. If there are certain routines you follow for certain things, you may want to throw in a few alterations. For example, if you ride public transportation to work and always sit in the same section of the train or bus, decide to sit elsewhere for a few trips. You may notice things you hadn’t noticed before, or have the opportunity to meet new people. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 47

48. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com  Be spontaneous. Whenever possible, do something you would not ordinarily have done. Spontaneity is an excellent way to generate flexibility, because even you don’t know what to expect from yourself, and you will be forced to compensate for your lack of planning. Practice improvisation often, and look for creative approaches to typical problems. Different is good, particularly if it allows you to increase your flexibility and capacity for adaption. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 48

49. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com STEP 8 - TAKE ACTION “All good thought and ideas mean nothing without action” - Mahatma Gandhi - A goal without action is truly just a dream wasted. I think this is very obvious. So, get ready to take action now! When taking action, always make sure you do something every day that moves you closer to your goal. Does not matter even if it is just a small task. Even a baby step will still bring you to your goal as long as you do it constantly. Ready for another exercise? Make a list of all the things you’ve attempted before and stopped doing before completing (remember, you haven’t failed at them- you have simply made a temporary pit stop on the path to success). This list might include diets, resolutions, exercise habits, quitting smoking, or even self-help programs like this one. Leave yourself some space after each item. When you get to the end of the list, go back and fill in those habits you have developed as a consequence of waiting to follow through. For example, if you listed “The Atkins Diet,” your habit might be “overindulging on pasta because I didn’t eat any for six months.” Some of your habits may be simple to change; others may require deviation from your intended course. In the pasta example, you might realize you can still eat pasta, just not as often as you have been while making up for the loss. Come up with an alternative for each habit that you can live with, so you don’t short yourself before you get started. You might decide to have pasta twice a week instead of every other night. Now that you have a guide, you can start implementing successful changes one step at a time. Choose one or two habits you’d like to change, and be sure to implement the changes daily for 21 days in a row. It’s helpful to keep a journal or a chart, just like what I’m doing for my exercise activity, to remind yourself what you’re working on and why. With the journal, you can also track your progress and see the improvement you Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 49

50. © 2017 Jenny Sutrisna Tan | http://www.KeyStepsToChangeYourLife.com made. For example, I noticed that when I first started it took me 100 minutes for a 10KM run. Now it took me about 80 minutes for the same distance. The most important part to prevent burnout and to make sure you keep going towards your goal is to treat yourself to a reward after the successful completion of each habit- breaking cycle. Go ahead; you’ve earned it! Sign on the Dotted Line Being committed to achieving your goal is essential to generating a sense of enthusiasm. Whether you want to have gleaming white teeth or flash your pearly whites at crowds of thousands as you accept your Academy Award, you should be completely committed to what you want to accomplish. One way to cement your personal commitment is to outline a step-by-step plan for reaching your goals. You can do this with any task, no matter how great or small it is. On a sheet of paper- or for monumental tasks such as changing careers, at the beginning of a notebook- note your starting point: where you are now. Leave yourself some space, and then jot down where you want to be and how long you plan on taking to get there. Then go back and break down the process of getting from point A to point B in detailed steps. This not only helps you to visualize reaching your goal, it also allows you to cross steps off as you complete them. Your enthusiasm will be sustained as you move further toward your goal. While you’re writing things down, consider creating a contract with yourself to reach your objective. You can even ask a friend or family member to act as a witness, which will further solidify your intentions to follow through. Your contract can be a simple document stating your promise to yourself, or a detailed map of the things you will do to help yourself reach your aims, with deadline dates for additional motivation and bursts of enthusiasm. Keep your contract posted visibly to remind yourself of your intentions. Every time you see it, you will find yourself eager to achieve your goal and fulfill your contract. Go to Resources on page 76 to see how you can fasten your learning process 50