Guide to revisions

1. Guide to revisions “Revising is rarely a one-step process.” ENG 101 1/24/2014

2. Revision vs. editing • Revision • Re – again • Vision – see/imagine • Global concerns • Focus, purpose, organization, content, argument • Editing • Correcting • Mechanics • Grammar, spelling, word choice, sentence structure, punctuation

3. Responding to comments • Squiggly line = confusing, straight underline = good • Answer questions but go beyond that • Adjusts in response to a question should usually be more than one sentence • Don’t forget to respond to peer feedback

4. Revising your thesis • Ask questions • What is your position? • Is it stated clearly? • Have you explained your criteria for judgment terms (good/bad, effective/ineffective, successful, etc.?) • Are you as specific as possible? • Have you answered every possible “such as?” or “how so?” question? • Reread draft with thesis in mind

5. Summarize less, analyze more • Reread your paragraph(s) and mark sentences that summarize and those that analyze – what is the ratio? • Reflection on the content of the speech • Reread the section of the text you’re discussing • Ask questions • What strategies does the author use and what is their effect on the audience? • How does discussing these devices deepen your understanding of the text? • Do any of the words have strong connotations or symbolism?

6. Too much going on in this paragraph • Points in paragraph do not support topic sentence or paragraph is too long • Reread paragraph • What is the point of analysis in this paragraph? • How many points of analysis are there in this paragraph? • Do you have sentences that might fit better in another existing or new paragraph? • Revisit topic sentence • Does it accurately precisely represent the paragraph?

7. Writing/revising paragraphs • Topic sentence • Introduce topic early and stick to it • Make sure every sentence in a paragraph relates to topic sentence • Link ideas clearly • Repeat key words • What are key words for this paper? • Use sentence-level and paragraph-level transitions • p. 43

8. Connections between paragraphs • Don’t allow paragraphs to exist as separate/independent entities • Organize from simplest to most complex • Your later paragraphs should build on ideas established in earlier paragraphs • Draw connections between rhetorical moves. Repeat key terms from earlier paragraphs. Examples: • Allusion and ethos • Repetition and pathos • Ethos and logos • Word choice and context/audience

9. Proofreading • Don’t forget to proofread your second draft! • Tips • Lasagna method • Backwards • Read aloud • Peer help • Retype

10. The comma “The comma was invented to help readers.”

11. With coordinating conjunctions • Must be before a coordinating conjunction that joins independent clauses • Independent clause – word group that can stand alone as a sentence • Coordinating conjunction – FANBOYS – for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so • Many members of King’s audience experienced the horrors of World War II, so the name “Hitler” produces a strong emotional effect on them. • If the clauses are short and not in danger of confusion you don’t need the comma • The sermon was delivered at Christmastime and it is about peace.

12. Coordinating conjunctions cont’d • Don’t use a comma and coordinating conjunction unless both clauses are independent • A good money manager controls expenses and invests surplus dollars to meet future needs.

13. Coordinating conjunctions cont’d • Only FANBOYS are coordinating conjunctions • Other transition words such as however, therefore, instead, in addition, instead, etc. are NOT coordinating conjunctions • Many members of King’s audience experienced the horrors of World War II, therefore the name “Hitler” produces a strong emotional effect on them. – ERROR • Many members of King’s audience experienced the horrors of World War II; therefore, the name “Hitler” produces a strong emotional effect on them. • Many members of King’s audience experienced the horrors of World War II. Therefore, the name “Hitler” produces a strong emotional effect on them.

14. Practice King uses a lot of ethos, and allusions. King uses a lot of ethos and allusions. King’s text relies on ethos, and this is created in part by multiple allusions.

15. Comma splice error • Two independent clauses joined by only a comma. • King was a minister as well as a political activist, he preached peace through Biblical support. - ERROR • 3 ways to fix: • Make 2 sentences: King was a minister as well as a political activist. He preached peace through Biblical support. • Use a semicolon: King was a minister as well as a political activist; he preached peace through Biblical support. • Insert a coordinating conjunction: King was a minister as well as a political activist, so he preached peace through Biblical support.

16. Practice • King relies on ethos, it is create through multiple allusions. • King relies on ethos, which is the appeal to the speaker’s credibility. • King relies on ethos, but pathos is the strongest appeal in the speech.

17. Introductory phrases/clauses • Use a comma after a phrase that introduces the conditions of the main action of the sentence • On a warm August day in 1963, King delivered the “I Have a Dream” speech. • In spite of his political prominence, King experienced the same persecution as his audience. • In addition to the credibility he establishes through ethos, King furthers his authority through Biblical allusions.

18. Separate items in a list • King uses ethos, pathos, and logos to communicate his message. • King preaches describes the violence in the world, explains America’s dependence on other nations, and preaches peace. • King explains the violence that his people have endured, the suffering in other countries, and the need for peace. • King is a confident, soulful speaker. • vs. King is a confident and soulful speaker.

19. The Oxford Comma • Do you need a comma before “and” when listing items?

20. Restrictive and nonrestrictive elements • Restrictive = necessary to meaning • Do NOT use commas to set off restrictive clauses • The campers needed clothes that are durable. • Nonrestrictive = modifies or describes but is not necessary to the meaning of a sentence • Use comma(s) to set off nonrestrictive clauses • The campers needed new shoes, which can be expensive. • King, an African-American activist, preached peace.

21. Introduce direct quotations • In “A Christmas Sermon on Peace,” King writes, “…” • BUT use a colon if there is a complete sentence that introduces the quotation: • King describes his experience in India: “…”

22. The semicolon and the colon

23. Semicolons • Connect major elements of equal grammatical rank • Between independent clauses with no coordinating conjunction • Between independent clauses with a transitional expression • Also, anyway, besides, indeed, finally, moreover, nevertheless, however, hence, therefore, indeed, etc. • Full list on p. 274

24. Semicolons cont’d • Use semicolon to separate list items that include commas to increase clarity • King is well known for his “I Have a Dream” speech, which was delivered at the March on Washington, “A Christmas Sermon on Peace,” delivered several years later in 1967, and many other political and religious speeches. • King is well known for his “I Have a Dream” speech, which was delivered at the March on Washington; “A Christmas Sermon on Peace,” delivered several years later in 1967; and many other political and religious speeches.

25. Colons • Use a colon after an independent clause to direct attention to a list, a quotation, or a summary or explanation. • Do NOT use a colon in conjunction with introductory terms (“such as,” “like,” “including,” or “for example”) • ERROR: King discusses many issues such as: The Vietnam War, world hunger, and racism. • CORRECT: King discusses many issues: The Vietnam War, world hunger, and racism.