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Dealing with Difficult People Conflict Resolution

Dealing with Difficult People Conflict Resolution. Michigan Area Day September 29, 2013 Marci Delson. Who is a Difficult Person?. People who don’t agree with me People who always want their own way People with poor interpersonal skills People who are nasty, aggressive or insecure

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Dealing with Difficult People Conflict Resolution

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  1. Dealing with Difficult PeopleConflict Resolution Michigan Area Day September 29, 2013 Marci Delson

  2. Who is a Difficult Person? • People who don’t agree with me • People who always want their own way • People with poor interpersonal skills • People who are nasty, aggressive or insecure • People who think very differently from me • People who don’t keep their commitments • People who always know better than I do • People who refuse to accept the agreed upon (group) consensus • People who don’t appreciate or support Sisterhood • Who do you see as these Difficult People?

  3. Before Dealing with Difficult People • Ask yourself: • Am I ever a difficult person? • Do I accept diversity or opinion and seek consensus? • Do I, or how do I, enable this person to be difficult? • In what way is this person difficult?

  4. Why Do I Dislike Dealing with Difficult People • Because they make me angry and uncomfortable • Because it is stressful

  5. What is the Goal When Dealing with Difficult People? • Is my goal to win or to heal? • Do I accept compromise? • Is my goal to accomplish a task? • Do I try to enhance communication and increase understanding? • Do I try to diffuse conflict? • Do I look for the win/win situation so that all parties feel positive?

  6. Small Group Exercise • Each group will be given a scenario to read • Recorder will document the agreed upon responses • Report out • Exercise Time: 10 minutes

  7. Tools and Techniques for Dealing with Difficult People • Know your goals before the confrontation • Listen – carefully and respectfully • Do not be non-judgmental • Make observations rather than evaluations • Be issue oriented rather than position oriented • Be flexible • Be calm and think before you speak

  8. Tools and Techniques for Dealing with Difficult People • Look for common ground • Look for small concessions and recognize them • Be clear and accurately express what you are looking for • Do not make demands • Control the conversation • Be willing to admit that you are wrong and apologize • Speak to people privately about specific issues

  9. Tools and Techniques for Dealing with Difficult People • May be necessary to involve a neutral party to help in resolution • May be necessary to agree to disagree • Behave in a caring and respectful manner • Always forgive

  10. Ten Commandments of Conflict Resolution • You shall be honest but state your opinion in away that does not offend or insult your adversary • You shall respect the views of those who may not share your opinion. Self serving postures invite rebuke and indignation because they ignore the priorities of others • You shall not use gossip to undermine agreements concluded in open discussion • You shall spend more time listening than speaking. Few viable agreements result from one way conversations • You shall speak with others, not at them, ifyour purpose is to persuade and not to dictate

  11. Ten Commandments of Conflict Resolution • You shall respect decisions agreed upon publically • You shall not say, “We’ve always done it that way” or “We never do it this way”. Every proposal deserves to be judged on its merit, not on its age • You shall remember that the only feelings you know are your own; therefore affirm only what “I” think or feel, and ask what “you” think and feel, without ascribing motives to anyone but yourself • You shall perceive the conflict from the other side, and thereby increase your neighbor’s faith and confidence in your integrity, as well as your chances for achieving consensus • You shall forgive, for bearing a grudge is a transgression

  12. Textual References for Dealing with Difficult People • Love your neighbor as yourself. • Lev.19:18 • Judge not your fellowman until you have been in his place • PirketAvot 2:15 • What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellowman • Hillel Talmud Shabbat 31a • Strengthen the bonds of friendship and fellowship • MishkanTfilah p.179 • …only to do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God • Micah 6:8

  13. Credits • Dealing with Difficult People • Workshop by Karen Sim • WRJ Board Member • Ten Commandments of Conflict Resolution • Rabbi Howard R. Greenstein • From Who May Abide in Your House published by the Union for Reform Judaism

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