From Then til Now Haley Burns FHS 1500 Suzanne Santos November 23, 2011
Trust versus Mistrust • Felt extremely loved and wanted by both my parents which helped me develop a deep sense of trust. • I was born surrounded by family near by and willing to help.
Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt • My mistrust, sadness, confusion and guilt started very early; the most pivotal moment came when max was 6 months and I was 2, my father left. He divorced my mother and us as well. • Our house had to be sold, meaning moving away from the comfort zone that we’d built.
Initiative vs. Guilt • I understood what the word guilt meant all too early; Max and I had to quickly adjust to a new back and forth schedule shifting from dad and his new wife and mom’s house. • Arguing and being the rope in a rug of war game are unfortunately most of the memories from early childhood.
Industry vs. Inferiority • My dad and now step-mom discovered God and a Presbyterian church shortly after I entered school which forced the development of an ongoing religion battle due to the fact my mother was LDS and that’s what my brother and I had known all our lives.The LDS religion is less than the minority in Indiana which made it easy to turn away from especially as an easily influenced child. • My mother remarried and I although disgruntled at first, welcomed a step-brother as well as new baby brother.
Identity vs. Role Confusion • The “new family” was hard to swallow during the first few years but ended up proving to be much needed. From the ages of about 12 to 18 the time where I was supposed to start making opinions for myself turned into me trying to decipher between which parent to please, what were the most important amenities, who’s religion was the right one etc.. • These were pivotal years for me because while my friends were progressing and answering the question of, Who Am I? I was made to believe I shouldn’t have an opinion and if I did it was brainwashed by the other parent.
Intimacy vs. Isolation • The relationships I have had with my parents has had a huge impact on my relationships; I spent a lot of years trying to answer the question of, Who Am I, what I want from myself and in life, trying to gain my parents approval, convincing myself I am good enough for other people especially in relationships whether it be with friends or significant others. Spending most of my upbringing hurt, full of guilt, not being able to trust and unsure of who I am has put a damper on many of my relationships. • I was in a serious relationship for approximately 7 years and got my heart broken which brought on the feelings of insecurities growing up, at the time detrimental, I have come to know who I can trust and who my friends really are because of my years of relationship struggles.
Generativity vs. Stagnation • I told myself that when I moved to Utah I came for College, but being that a few years have passed I know that although that was my excuse at the time and it has generated nothing but positive feedback, the real reason I transferred my life out west was to finally be able to answer the question of Who Am I and develop as an individual with no one stomping on my opinions. A few years ago I would have told you that my parents divorcing was the single most crucial time in my life, and now with no doubt I would answer moving to Utah was. If having not experienced the things I did growing up I would not have known how to come back from them.