Exploring Polyamorous Behaviors Among Non-Poly Identified Individuals

1. Polyamorous Behaviors of Non-Poly Identified Peoples

2. Young Luo Polygynous Family

4. Luo Compound Private Entrance 1st Wife 3rd Wife 2nd Wife Husband 4th Wife Grandmother & Young Children Unmarried Sons Main Entrance

5. Luo Compound -- Main Entrance

6. Luo Compound--Private Entrance

7. Maasai Polygynous Triad

8. Maasai Compound

9. Huli Polygynist

10. Huli Men’s House

11. Huli Co-Wives House

12. Huli Men

13. Enga Women with their Pigs

14. Sweet Potato Garden

15. African-American Triad

16. Multiple Partner Survey March 19 – April 4, 2008 (2 ½ weeks) 716 completed surveys (99.6% completion) 50 Questions

17. Poly Cultural Conventions • Embrace Poly Culture • Jealousy Management • Compersion • NRE Management • Disclosure • Transparency • Consensuality

18. Age Average – 39 Median – 38 Mode – 38 Range 19-74

19. Sex

20. Sexual Orientation

21. Education

22. Current Religious Practice

23. Number of Partners

24. Relationship Patterns

25. Residence Patterns

26. Marital Status

27. Polyamory Affiliation • Books and Publications • Leaders and Spokespeople • Language and Cultural Practices

28. Books and Publications • Love without Limits – 61% • The Ethical Slut – 84% • Loving More Magazine – 57% • None – 12%

29. Leaders and Spokespeople • Deborah (Taj) Anapol – 45% • Oberon Zell – 33% • Robyn Trask –32% • Nan Wise –24% • Sasha and Janet Lessin – 21% • None – 37%

30. Language & Cultural Practices • NRE (New Relationship Energy) – 67% • Compersion – 67% • Transparency – 50% • NVC (Non-violent Com.) –22% • None 17%

31. Definitions of Polyamory • Responsible/ethical/honest non-monogamy • Having sex with more than one man • A deep, emotional, sometimes physical relationship with more than one partner simultaneously • Relationship with multiple people in which everyone knows about each other and is okay about it. • Having multiple concurrent romantic relationships with the full informed, uncoerced consent of all parties.

32. More Poly Definitions • Believing that we can love more than one person at the same time, with or without sexual engagement. • An exploration into conscious relating that doesn't subscribe to the conventional paradigm of lifelong marriage. Rather than revolving around the couple, it revolves around the individual as a whole and evolving person. Based on non-possessive love.

33. Do you experience jealousy when your partner/lover appears interested in someone new? • Females – 54% • Males – 39% • Poly Enculturated – 53% • Single Heterosexuals – 67% • Gay Men – 67% • Bisexual Women – 52%

34. When my partner tells me what a good time they had with one of their lovers, I feel happy for them. • Females – 76% • Males – 84% • Poly Enculturated – 81% • Single Heterosexuals – 63% • Gay Men – 67% • Bisexual Women – 81%

35. Compersion Comments It varies: sometimes I'm genuinely happy for them (both), sometimes I have to force myself to be realistic so as to not feel jealous. Sometimes I'm openly jealous and sometimes I feel indifferent. It depends on whether I've met and liked the other person. My boyfriend tends to chose poorly for himself, so I'm suspicious until I meet this new person. My husband has no other partners.

36. More Compersion Comments • It's complicated. :-) I am happy that my partner had a great time. But that doesn't mean that hearing all of the details is particularly easy. • Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Usually depends on where I am with my own insecurities.

37. I try to limit my activities with other lovers so that they will not replace/displace my primary relationship. • Females – 32% • Males – 34% • Poly Enculturated – 24% • Single Heterosexuals – 34% • Gay Men – 30% • Bisexual Women – 29%

38. As for sharing intimate details about other partners/lovers, I find that “don’t ask, don’t tell” is the best practice. • Females – 14% • Males – 15% • Poly Enculturated – 8.6% • Single Heterosexuals – 40% • Gay Men – 40% • Bisexual Women – 11%

39. When I connect with someone new I find it very difficult to interact romantically with my other partner(s). • Females – 4% • Males – 2% • Poly Enculturated – 4% • Single Heterosexuals – 9% • Gay Men – 10% • Bisexual Women – 3%

40. My dream/current reality is being part of a residential group marriage. • Females – 38% • Males – 49% • Poly Enculturated – 40% • Single Heterosexuals – 16% • Gay Men – 30% • Bisexual Women – 42%

41. Conclusions • Poly – Enculturated and Bisexual Women have similar patterns regarding their views and practices re: jealousy, compersion and disclosure. • Males tend to be less jealous and more compersive than Females • Single Heterosexuals and Gay Men are the most jealous and the least transparent. • Group Marriage is not an ideal/goal for the majority of respondents.

42. Observations • All practitioners seek to keep the good things they have while accessing more love, (sexual) intimacy and attention. • Those who are part of subcultures that embrace transparency and value compersion engage in these beliefs and behaviors as a means to retain all that they value.