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Difficult Conversations

Difficult Conversations. How to Discuss What Matters Most. Original PowerPoint developed by Gael Donaghy, Leadership and Management Adviser, University of Waikato 2005. Compiled by Tessa Gray, CORE Education 2006. “We can’t choose who we work with but we can choose how we work with them”

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Difficult Conversations

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  1. Difficult Conversations How to Discuss What Matters Most Original PowerPoint developed by Gael Donaghy, Leadership and Management Adviser, University of Waikato 2005. Compiled by Tessa Gray, CORE Education 2006

  2. “We can’t choose who we work with but we can choose how we work with them” Tess and Daph 2007

  3. “How we use our voice determines the quality of our relationships, who we are in the world, and how the world can be and might become. Clearly a lot is at stake here.” From The Dance of Connection by Harriet Lerner

  4. The Purpose of the Task: To discuss ways to address conflict The Scenario: Move to an area with one other facilitator Read the Task: to discuss a difficult moment in facilitating adult learning and leading whole school change. 15 mins Sharing Time: 10mins

  5. The “What happened?” bit • Be clear about your own reality • Hold this as a hypothesis • Disentangle intent from impact We each have our own perspective of reality, we think we are right and so do they.

  6. Your Emotional Response • What kind of emotions did I feel? Why? • What was the impact of this on me? Identity Issues The biggies are • Am I competent? • Am I a good person? • Am I worthy of love and respect?

  7. Activity 3: Purpose • Think through what your purpose is in addressing this issue • See if you can frame it in terms of student learning

  8. A difficult conversation is anything you find hard to talk aboutThe dilemma: Avoid or confront, it seems there is no good path.

  9. Forced Choice? High task importance Low task importance Low relationship value High relationship value Adapted from David Eddy

  10. Decision Time Whether to have the conversation or not depends on many things. Way up the following…

  11. Costs Benefits Not having the difficult conversation Having the difficult conversation

  12. What Makes Learning Conversations Tough? • Making progress with the issue/problem • Maintaining or enhancing a relationship The following four slides are from a keynote address by Viviane Robinson, Sec Principals Conference 2004

  13. Progressing the Problem/Issue: • State your issue or concern • Treat your views as fallible, not as taken for granted truth • Explain how you arrived at your views • Ask others to do the same

  14. Maintaining the Relationship • Move towards rather than away from scary situations • Replace criticism with affirmation of the person • Check that you understand each other’s points of view

  15. Integrating Concern for the Task and Relationship: The learning conversation • State your concern or issue • Invite dialogue • State how you reached your views • Listen to the views of the others • Paraphrase your point of view and check • Establish common ground–what do you both want? • Make a plan to get where you both want to be • Follow-up!

  16. Fertile Questions to Promote Quality Dialogue

  17. Focus on the Issue and not the Person to Align Norms Based Practices Practices Principles Beliefs and Values

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