Dealing with Difficult People

1. Dealing with Difficult People By: Jackie Medland R.N., Ph.D. Chief Nurse Executive Presence St. Joseph Medical Center

2. List one difficult person in your life. • Specifically, what makes that person so difficult? • How do you typically respond to their difficult behaviors? • What do you want to happen differently for yourself? From them?

3. Stimulus Response Response-ABLE Don’t react, communicate out of intention!

4. Sherman Tank • Whole demeanor expresses attack • Abusive, abrupt, intimidating Strong need to prove they’re right

5. Exploder • Adult temper tantrum • Responds with anger when threatened

6. Sniper • Maintain a cover, back-of-the-room • Nit-picking, innuendos, digs

7. Bulldozer • Tone of absolute certainty • Difficulty is in the way their knowledge is communicated • Respond with anger when their opinions are opposed Cannot stand the unknown; Need to impose order

8. Complainer • Find fault with everything • Ands and buts that flow without a pause • Self-righteous blaming… Someone should be doing something • Triangular griping Feel powerless

9. Negativist • Respond to anyone’s productive suggestion with… It’ll never work! • Profoundly detrimental to the unit Feel powerless

10. Super-Agreeable • Outgoing, sociable, likable • Mask feelings in humor • Say “yes” to anything, but do nothing

11. Clam • Totally unresponsive, yes, no, grunt

12. Master your inner voice… Do something to interrupt the pattern -- Ury

13. General Coping Strategies • Stop wishing they were different • Get distance between you and the difficult behavior • Acknowledge what they are saying; issues begins to lose its emotional charge • Formulate a plan for interrupting the interaction

14. Breakthrough Strategy …Do the opposite of what you might naturally do in a difficult situation

15. 85% of all interactions come across in form, not content • Project confidence (tone & stature) • Mirror the interaction (positioning)

16. Listening. . . …to someone is the cheapest concession you can make

17. Express Your Views • “Yes” …. “And” • “I” statements • Look for opportunities to agree

18. Dealing with the Sherman Tank • Maintain eye contact • Get in any way you can… loudly state their name and/or a neutral word • Mirror the interaction (positioning) • Show that you take them seriously

19. Dealing with the Exploder Give them time to run down Get the facts and get them help Loudly state their name

20. Dealing with a Sniper • Smoke them out… That sounded like a dig? • Get others point of view • Prevention through regular problem solving forums

21. Dealing with Bulldozers • Do your homework • Listen carefully; acknowledge their expertise • Use questions to raise issues • Monitor yourself for bulldozing tendencies

22. Dealing with Complainers • Listen, even if you feel impatient • Move quickly toward problem solving • “How do you want this to end?”

23. Dealing with Negativists • Don’t allow yourself to be dragged into despair • Don’t try to argue them out of their pessimism • Balance comments with realistic optimism • Ask them to create a “worst case” scenario

24. Dealing with Super-Agreeables • Let them know they are valued • Work hard to surface the underlying facts; hidden messages • Allow them to commit to deadlines they can keep

25. Dealing with Clams • Don’t try to interpret the silence • Use open ended questions • The friendly, silent stare…one one thousand • Comment on the strange happenings • Terminate and set up an appointment

26. Whoever has the best options has the best chance of getting what s/he wants! --Ury

27. The next time, _________, does _____________, I will respond by . . .

28. Let Go… When it requires more energy or you are achieving less of a result!