Interpersonal Communication

1. Interpersonal Communication Emily Wursten LI 802 Emporia State University

2. What is it? Interpersonal Communication The basic process of communication begins when a fact is observed or an idea formulated by one person. That person (the sender) decides to translate the observation into a message, and then transmits the message through some communication medium to another person (the receiver). The receiver then must interpret the message and provide feedback to the sender indicating that the message has been understood and appropriate action taken. (Interpersonal Communication Law & Legal Definition) Communicating "one on one" with other human beings is generally referred to asinterpersonal communication. (Interpersonal Communication, 2009)

3. 3 Parts of Interpersonal Communication • Direct • Verbal • Indirect • Body Language • Context/ Conditions • Gender • Location • Age • Culture

4. Direct Communication:Verbal • Identify what you want • Make no assumptions that people will naturally know what you mean • Ask for what you need (Fuimano) What did we fail to communicate to the man taking the picture?

5. Voices in the library and what they convey • Rapid Speech • Nervous • Impatient • Excitement • Angry • Drugs • Lying • Loud Voice • Control • Persuasion • Compensation for a perceived flaw • Drunk • Hearing loss • Slow Speech • Making an important point • Sad • Tired or sick • Deep in thought • Soft Voice • You’re in a library (Dimitrius& Mazzarella, 1998, pp. 108-113)

6. Indirect:Body Language • Hunched shoulders- lack of confidence (Reiman, 2007, p. 232) • Hand on Chin- listening and thinking (Reiman, 2007, p. 103) • Crossed arms or holding bag in front of body- closed off (Pease, Pease, 2006, pp. 102) • Shoulder shrug- submissive (Pease, Pease, 2006, pp. 20) • Repetitive motion or Verbal repetition- confusion (Dimitrius, Mazzarella, 1998, pp. 272) • Turning away or avoiding people- embarrassment (Dimitrius, Mazzarella, 1998, pp. 274) • Fidgeting or wringing hands- worry (Dimitrius, Mazzarella, 1998, pp. 280) Remember: look for combinations, you can’t read someone by just one sign. I could be wringing my hands because I’m cold http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J37UkFNfIIo&feature=fvw This video has no words, but you still know what they are thinking, how?

7. Indirect:Body Language: for the librarian • Negative Body Language • Squinting with tilted head • No eye contact • Scratching neck or rubbing ears or nose • Standing over other person • Arms folded (Reiman, 2007, pp. 246-249) • Positive Body Language • Palms-up • Eye Contact • Uncrossed Arms • Lean forward to hear • Smile • Feet Point toward target • Mirror body language (Reiman, 2007, pp. 261-262) Practice reading body language for 15 minutes a day. Crowd watch, or watch TV with the sound muted. (Pease, Pease, 2006, pp. 29)

8. Context:Gender • What Men should know • If men don’t listen, women think they don’t care • If a woman is saying something negative, it doesn’t mean she is complaining • Women talk to relieve stress • Just because she doesn’t say anything, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have something to say • If a woman shares a problem, it doesn’t mean she wants the listener to solve it or that she can’t solve it herself • When women are stressed, small issues can be blown out of proportion • The best way to win a woman’s support is to carefully listen and communicate • Women will either not boast of accomplishments or share the credit- this doesn’t mean she has not accomplished or succeeded at anything. (Gray, 2002)

9. Context:Gender • What women should know • If a man brings up a problem, you can give him advice, but unless he does, he will be annoyed by any help you try to give him • Men define themselves by their actions • Men communicate to solve problems and get tasks done with no extra wording involved • When men grumble, it doesn’t not mean they don’t care or will not do an asked assignment, often it means he is looking for a solution • If a man asks questions, he is open to learning more and/or even changing his opinion • If a man is withdrawn temporarily, it means he is thinking and will not welcome interruption (Gray, 2002)

10. Context:Location • Make the library conducive to communication • Pictures and color scheme can relax or energize • Adjust the volume of noise in the library • Too quiet and patron is afraid to break it • Too loud and patron can’t hear you • Use props to help communicate with patrons • Dual monitors at reference desk • Make reference desk accessible to handicap patrons (Andrews, Bowman, & Hanke, 2003) • Get rid of distractions • “Good communication is difficult enough. Avoid putting any additional hurdles in its path.” (Dimitrius & Mazzarella, 1998, pp. 131)

11. Context:Character Roles • Age http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAj9eQw9Fvo • WWII (my grandpa) “Patriotic, loyal, hard-working, military-style leadership model (follow orders/no questions), duty” • Baby Boomers “Rebellious, movers and shakers, love/hate authority, optimistic, competitive” • Generation X “skeptical, independent, concerned with self-preservation, sense that the American dream is unrealistic” • Millennials “global outlook, optimistic, patriotic, fast-paced multitaskers, street smart, function as a group; 68% rate “listens well” as the number one leadership attribute” Quotes are from: (Interpersonal Communication: Basic Principles of Interpersonal Communication, 2009)

12. Character Roles:Culture • Learn about the cultures you serve • Body language • How close do you stand? • Do you make eye contact? • Are there offensive hand gestures to avoid? • Etiquette to follow around the world • Respect age • Keep hands to yourself and out of pockets • Gesture with whole hand, not fingers (avoid those offensive gestures • Close mouth when not speaking • When shaking hands, return the strength of grip you are given • Dress conservatively • Don’t tell jokes • Address others by their titles eg. Mr., Mrs., Dr., etc. (Leaptrott, 1996, pp. 35)

13. References Andrews, J., Bowman, M., & Hanke, D. (2003). Around the World: Rethinking Reference: A Case Study At Portland State University's Millar Library. Library Hi Tech News . Communicating Strategically. (2009, August 17). Retrieved April 12, 2010, from University of Iowa: http://www.cba.uni.edu/Buscomm/Interpersonal/ConflictPrevention.htm Dimitrius, J.-E., & Mazzarella, M. (1998). Reading People. New York: Random House, Inc. Fuimano, J. (n.d.). Four Steps to Direct Communication . Retrieved April 12, 2010, from Hodu.com: http://www.hodu.com/direct.shtml Gray, J. (2002). Mars and Venus in the Workplace. New York: HarperCollins Publisher, Inc. Interpersonal Communication. (2009, August 17). Retrieved April 12, 2010, from University of Northern Iowa: http://www.cba.uni.edu/Buscomm/Interpersonal/interpers.html Interpersonal Communication Law & Legal Definition. (n.d.). Retrieved April 12, 2010, from US Legal Definitions: http://definitions.uslegal.com/i/interpersonal- communication/ Interpersonal Communication: Basic Principles of Interpersonal Communication. (2009, August 17). Retrieved April 12, 2010, from University of Northern Iowa: http://www.cba.uni.edu/Buscomm/Interpersonal/InterpersonalCommunication.htm Leaptrott, N. (1996). Rules of the Game: global business protocol. Cincinnati: Thomson Executive Press. Pease, A., & Pease, B. (2004). The Definitive Book of Body Language. New York: Bantam Dell. Reiman, T. (2007). The Power of Body Language. New York: Simon & Schuster, Inc.