Marriage in the Holy Bible Washington D.C.

1. Marriage in the Holy Bible Washington D.C.

2. Saint Mark Orthodox Church of Washington D.C. Family & parenting Ministry Wednesday 5/27/09 to Friday 5/29/09

3. Wed. 5/27/09 Bible Study & Servant Meeting

4. INTRODUCTION We are going to mention the following important points: 1- Marriage in the Holy Bible. 2- Life commitment. 3- Marriage is an intimate fellowship.

5. 1- Marriage in the Holy Bible: + Christian marriage is a biblical truth. + God created Eve from Adam’s rib and gave her to him, to be a helper comparable to him. + God performed the first marriage according to His divine Plans. We are going to discus the following Points: A- The Holy Bible and purpose of marriage. B- The meaning of leave and cleave. C- The meaning of sacramental marriage D- Marriage is an intimate relationship.

6. A- The Holy Bible and purpose of Christian marriage What are the main purposes of Christian marriage, as mentioned in the Bible? There are three main purposes for marriage: 1. Companionship (Helper Comparable) 2. Giving birth to children 3. Fulfilling Sexual Desires & Abstaining from sexual immorality

7. 1-Companionship: It is the main purpose for marriage (Gen.2:8). Loneliness was the first thing that God named: ‘NOT GOOD’ Not good physically (No female partner) Not good emotionally (No one to share with) Not good spiritually (No Helper)

8. Wife subjects to her husband, assists him & Shares with him all daily life responsibility Husband loves his wife as Christ loved His church and Gave Himself for her (Eph. 5:21-32). Both submit to one another in the fear of God. What is meaning of the verse: “The husband is the head of the wife” (Eph. 5:23)?

9. 2-Giving birth to children: The second purpose is procreation: The Lord said: “Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it Have dominion over ….” (Gen. 1:28). For Christian couples, procreation means: Bringing children to God. What type of children? … Saints for Christ. Psalm (127:3-5) tells us: “The children are a heritage from the Lord. They are like the arrows in the hand of a warrior, Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them”.

10. How to procreate holy children? (Prov. 22:6): “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” Examples of children not raised well: Esau, the son of Isaac, was not perfect and he was profane (Heb. 12:16), and he was a grief of mind to his parents (Gen. 26:35). Jacob’s Children (except Joseph and Benjamin) were not raised well by their father, who was, then, busy with his wives & his livestock, and they made troubles for Jacob (Gen. 34:30, 37:20). In the same time, St. Paul said: “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).

11. 3-Fulfilling sexual desire & Abstaining from sexual immorality: God created the sexual desire for procreation and intimacy. There are some people who can & like to live without marriage. St. Paul said in (1 Cor. 7:2, 8, 9): “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality; let each one have his own woman, and let each woman have her own husband”. Although he wished that all men were unmarried like him, yet he added: “But if they cannot exercise self-control let them marry, for it is better to marry than to be with passion”.

12. B- The Meaning of ‘Leave’ and ‘Cleave’: The Lord said: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Leave the parents ties, yet respect and honor them. Cleave to his wife, weld together, become of one body, one heart and one mind, living in intimacy & total commitment. ……… Why? Because, the two partners became one flesh. No division after unity. It is unity in bodies and souls.

13. The meaning of intimacy: St. Paul in (1 Cor. 7:3, 4) said: “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due to her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. He added: “Come together so that Satan does not tempt you, because of your lack of self-control”. Sexual love is part of the relation, but the bond is deeper than that. It means complete love, acceptance, affection, tenderness, touches, and motivation, before the relation.

14. C- The sacramental marriage means 7 criteria: 1-Oneness 2-Holy covenant 3-Life commitment 4-Means of sexual love 5-Retaining personal identity 6-Centered in love and obedience 7-Blessed by God as means of having children

15. 1. Oneness: Unity in flesh & soul, submission to one another, as they are: Crowned by the Father with glory and honor, Blessed by the only Begotten Jesus Christ, Sanctified by the Holy Spirit. Everyone is a GIFT FROM GOD to the other.

16. The groom takes his wife from the hands of God, in purity and sincerity, and has compassion on her (love her). The Lord took a rib from Adam (near his heart), to make Eve. The bride has to honor her husband and respect him, and receive him with joy and cheer. Both must submit to one another, live together in harmony.

17. 2- Holy Covenant between a couple and God. + It is not a contract between a man and a woman. + It is a mysterious and intimate bond. Therefore it must not be broken by man, as the Lord said clearly: “What God has joined together let no man put asunder”(Mat. 19:4-6).

18. For this reason: + One must carefully choose the life-long mate (the right person). + One must get married for the right reasons for marriage. + One must spend sometime in prayers and fasting, asking God for a gift from His hands (Gen. 24:2-14).

