Welcome to the Open Sky Webinar

1. Welcome to the Open Sky Webinar The webinar starts at 6pm, see you soon!

2. Dragons: The Hero’s Journey Through Adolescence and Into Young AdulthoodKirsten Bolt, LMFT

3. Overview • Purpose of Webinar is to highlight our use of the Dragon metaphor… but in the context of several other concepts… • Rites of Passage • Family Life Cycle • Hero’s Journey • Stages of Change • Differentiation • Dragon Cycle at Open Sky • Parents’ Hero’s Journey • The Call…

4. Questions? • Please type in your questions or comments during the presentation using the Dialog box • For any technical questions, please contact: maury@openskywilderness.com

5. Rites of Passage “For the greater share of human history, young people benefited from the precious gift of rites of passage. Formal occasions, if you will, created by their cultures as stepping stones to help them find their way across that delicate, even dangerous bridge from adolescence into adulthood. … … What is missing today are meaningful stepping stones – those experiences that used to help young people anchor their budding sense of identity.” - Gary Ferguson

6. Wilderness Therapy • Deliberate or not, you have offered your child a significant rite of passage in the process of adolescence / young adulthood by enrolling at Open Sky. • Open Sky offers parents a similar rite of passage as well, as you navigate parenting an adolescent / young adult. • We all walk the Hero’s Journey many times throughout our lives…

7. Family Life Cycle (Birth, Childhood, Adolescence, Young Adulthood…) • Young adulthood & Leaving home • Coupling / Marriage • Parenting Young children • Parenting Adolescents • Launching young adults • Empty Nesting Other Stages: • Separation & Divorce • Single-Parenting • Re-marriage/-coupling • Blending of families (End of life)

8. Hero’s Journey • Joseph Campbell as an authority • Several versions of the model exist, some including 17 stages…. • We will highlight only a few here…

9. Books & Movies with Hero’s Journey stories… • Harry Potter • Star Wars • Lord of the Rings • The Matrix • Karate Kid • Hunger Games • Eat, Pray, Love • Babel • TempelGrandin • Steel Magnolias • Wizard of Oz • Batman • Superman • Iron Man • Despicable Me • Little Mermaid • Aladdin • Cast Away • 28 Days • Hope Floats

10. Hero’s Journey Stages… • Ordinary World (where something is amiss) • The Call (external or internal - perhaps Open Sky?) • Refusal of The Call (fear of the unknown) • Meeting Mentors or Guides (who offer advice, training, equipment) • Crossing the Threshold & Belly of the Whale (committing to the journey… lowest point - can’t return) • Tests / Allies / Enemies (assessing new surroundings) • The Ordeal (confront greatest fear and/or death) • The Reward (treasure won by facing death) • Refusal of the Return &The Return (must leave new world to bring treasure home - often hard to do)

11. Stages of Change • Pre-Contemplation • Contemplation • Preparation • Action • Maintenance • Relapse Prochaska& DiClemente

12. Dragons: Terminology… • Dragon … core belief or fear • Cave … where we hide the dragon • Boulders … how we try to hide from, or numb, the dragon • Dragon Cycle … how we get stuck reinforcing the dragon *The dragon cycle looks differently for each of us, but fundamentally is the same

13. Dragon, Cave, Boulders

14. Dragon Cycle DRAGON FEELINGS Shame, Anxiety, Fear BOULDERS

15. How We Use Dragons… • Identify the various parts of dragon cycle - map it and continue mapping • Notice the dragon cycle - guides, therapist, and peers help highlight; students might tally • Start doing things differently: • Sit with uncomfortable emotions - mindfulness practices help balance emotion & logic • Develop and use a mantra that helps you face dragon • Taking space, Coping skills, I-feel statements • “Dragon Ceremony” - ritual punctuates the hero’s journey • Help them see benefit of doing this work (motivational interviewing)

16. Goal in Facing the Dragon • Despite the temptation, the goal is NOT to slay the dragon… • Instead, the goal is to BEFRIEND it! • Sit with the uncomfortable emotions so you can respond more effectively - balancing emotions and rational thought • Bring it into the light; let others see it; and stop hiding/numbing - SOOTHE the dragon! Be vulnerable!

17. Why DO this work? Like any Hero’s Journey, this is going to be HARD and PAINFUL… so why do it?

18. Treasure… • As we each skillfully navigate this Hero’s Journey and befriend our Dragon, we discover… • True self-worth • True connection with others • As parents skillfully navigate the Hero’s Journey of parenting an adolescent / young adult, we discover… • Truly connected, loving relationships with our children

19. Differentiation “To become an adult, every person faces the task of the differentiation of self. Not to differentiate is to fuse (the failure to become a separate person) and is evidenced by the propensity to place responsibility on others (or on situations, predicaments, and hurdles) for the way in which our lives develop. To differentiate is to provide a platform for maximum growth and personal development for everyone in your circle of influence.” -Family Systems http://familytherapy.wordpress.com/2007/06/06/differentiation-of-self/ • “Differentiation of self” is the goal of adolescence: becoming one’s own person while balancing connection with others • True Connection necessitates true Individuation - otherwise we err toward the extremes of enmeshed or cut-off relationships *We have another webinar devoted entirely to this topic.

20. Parents’ Hero’s Journey • Many (most?) of us enter young adulthood with our own dragon cycles not fully resolved, making this life-long work • Having children tends to bring that work to the surface • Then enter our children’s adolescence … and parents have a new hero’s journey with this new stage of the family life cycle … as well as the bigger process of our own differentiation/life-long hero’s journey. • Our goal in this stage of the family life cycle is to help our children differentiate.

21. The Call…? If you are interested in working alongside your child re: the Dragon cycle, here are some ideas… • Journal about, or map, your own Dragon cycle • Ask your child what s/he is learning about his/her Dragon cycle • Write to your child about your own Dragon cycle • Start noticing your Dragon cycle - and ask your family/friends/therapist to help you notice it • Sit with the uncomfortable emotions your dragon elicits • Practice mindfulness skills (yoga, meditation, etc) • Start to respond differently to the dragon • Consider how you might design a dragon ceremony for yourself

22. References • Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (BrenéBrown) • Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall?: A Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager (Anthony E. Wolf) • Parallel Process: Growing Alongside Your Adolescent or Young Adult Child in Treatment (KrissyPozatek) • Shouting at the Sky: Troubled Teens and the Promise of the Wild, 2nd ed. (Gary Ferguson) • The Changing Family Life Cycle: A framework for family therapy, 2nd ed. (Betty Carter & Monica McGoldrick) • The Hero with a Thousand Faces (Joseph Campbell) • The Knight in Rusty Armor (Robert Fisher) • The TranstheoreticalModel: Stages of Change (Prochaska& DiClemente)

23. Thank you! Your participation speaks volumes to the dedication and love you have for yourself and your families.. Contact Information: kirsten@openskywilderness.com Please keep this browser window open; it will take you to a short survey.