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HISTORY OF PETERS Smith Lounge is a locale still mired in mystery. Discovered by the great Petersian explorer Benedicto Lombardo Jones in 1992, he found it a disagreeable and damp place, though filled with promising stores of electronics. Smith Lounge and the parts beyond are still largely untamed, and rumors persist of hauntings in Smith portal. Construction is currently underway between Smith and Long to host the 2024 Olympics, with the construction of a foosball field already completed.
HISTORY OF PETERS Long portal offered no resistance to colonizing forces from Peters in 1954. It is notable for its cheese mines. Long portal is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong.
HISTORY OF PETERS Mallet and Peters have a long and bloody history of wars, finally ended with the 2006 Strategic Nerf Limitation talks. Intermittent assassination attempts on prominent members of both portals are frequently denounced as “turriszm,” although suspicions persist of an eldritch cabal of wizards in Mallet’s upper floors who seek to reopen the Engels portal and unleash the dark magic within*, causing a terrible cataclysm in the process. * Possibly the inspiration for the film Event Horzion.
HISTORY OF PETERS The Davis moat was the site of a great final battle between the Peters 1st battalion and the remains of the Davis coalition forces in 1977. After a months-long siege, the vending machines ran out of supplies and the retreating Davis forces were driven across the moat. Following this the portal was burned to the ground with long-range artillery. Nothing of value was lost and nothing of interest beyond this point remains.
HISTORY OF PETERS Venable is one of the few portals to have an intact aristocracy, though the recent departure of the Lady Venable (Venababe) for Africa has caused political instability to rise afresh. The Lord Venable has been a great asset in equipping Peters military forces with weapons of finest foam and duct tape and in return Peters has allowed this quaint portal to maintain its independent governance. Separatists in lower Venable threaten the future of this peaceful hamlet.
HISTORY OF PETERS This water fountain was disabled to quell local unrest from Venable portal residents. Despite their obedience, it has not yet been reactivated. Death tolls are in the thousands.
HISTORY OF PETERS Though never a formal “war on drugs,” antagonism between Peters and Gildersleeve has lasted decades. Smuggling operations on land and sea have long been assailed by the Peters armed forces, including a notable altercation where the Peters Imperial Navy destroyed a 200m cargo ship filled with pudding pops and industrial hemp. The resulting dearth of pudding pops led to a mounting of tensions between Tucker and Peters that was diffused with a peace offering of honeyed camel.
HISTORY OF PETERS The buildings on the Gildergreen were actually build on a foundation of volcanic rock, and these caves are the start of a vast network of tunnels leading to molten magma caverns far beneath Brown. Mining has attempted to exploit these from time to time, especially to harvest diamonds,* but to minimal success. Attempts to explore the depths have been frustrated by dire cave squirrels. Those who dare to venture beyond should be of at least 6th level and should probably carry cold-element weapons. *The hardest metal known the man.
HISTORY OF PETERS McGuffey’s notables stood trial in 2007 for malicious edits to the Brown College Wikipedia article and other high crimes and misdemeanors. This proved to be its most notable contribution to the McGarrisleeve triumvirate, and it did little to stop the disillusion of McGarrisleeve. In addition to Wiki-vandalism, McGuffey exports more soy than any other portal and also imported large quantities of vibranium alloy during the war for unspecified projects.
HISTORY OF PETERS This bunker was built underneath the Gildergreen by Harrison and McGuffey during the 1959-1962 portal wars. It was intended to serve as a bunker for notables of both portals in the event of a serious crisis that rendered either uninhabitable, but it was never used. The technology within dates from that era, including a primitive supercomputer, “Deep Brown,” that was undefeated in chess until alumnus-at-large Smokey beat it 5-2 in an uninterrupted 44 hour contest. Smokey then preceded to run a 5K.
HISTORY OF PETERS Harrison, headquarters of the now defunct McGarrisleeve triumvirate, has a violent history. A failed 1962 offensive against the anti-quad led to the destruction of Engels portal and the near-collapse of Harrison’s economy, but communal farming on the Gildergreen and a rigorous propaganda campaign returned the portal to prominence within several decades. Harrison still maintains a large standing army and the demilitarized zone of Tucker lounge remains as an attempt at civil relations between portals.
