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Building Strong Relationships: A Life Skills Workshop by Student Counseling Services

Join us for a workshop presented by Student Counseling Services to learn essential life skills for fostering and strengthening relationships. Explore the importance of connection, types of relationships, aspects of friendship, rules for friends, and stages of relationship development. Discover how to achieve mutual intimacy in communication and the characteristics of close relationships. Understand the dynamics of successful marriages and different styles of marriages, including validating, volatile, and avoidant. Gain insights into emotional ecology, warning signs of unhealthy marriages, and strategies for improving communication. Don't miss this opportunity to enhance your relationship-building skills and create lasting connections in your life.

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Building Strong Relationships: A Life Skills Workshop by Student Counseling Services

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  1. Strengthening Relationships A Life Skills Workshop Presented by Student Counseling Services

  2. “To have a friend, be a friend.”

  3. “Friendship is not won by the giving of things, but by the giving of the heart.” --- Roy Lessin

  4. Relationship: the state of being related. Related: 1. connected by some understood relationship. 2. connected through membership in the same family. The key is CONNECTION.

  5. Relationship Assumptions • Successful relationships are basic to successful living. • Keeping relationships healthy deserves a high priority. • Your marriage or significant other is your most important relationship. • You can learn to understand how to make your relationship work.

  6. Types of Relationships • Family relationships • Occasional (“anonymous”) relationships – clerks, waiters • Casual relationships (acquaintances) – some people at work, professors, classmates • Friendships – people with whom you seek interactions, whose company you enjoy • Romantic relationships – passionate, emotional connection, usually reciprocal

  7. Aspects of Friendship • Keeps confidence • Loyalty • Warmth/affection • Supportiveness • Frankness • Sense of humor • Willingness to make time for me • Independence • Good conversationalist • Intelligence • Social conscience

  8. Six Rules for Friends • Share news of success with a friend. • Show emotional support. • Volunteer help in time of need. • Strive to make a friend happy when in each other’s company. • Trust and confide in each other. • Stand up for a friend in his/her absence.

  9. Development of a Close Relationship • Zero contact • Stage 1: unilateral contact • Stage 2: bilateral contact • Stage 3: mutuality

  10. Intimacy in Communication Person 1 Person 2 Cliché Conversation

  11. Intimacy in Communication Person 1 Person 2 Cliché Facts, Conversation Other’s Ideas

  12. Intimacy in Communication Person 1 Person 2 Cliché Facts, Your Conversation Other’s Ideas Ideas & Opinions

  13. Intimacy in Communication Person 1 Person 2 Cliché Facts, Your Personal Conversation Other’s Ideas Information Ideas & Opinions

  14. Intimacy in Communication Person 1 Person 2 Cliché Facts, Your Personal Feelings Conversation Other’s Ideas Information About Each Ideas & Opinions Other Now

  15. Close Relationships • Relatively long-lasting • Frequent interaction • Mutual activities • Impact of interactions is strong

  16. “Marriage is not just a ‘happily ever after’ ending, but a lifetime of ‘I choose to love you’ beginnings.” --- Matt Anderson

  17. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail Dr. John Gottman

  18. “A lasting marriage results from a couple’s ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship.”

  19. Styles of Marriages • Validating • Volatile • Avoidant

  20. Validating • Listen and understand each partner’s point of view • Value other while disagreeing • more like problem-solving discussions • negotiate compromises • Value “we-ness” of relationship • Risk: passionless arrangement

  21. Volatile • Fight on grand scale--make up on grand scale • Highly engaged with each other • See selves as equal parties in relationship • Easily express feelings, opinions, & thoughts • Risk: slide into too much fighting

  22. Avoidant • Conflict minimizers • Agree to disagree--shove it under the rug • Low level of companionship • High degree of autonomy • Risk: Encountering problem too big to avoid

  23. Emotional Ecology • Need to strike a balance of positive/negative • magic ratio: 5 to 1 • Healthy marriages represent three ways of adapting to achieve the balance • Unhealthy marriages which do not adapt can be recognized by warning signs: • “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”

  24. Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse • Criticism • Contempt • Defensiveness • Stonewalling

  25. Criticism • Attacking someone’s personality rather than behavior • Blaming & accusing • “You…” statements • Different from Complaining • “I…” statements • Present to a degree in all relationships

  26. Contempt • Criticism with intention • deeper, more personal attack • Includes • insults & name-calling • hostile humor & mockery • body language • Results in decay of admiration or positive feelings for partner

  27. Defensiveness • Elicited by criticism & contempt • Includes: • denying responsibility --making excuses • disagreeing with mind reading --yes-butting • cross complaining --Rubber man/woman • repeating self --whining • Result: obstructs communication--conflict escalates

  28. Stonewalling • Communication shutdown • Conveys disapproval, disgust, smugness • Found in men more than women

  29. Cycle of Negativity • Four horsemen are hard to tame • If unchecked, downward spiral/cascade occurs • Flooding occurs--system overload • Chronic flooding leads to distance/isolation cascade

  30. Strategy for Improvement • Calm down • Speak nondefensively • Validating Partner • Overlearning--try & try again

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