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Effective communication is vital for healthy relationships, particularly regarding sexual issues. This guide explores the dynamics of sexual communication, covering the importance of both verbal and nonverbal cues. It addresses cultural and psychological contexts, gender differences in communication styles, and common obstacles to discussing sex openly. By cultivating skills such as self-awareness, trust, and feedback, partners can navigate conflicts constructively, fostering intimacy and mutual understanding. Ultimately, good communication is the foundation for fulfilling sexual relationships.
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8 Communicating About Sex
The Nature of Communication • The ability to communicate is important in developing & maintaining relationships • Communication: a transactional process • Involves conveying symbols, words, gestures, movements • Goal of establishing human contact: exchanging information, and reinforcing or changing attitudes & behaviors
Contexts of Communication • Cultural context • the language, values, beliefs, and customs in which communication takes place • Social context • the roles we play in society • Psychological context • how people communicate based on their personalities
Nonverbal Communication • The ability to correctly interpret nonverbal communication is important in relationships • Most of our “feeling” communication is nonverbal • Three important factors: • Proximity: nearness in physical space • Eye contact: a symbol of interest • Touching: signals intimacy, closeness
Sexual Communication • Our interpersonal sexual scripts provide us with “instructions” on how to behave sexually • In beginning relationships • Halo effect • Interest and opening lines • In some cases: establishing sexual orientation • First move and beyond • Directing sexual activity
Sexual Communication • In established relationships • initiating sexual activity • For heterosexuals: men typically initiate more often • In same-sex relationships: typically the more emotionally expressive partner initiates
Gender Differences in Partner Communication • Women send clearer messages to their partners than men do • Men more than women tend to send negative messages or withdraw • Women tend to set the emotional tone of an argument • Women tend to use more qualifiers in their style of speaking
Developing Communication Skills • Generally, poor communication skills precede relationship problems • First step in better communication: self-awareness • Recognizing tendencies to • Suppress “unacceptable” feelings • Deny our feelings • Displace or project our feelings
Talking About Sex • Obstacles to sexual discussions • Lack of models for talking about sex • Risk of being thought of as sexually obsessive, or bad • May believe that talking about sex threatens relationship • Lack of a comfortable sexual vocabulary
Keys to Good Communication: • Self-disclosure • Creates the environment for mutual understanding • Helps us discover who we are • Must be reciprocal • Trust • A belief in the reliability and integrity of the person • Relationship must be likely to continue • Behavior must be predictable • Each person must have options • Feedback • The ongoing process of restating, checking accuracy, questioning, and clarifying messages
Conflict and Intimacy • Conflict is natural in intimate relationships • A lack of arguing can signal trouble in a relationship • Conflict isn’t dangerous; it’s the manner in which it is handled that can hurt or help relationship
Conflicts about Sex • Fighting about sex • Can result from a disagreement about sex • Can also be used as a “scapegoat” for nonsexual problems • Can be a cover-up for deeper feelings such as inadequacy • It’s hard to tell during a fight if there are deeper causes
Sexuality and Power Conflicts • Destructive tactics used to gain power: • Withholding sex • Forcing sex • Unequal power relationships can be changed • It is not easy once embedded in the structure of the relationship • Talking, attempting to understand, and negotiating are the best approaches
Conflict Resolution • The way couples deal with conflict reflects and contributes to their happiness • Strategies for conflict resolution • Summarizing • Paraphrasing • Validation • Clarification
Negotiating Conflicts • Agreement as a gift • Either partner has right to freely agree with the other without coercion • Bargaining • Making compromises to create the most equitable deal for both partners • Coexistence • Allowing irresolvable differences to be lived with
Key Points • Communication is the basis for good sex and good relationships • Communication and intimacy are reciprocal: • communication creates intimacy • intimacy creates good communication