THE FALL OF MCGARRISLEEVE Despite the demilitarized zone, recent years have seen more tensions between Harrison and the rest of Brown College. At the height of the McGarrisleeve triumvirate the Harrison 3rd Infantry and 6th Armor moved into Tucker lounge, and after talks broke down McGarrisleeve announced a policy of mutually assured destruction of all Brown College should anyone challenge them. Internal breakdowns left Harrison without reinforcements and their military withdrew in early 2007*.*But the threat remains.
HISTORY OF PETERS Peters has invaded Tucker several times in the interest of peace, first in 1922 to quell a land dispute between Engels and Harrison. Tucker was long the home of the annual Peters-Mallet chili cookoff that ended in a 1988 tragedy with two judges and twelve spectators dead when Robert “Red Beans” McGoo inadvertently added plastiques to his cauldron of chili. In addition to chili, Tucker is home to pie-eating, Halofests, and occasional standoffs of epic proportions.
HISTORY OF PETERS Engels portal was the anti-quad’s sister portal to Peters and a long-time ally in the first half of the 20th century. During the portal wars of 1959-1962, the Engels-Peters particle reactor was built by a joint weapons development program. A 1962 raid by Harrison caused the reactor to become unstable and create a time warp*. Engels portal vanished in the resulting fold in space-time. Reports persist it is possible to find Engels on rare occasions when it reappears or if one is extremely drunk.*Wooooaaaaaah!
HISTORY OF PETERS Holmes, the furthest original colony in the Peters protectorate, enjoys scenic views over the Tucker crevasse which give it a formidable defensive position against invasion. Regrettably, Holmes residents also must fight infestations of mutant parasite wallrunning spider-crabs, byproducts of the radiation from the Engels reactor collapse. These beasts grow up to four feet tall and have venomous suckers covering their bodies. They are as deadly as a full grown drop-bear and mostly eat humans.Protip: to defeat the spider-crab, shoot at it until it dies.
HISTORY OF PETERS Rogers and Peters, though divided by the Peters moat, have an alliance dating back almost to the formation of both portals. The great Petersian architect Ronaldus Paulus XVI hewed the Rogers study room from the solid brick foundation of Brown College, and until the early 20th century it was used variously as a wine cellar, brothel, mass grave, colocation center, meth lab, and ball pit. In return, Rogers built a solid gold statue of Chewbacca and stationed it at the Peters end of the moat*. *Much like the Colossus of Rhodes, seismic activity caused its collapse.
HISTORY OF PETERS The Peters moat, created in prehistory, divides Peters from the rest of Brown College. In the 12th century engineering geniuses figured a way to drain the moat and connect Peters to the mainland. The moat remains dry until times of war, when it is flooded and filled with highly trained robot kraken.
PETERS DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY PETERS AREA 42 NO TRESPASSING
HISTORY OF PETERS The Peters Protectorate Mining Corporation began digging on this site in the 1600s, refining their operations continually through the present day. In addition to sizable deposits of radioactive material (used in the Engels reactor), the primary product of these mines is raw Nerf ore. Since the Strategic Nerf Limitation treaty with Mallet, production has dropped significantly and the mines now serve as one of Peters’s best known tourist attractions.
HISTORY OF PETERS Peters, oldest of the portals, has housed many of the most illustrious of Brown residents since the dawn of time. Legend tells us the foundation bricks for Peters were laid by Thomas Jefferson himself, who named the portal after his favorite son, Peters Jefferson. The people of this great portal have been fruitful at all the arts, have had great economic prosperity, and reduce enemies to piles of rubble in war. Peters is a portal to be feared and respected*. *Scholars theorize that the nascent United States was founded on the Petersian model.
007: Dept. of “Foreign Relations” 008: Dept. of Rock and Roll 009: Dept. of Homeland Security 145&146: Depts. of Colonial Magistrates 147: Dept. of Defense 148: Dept. of Art and Culture 245: Seat of Power 246: Dept. of Music 247: Dept. of Literature 248: Dept. of Finance 345: Dept. of Intelligence/Ninja Internment Programs Bureau 346: Dept. of Economy 347: Research and Development 348: Post Office and Day Spa Portal Directory
