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Learning Goal: To improve understanding of how to approach TEXT RESPONSE essays (Hurdle Task feedback). Language. Must be formal Avoid informal expressions such as: “got what was coming to her” ( faced retribution ) “sob story” ( melodramatic monologue detailing her personal history )

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  1. Learning Goal:To improve understanding of how to approach TEXT RESPONSE essays(Hurdle Task feedback)

  2. Language • Must be formal • Avoid informal expressions such as: • “got what was coming to her” (faced retribution) • “sob story” (melodramatic monologue detailing her personal history) • “movie” (film) • Do not use abbreviations or contractions such as “don’t” or “can’t” • Do not refer to yourself (I), or us (we). • E.g. we first witness SHOULD BE: the audience first witnesses

  3. Language • Must use correct spelling A shocking amount of you don’t know how to spell ‘woman’ and ‘women’. Man = one Men= more than one WoMan = one WoMen= more than one Bring a dictionary. At the very least, it will help you to nominalise to avoid retelling plot

  4. Language Punctuation – USE IT!! • Strathmore Secondary College • Strathmore secondary college ? Sarah Siddons Award for Distinguished Achievement

  5. Introductions • Generally needed to be more thorough – outline your main arguments – don’t just hint at them. • Use it to connect to the values of the time • If possible, use the quote from the question in the intro. • There’s no rule about not using quotes in the intro.

  6. Conclusions • Don’t begin with “In conclusion”. It will immediately made your essay sound juvenile. Simply summarise your ideas – don’t tell us you’re about to. • Make sure you don’t just summarise a few of your ideas – it’s your chance to remind examiners the complexity and detail in your discussion

  7. TEEL Paragraphs • Topic sentences – must give overview of main argument of paragraph. This is not a good topic sentence: • There is celebrity status and then there is stardom status. • The point of the paragraph is not to demonstrate this, but to show that Eve is punished because she does not achieve stardom. A better topic sentence would be: - Firstly, Eve never achieves star status; instead she is merely a celebrity with fleeting popularity.

  8. Review your topic sentences • Do they properly represent the main points of your body paragraphs? • Have you used linking phrases to create overall cohesion? E.g. Furthermore, Firstly, As well as, Similarly, In contrast to, etc

  9. TEEL Paragraphs • Linking sentence – must link the main point of the paragraph to the question Main point: Eve never achieves star status; instead she is merely a celebrity with fleeting popularity. What does this have to do with if she is punished or not? Link to question: The temporary nature of Eve’s fame could be regarded as punishment, as the constant feeling of “waves of love” is of utmost value to Eve.

  10. Review your linking sentences • Does each connect the discussion in the body paragraph to the essay question? • Do you make sure not to introduce any new ideas?

  11. Explanation and Evidence • Explanation – at times more needed. e.g. You can’t assume the examiner will know exactly what you mean by ‘insiders’, ‘in group’, or ‘the hierarchy’. You need to be a bit more explicit: e.g. the hierarchy of the theatre world e.g. the inner, elite circle of the theatre world

  12. Explanation and Evidence • Explanation – at times, LESS needed. • If you’re telling us what happened in the film, you’re telling us too much. • The only time you should be pointing out things that happened, is if you need to to support your interpretation. • Many of you need to revise NOMINALISATION.

  13. Explanation and Evidence • Explanation – of techniques • It is not enough to say “blocking has been used in this scene” or even “blocking has been used to show this relationship”.This is one of the times where you are not retelling, you are providing your interpretation about why the film is constructed the way it is. Therefore, you need to be explicit about HOW blocking has been used to convey this idea. • E.g. The other characters are positioned around Eve, symbolising…

  14. Explanation and Evidence • Explanation – of techniques • It’s not just blocking that’s the problem. • Camera angles have been used to show that… • Which camera angles??Why exactly has that one been chosen??

  15. Evidence • EVERYONE should aim to include more quotes. NOBODY has mastered how to integrate quotes into your essay. EVERYONE must revise this. It makes a considerable difference to your writing. • EVERYONE should aim to include more analysis of techniques. Too often people are supporting their ideas with vague pieces of evidence. E.g. Eve is constantly… The director often uses…

  16. Evidence - A solid approach • Choose particular scenes to focus in on that best demonstrate your ideas. • Introduce them with something like: This is best demonstrated in the ______ scene. The audience first learns of ___________ in the scene where ______________________. If you REALLY want to use a quote that’s not from the scene you chose, you can do so by writing something like this: Lloyd had previously revealed that, “...” orLater Margo admits that, “…”

  17. Meeting the criteria • Thorough and insightful understanding of the ideas, characters and themes constructed and presented in the text. Complex discussion and critical analysis of the structures, features and conventions used by the author to construct meaning. Complex analysis of the ways in which social, historical and/or cultural values are embodied in the text.Construction of a sophisticated interpretation, which demonstrates an understanding of ways in which the text is open to different interpretations by different readers.Considered selection and use of significant textual evidence and highly appropriate use of relevant metalanguage to support analysis.Highly expressive, fluent and coherent writing

  18. “you can always put that heart where your heart ought to be.” Is Eve really punished for her misdeeds? • This question requires some thinking if you are to write 4 separate paragraphs

  19. PMI Approach

  20. Question Approach • What misdeeds of hers might deserve punishment? • How is she punished? • Compared to other characters, is her punishment fair? • Why is the character depicted this way?

  21. What misdeeds of hers might deserve punishment? • Deception (pretending to be someone she is not) • Blackmailing others • How is she punished? • Forced into relationship with Addison – therefore unable to use Lloyd to advance her career • Only achieves celebrity status – ‘waves of love’ won’t last long • Compared to other characters, is her punishment fair? • Why is the character depicted this way?

  22. Deciding scenes for evidence. • Work with a partner to decide what scenes could best represent previous ideas

  23. What misdeeds of hers might deserve punishment? • Deception (pretending to be someone she is not) • Blackmailing others • How is she punished? • Forced into relationship with Addison – therefore unable to use Lloyd to advance her career • Only achieves celebrity status – ‘waves of love’ won’t last long • Compared to other characters, is her punishment fair? • Why is the character depicted this way?

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