CHAPTER 3THE FOUR MISTAKEN GOALS 01/27/101 b a c k n e x t h o m e
CHAPTER 3THE FOUR MISTAKEN GOALS INTRODUCTION 1. Teachers often speculate about a child’s behavior without any real basis. 2. All disturbing behavior indicates a mistaken concept of the child about himself within the group and thereby a mistaken approach to others. 01/27/101 b a c k n e x t h o m e
CHAPTER 3THE FOUR MISTAKEN GOALS INTRODUCTION 4. Understanding the 4 mistaken goals of behavior helps teachers understand the psychological motivation of the child, rather than to blindly search for reasons why a child acts as he does. 01/27/101 b a c k n e x t h o m e
CHAPTER 3THE FOUR MISTAKEN GOALS INTRODUCTION 5. As a child struggles to learn the ways of an adult world, he is bound to make mistakes, particularly during his attempts to discover what society, teachers, and parents expects of him. 01/27/101 b a c k n e x t h o m e
CHAPTER 3THE FOUR MISTAKEN GOALS INTRODUCTION 6. The child’s basic aim is to belong and to find his/her place in the family, or in the group in which he functions. 01/27/101 b a c k n e x t h o m e
CHAPTER 3THE FOUR MISTAKEN GOALS Useful and Useless Behavior 1. Useful behavior is behavior that is turned toward cooperative action for the common good; moves towards others. 2. Useless behavior is turned toward promoting the self; moves away from others. 01/27/101 b a c k n e x t h o m e
CHAPTER 3THE FOUR MISTAKEN GOALS Useful and Useless Behavior 3. The well-adjusted child finds his way towards social acceptance through his concern for the welfare of the group, family or school. 4. The child who misbehaves has lost his belief that he can find belonging and recognition. 01/27/101 b a c k n e x t h o m e
CHAPTER 3THE FOUR MISTAKEN GOALS Useful and Useless Behavior 4 MISTAKEN GOALS 1. To gain undue attention 2. To seek power 3. To seek revenge or get even 4. To Display inadequacy 01/27/101 b a c k n e x t h o m e
CHAPTER 3THE FOUR MISTAKEN GOALS Useful and Useless Behavior 5. Regardless of which 4 goals adopted, the child’s misbehavior results from his conviction that it will secure his place in the family or group in which he functions. 01/27/101 b a c k n e x t h o m e
CHAPTER 3THE FOUR MISTAKEN GOALS How Goals May Change - Attention is the only goal that confuses adults because the same behavior could also fall under Power and Revenge. 01/27/101 b a c k n e x t h o m e
THE FOUR MISTAKEN GOALS 1. Attention-Seeking - Attention may be sought via 4 behavior patterns: 1. Active-constructive 2. Active-destructive 3. Passive-constructive 4. Passive Destructive 01/27/101 b a c k n e x t h o m e
1. ACTIVE - CONSTRUCTIVE • this child is highly competitive and wants to be the best • his goal orientation is success • may develop perfectionism attitude
2 Active-Destructive • this child is defiant, impertinent, bullying, or clownish • behavior may resemble that seen in the need for power or revenge but different in terms of lack of violence • annoys teachers and parents with nuisance behaviors such as tattling and showing off.
3. PASSIVE-CONSTRUCTIVE • these kids are passive in their actions • achieves goals via charm and manipulation • uses a facade of helplessness to put others into his service • does not destroy or disturb, due to fear of losing charm
4. PASSIVE-DESTRUCTIVE • This child is characterized as lazy, with actions ranging from ineffectual responses to total inaction • through his behavior he forces others to be concerned and help him • these are the “help me, I can’t do it” types.
The 4 Mistaken Goals • 2. Power Seeking • power seekers should not be exposed to pressure or attempts to control because it leads to a power contest. • He will argue, cry, throw temper tantrums and contradict to prove he is boss • The teacher should avoid fighting and giving in, while recognizing what it is that makes a child strive for power.
4 MISTAKEN GOALS • 3. Revenge Seeking • these kids get even when they feel others have been unfair to them and hurt their feelings • they take out their revenge on anyone, not just those that have hurt them. • This is one of the most difficult behaviors to change. • Teachers should not retaliate, but instead show an attitude of respect, understanding, and assistance.
4 MISTAKEN GOALS • 4. Display of Inadequacy • these kids become so discouraged that they give up and move toward the goal of inadequacy. • At an early age they develop the belief that they are not as capable as others. • They try to avoid group participation and contribution so as not to be embarrassed or humiliated.
RECOGNIZING THE CHILDS GOALS • There are 2 reliable indications of recognizing the 4 mistaken goals: • 1. Observing our immediate reaction to the child’s provocation • 2. How the child responds to our reprimand
1. OBSERVING OUR IMMEDIATE REACTION • A. When we feel annoyed with the child who does not respond to our reminding pointing out or nagging, we are usually dealing with the attention-seeking child. • B. When feeling threatened or challenged in our position due to the child’s not cooperating and feel the need to force the child to cooperate, we are dealing with the power-seeker.
1. OBSERVING OUR IMMEDIATE REACTION • C. When we feel defeated and hurt by the child and want to “kill him,” we are dealing with the revenge-seeker. • D. When we have tried everything without success and want to give up, then we are dealing with the inadequacy-seeker.
2. HOW THE CHILD RESPONDS TO OUR REPRIMAND • A. If the child stops his behavior after our reprimands, then we know he wanted attention. • B. When a child continues behavior after reprimands, he is usually seeking power.
2. HOW THE CHILD RESPONDS TO OUR REPRIMANDS • C. When a child becomes angry and abusive after reprimands then he usually wants to get revenge. • When a child does nothing after being reprimanded, he is usually operating out of a real or imagined inadequacy goal.
The difference between the passive-destructive and inadequacy child • The passive destructive child who is seeking attention demands service and may be saying,” Help me, I can’t do this.” • The inadequacy child does not ask for help.
SUMMARY • There are no definite rules with regard to the child’s choice for a goal or of the means by which he can obtain it. His decision is subconscious. • The 4 mistaken goals of behavior do not apply to those children who are cooperative, enjoy learning, live up to their potential, and have healthy social relationships.