1 Peter 3:7 • Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Dwell With her – Live with her • Be present – (body, soul and mind). • Make her preeminent. • Leave father and mother • Our wife must come first! • No married bachelors.
According To Knowledge – Learn Her • Be Active – effort must be expended. • Show interest in Her. • She is the subject – study her. • We only have one wife to learn so get busy!
Honor Her – Laud Her • Peter Gives Two Reasons: • She is the - Weaker vessel. • And we are - Heirs together of the grace of life. • Our wife is our sister in Christ. • How do you treat other sisters in the Lord? • Let us make sure we don’t treat other sisters better than we treat this sister.
How Do We Honor? • By what we do – do you treat her like someone you honor (Mal 1:6-8). • By what we say – do you talk to her like one you honor (favorite preacher, sports figure, elected official). • By how we do what we do and say what we say. • People can tell how we feel about them, and it is to this that they respond.
One Consequence • That Your Prayers Be Not Hindered – Listen to God • Failure or refusal to treat our wives as God says will adversely affect our relationship with God. • If we won’t listen to God He will not listen to us. If one turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination (Proverbs 28:9).
Give Yourself Wholly To God • Love the Lord with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength (Matt 22:37-40). • Submit yourself to Christ leadership and learn from Him (1 Cor 11:3). • A man who gives his life to God will learn from God how to live his life (Psalm 37:23-24).
Love Yourself • Every kind of love we are to express to others is predicated upon the love we have for ourselves. • Love your neighbor as yourself (Matt 22:39). • Love your wife as yourself (Eph. 5:28-29). • We have great reasons to love ourselves • We share the image of God (Gen 1:26-27). • We have been forgiven of our sins (Eph 1:7). • We have a home awaiting us in heaven (1 John 5:11). • When you don’t feel good about yourself, you will have a very difficult time feeling good about someone else. • You are not defined by your job, or status, or money, or anything else. • God loves you start to feel good about that.
Seek Help • If your marriage needs help get counsel. • You lead in this effort – don’t leave it up to your wife. • Read books on the subject (good godly books) • Get a successful role model. • Listen to your wife – really listen to what she is saying • She is your spouse – • She knows what it is actually like to be married to you.
What Do Women Want? • Leadership (they don’t want the job) • But not to be steamrolled. • Conversation (meaningful) • Security • Safety
Invest In Her • According to Harley “His needs her needs” • Women have five basic needs • Affection • Security • Family Commitment • Conversation • Openness and honesty
Investment Is How We Won Them! • Investing shows her you care. • Investing shows her she is valuable to you. • Investing shows her that you will sacrifice for her. • Investing shows her that you think about her. • Take Your Cue From God • God invested in us – The Cross (John 3:16). • Christ invested in us – The Church (Eph 5:25). • Holy Spirit invested in us – The Scriptures (1 Cor 2:8-13).
Inform, Include, and Consider Her • Headship does not mean dictatorship (1 Cor. 11:3) • Who has led you best in your life? Father, coach, boss, other. • What kind of leadership was it? • There is such a thing as “poor leadership” • Leadership that barks out commands. • The leader who is exempted from following orders. • The leader who does not take responsibility. • The leader who blames other people. • The leader who is not accountable. • The leader who is inconsistent. • The leader who can’t be approached. • All of these men were leaders: Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Eli, King Saul, Rehoboam, Korah, Dathan, Caleb, Joseph, and Daniel.
Reassure and Secure Her • Stability and security are essentials for our wives. • Open yourself up to her – be vulnerable. • Reveal your heart, thoughts, and desires to her. • Share your fears, hopes, dreams and sorrows. • Affirm and reaffirm your commitment to he family. • Affirm and reaffirm that she is the only one for you.
Win Her Everyday • It is wrong for us to mistreat our wives during the day and demands that they serve us with sex at night. • 1 Corinthians 7 is not intended to be abused by men or neglected by women. • Romance her during the day and she will feel a lot better about the night. • Marriages need intimacy not just the physical act. • Intimacy includes but is not limited to: • Calling her during the day, writing notes, telling her you love her, doing things for her, rubbing her feet, back, neck, kisses without a view toward sex, listening to her and talking to her. • Romance her regularly not just on holidays or special occasions.
Don’t Quit - Learn Her • Favorite color; store, TV show, movie, shoe size, dress size, birthday, her hobby, greatest strength, greatest struggle, fear, her wish list item, favorite passage, best friend. What she wants most from you. • Become her friend! • She said yes to marriage based on the way you were treating her when you won her. She anticipated it would continue!