Pornography: The Great Lie Empowering Parents to Protect, Teach, and Support Their Children

1. Pornography:The Great LieEmpowering Parents to Protect, Teach, and Support Their Children Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFTLicensed Marriage & Family TherapistDirector, LifeSTAR of St. George, UT

3. Express, Monday, August 29, 2005, Washington, D.C. Mixed Signals

4. Silence = Approval

5. What is Pornography? • porne: female captive, slave, prostitute, or harlot • graphos: writing or drawing • pornography: writing or drawings of harlots or prostitutes. • Any material that stimulates the senses to illicit a sexual response. • If material is sexually arousing for you, it is safe to treat it as if it is pornography for you, even if it is not pornography by other definitions.

6. Truths

7. Truths • Highly Addictive • Changes the Brain • Destroys Emotional, Physical, & Spiritual Health • Negative Impact on Relationships • Distorts Healthy Sexuality • Promotes Objectification • Decreases Empathy and Sensitivity to Others • Connected to Illegal Activities

8. Highly Addictive • 3/10 second to begin chain reaction in body • 14 neurotransmitters and hormones activated • Become hooked on mood altering state

9. Changes the Brain

10. Impact on the Brain

11. Impact on the Brain • Short attention span • Impulsivity • Procrastination • Disorganization • Poor judgment • Lack of empathy and insight (SPECT scan of 14 year old with ADHD)

12. "Little girl's brains are being altered in the same way that the little boy's brains are being altered….They’re imitating what they see” – Dr. Judith Reisman

13. Destroys Emotional, Physical, & Spiritual Health

14. Negative Impact on Relationships

15. Distorts Healthy Sexuality

16. Distorts Healthy Sexuality

17. Promotes Objectification

18. Decreases Sensitivity and Empathy To Others

19. Connected to Illegal Activities

20. Truths • Highly Addictive • Changes the Brain • Destroys Emotional, Physical, & Spiritual Health • Negative Impact on Relationships • Distorts Healthy Sexuality • Promotes Objectification • Decreases Empathy and Sensitivity to Others • Connected to Illegal Activities

21. “Sex may sell, but showing sexually transmitted diseases, addictions, failing relationships, unwanted pregnancies, less than perfect bodies, sexual abuse, and mental illness tends to have a negative effect on profits.” - Dr. Jill Manning “What’s the Big Deal About Pornography?”

22. Protective Barrier Between Children and the Sex Industry has Dissolved

23. Pornography Has Become the "WallPaper" of our Children's Lives

24. Good News or Bad News? 80% of unwanted Internet pornography exposure is taking place in the home

25. Parents are the Anti-Drug

26. Warning Signs That a Child May Be Viewing Pornography • Unusual curiosity about sexuality for his or her age • Signs of premature sexual activity • Unusual or unexplained credit card charges • Increased pop-ups or inappropriate emails on computer • Erased Internet history • Computer screen changes quickly when you walk into a room • Noticeable changes in behavior (i.e., mood changes, increased secretiveness, increased defensiveness, isolation, etc.) - Internet Safety 101, Enough.org

27. What Should I do When My Child is Exposed to Pornography? • STAY CALM • Do NOT shame them • Recognize children are curious about sex • Find out what it means to them • Emotional first-aid • Keep it above the surface • Affirm their worth and value to you • Reinforce your values

28. Technological Non-Technological

29. Technological • Internet Filters • Parental Controls on Devices • Monitoring Software • Computer Placement • Joining Your Child’s Online World • Rules/Boundaries with Devices • Rules/Boundaries with Online Activities

30. Non-Technological • Open lines of communication with child • Avoid shaming or overreacting • One-on-One time with each child • Family dinner • Teach healthy sexuality (the “Talk” vs. the “Talks”) • Media Literacy (www.medialit.org)

31. Non-Technological….continued • Teach respect for the opposite sex • Teach healthy relationships • Teach healthy emotional regulation (BLAHST) • Healthy physical touch • Ongoing conversations about their world • Ask questions – listen to what they say and what they don’t say

32. Children need to learn….. • To be loving, nurturing adults • To accept mistakes as correctable and not as proof that they are bad. • To know that they are loved and their parents are there for them physically and emotionally. • To depend on their parents for standards and values. • To take risks and not be afraid of making mistakes • To rely on other people • To accept the full range of emotional experiences as desirable and non-threatening. -Harper & Hoopes, “Uncovering Shame”, 1990

33. Back then, in family, neighborhood, [church], and school life….we made room for each other to grow, to make dumb mistakes, to change, and to begin to develop at least some…reflexes. Today, some anxious parents seem to insist on constantly pulling up the daisies to see how the roots are doing. – Neal A. Maxwell

34. Questions / Comments Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT LifeSTAR of St. George, UT www.lifestarstgeorge.com geoff@lovingmarriage.com 435-652-4366