1. Interpersonal Communication “I see communication as a huge umbrella that covers and affects all that goes on between human beings. . . How he manages his survival, how he develops intimacy; how productive he is, how eh makes sense, how he connects with his own divinity—all are largely dependent on his communication skills.” –Virginia Satir

2. Communication • The process of conveying feelings, attitudes, facts, beliefs, and ideas between individuals either verbally or non-verbally in such a way that the message intended is received.

3. Message • What you mean to say • What you actually say • What the other person hears • What the other person thinks s/he hears • What the other person says about what you said • What you think the other person said about what you said

4. Communication/Feedback Loop • Step 1: The Idea • Step 2: Encoding • Step 3: Transmission • Step 4: Receiving • Step 5: Decoding • Step 6: Understanding • Step 7: Feedback

5. Communication/Feedback Loop Simplified Message Feedback

6. One- and Two-Way Communication • One-way communication is communication without feedback—also referred to as passive listening • Two-way communication—key element is effective feedback

7. Nonverbal Communication • More than 65% of the message is conveyed through nonverbal communication • Nonverbal communication can reinforce the verbal message • Nonverbal communication can replace verbal messages • Nonverbal communication can contradict the verbal message

8. Nonverbal Communication • Facial Expressions and Eye Contact • Vocal Qualities • Paralinguistics—the study of vocal cues such as pitch, rate, tone, fluency, etc. • Gestures and Body Movements • Touching • Ken Blanchard—”When you touch, don’t take.”

9. Nonverbal Communication • Personal Space • Intimate distance—reserved for close friends and loved ones • Personal distance—where a friendly conversation would take place • Social distance—reserved for impersonal or businesslike interactions • Public distance—reserved for speaking to a large audience

10. Nonverbal Communication • Physical environment and territory • Clothing and personal appearance • Silence

11. Verbal Communication • The words and language we use to convey information • The way we use words is as important as the words we use • Semantics—the study of meaning and changes of meanings in words • Assumptions—to accept as fact without any evidence of proof (to assume makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me”)

12. Verbal Communication • Self-Concept—The single most important factor affecting our communication with others (see Chapter 2) • Emotion-Packed phrases—by choosing emotion-packed phrases, we set a roadblock to open, direct communication

13. Gender and Communication • Masculine and Feminine styles of communication • Males tend to talk more about events, facts, achievements, etc. • Females tend to talk about relationships, feelings, people, etc.

14. Listening • Selective listening—hearing only certain parts of the conversation • Attentive Listening—paying attention and focusing on the words that are being said. • Empathic listening—listening with the intent to understand

15. Barriers to Listening • Psychological Filters—prejudices, past experiences, hopes, and anxieties • Hidden Agenda—our special interest or grudge—we influence the conversation to support our hidden position • Preoccupation or lack of interest

16. Styles of Responding • Evaluative or Judging—the receiver makes a judgment about the motive, personality or reasoning of the sender • Criticizing—can be constructive or destructive

17. Constructive Criticism (Feedback) • Emphasize behavior rather than personalities • Refrain from using “You” messages • Focus on actual observations rather than judgments • Do not criticize when you are angry or upset • Concentrate on sharing ideas rather than giving advice

18. Styles of Responding • Advising—responding by offering solutions • Supportive—shows the receiver’s intent to reassure, comfort or minimize the intense feelings of the sender • Questioning—receiver wants to probe the sender • Understanding—receiver is seeking to fully understand what the sender is actually saying

19. Active/Empathic Listening • In active listening, you see the situation and the message from the sender’s point of view—this includes the sender’s feelings, passion, importance, etc. • In active listening the focus is on the other person not simply his/her message or the words they are saying

20. Steps Toward Active Listening • Develop a posture of involvement • Make use of “door openers” • Keep the other person talking through minimal encourages • Respond reflectively • Reflect content, meaning, feeling

21. Person-to-Person Communication • Carl Rogers’ Four Components of Active Listening • Genuineness • Acceptance • Empathy • Unconditional Positive Regard