19. 3- Life Commitment: + Sacramental Christian marriage is a call to friendship, a call to sacrifice and a call to protect your spouse (the precious gift from your Savior). It is TOTAL commitment of the TOTAL person for the TOTAL life. + Sacramental Christian marriage is a call to friendship, a call to sacrifice and a call to protect your spouse (the precious gift from your Savior). It is TOTAL commitment of the TOTAL person for the TOTAL life

20. Some people think that commitment to their spouses until death is idealistic, and when certain problems start, it is no longer valid. They do not like to spend time or energy to solve any problem or come over any crises. + Commitment means no turning back for any reason (neither for sickness, nor poverty, nor calamities, nor any crises), and one must not change his/her mind at all, when life changes.

21. + Commitment is more than maintaining; it is more than continuing to stick out with a poor choice of a spouse. It needs investigation and work to make relationship grow. Do not expect that your spouse will be a mirror image of you. Everyone has his/her identity, and it is completely wrong if one wants to destroy the identity of the other. + Commitment will be acknowledged by God, because it means that the couple loves each other sincerely, and they give more than they take without asking, demanding, or expecting any reward. Love is an act of strength and not of weakness.

22. MARRIAGE IS BUILT UPON A COMMITMENT TO COMMUNICATE. We have to know and to learn how to speak your partner’s language, and use all your energy in getting along with your partner. Some people are like medieval castles, building high walls around them to keep them safe from being hurt, or to secure them from being attacked. But the castle dweller will be a self-made prisoner. They want to feel loved by someone, but the walls are so high, that it is difficult for anyone to reach in.

23. 4- Means of Sexual Love: Sexual love should be practiced with decency, respect and without vulgarity. St. Paul advised the married couples, saying: “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due to her, and like wise alsothe wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. … Come together so that Satan does not tempt you because of lack of self-control” (1 Cor. 7:3-5).

24. The couple grows to be one and close to each other, without fear, because love takes fear away. They feel shameless and safe to be together. They are similar to Adam and Eve before the fall (naked and shameless). They are supported by each other. They show their feelings to each other without shame.

25. 5- Retaining Personal Identity: After marriage, the husband and the wife work together in building their home and marital relations, without loosing each spouse’s identity. The organs of the body work together in harmony, and no one takes the function of the other. Submission does not mean loss of identity. The Lord Jesus, (the Son) submitted Himself to the Father and became obedient to the point of death; although He is equal to the Father (1 Cor. 15:28, Phil. 2:8). The Lord said: “I and My Father are one”, “I am in the Father and the Father in Me” (Jn. 10:30, 14:11).

26. We can find great resemblance between Eutychianism and Nestorianism, and the married couples. The first considers that the divine nature absorbed Christ’s human nature, and the latter considers that the two natures were not united. When one of the spouses is controlling and the other looses his/her identity; it is similar to Eutychianism, and when the spouses are separated financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically; this is similar to Nestorianism. Oneness does not mean that one of the spouses looses his/her identity, but each one attains his/her own personality.

27. 6- Centered in love and obedience: The role of the husbands and the wives are defined clearly in the Bible. Everyone has to love his spouse regardless of the response of the other partner. It is a reflection of the love of God that He has for all. Love is not primarily sexual or emotional (though both of these concepts are involved). Love and obedience can be easily achieved, if both the spouses are faithful Christians, and under the control of the Holy Spirit, who joined them in one body. They should dwell together in a manner that both should share every aspect of their lives. There should be no areas where there are signs that say ‘private’, ‘husband only’ or ‘wife only’.

28. 6- Centered in love and obedience: The role of the husbands and the wives are defined clearly in the Bible. Everyone has to love his spouse regardless of the response of the other partner. It is a reflection of the love of God that He has for all. Love is not primarily sexual or emotional (though both of these concepts are involved). Love and obedience can be easily achieved, if both the spouses are faithful Christians, and under the control of the Holy Spirit, who joined them in one body. They should dwell together in a manner that both should share every aspect of their lives. There should be no areas where there are signs that say ‘private’, ‘husband only’ or ‘wife only’.

29. St. Paul advises the spouses to live in love and obedience (Eph. 5:22-29). Wives, moved by the sincere love of the husbands, will surely submit to their husbands. Also, the husbands will obey St. Paul’s commandment in loving and caring for their wives, as Christ did for the church. A Christian person has to give more than to take (Act. 20:35).

30. 7- Blessed by God as Means of Having Children: The Lord blessed the marriage of Adam and Eve, as means of having children, when He said: “be fruitful and multiply” (1:27). The same words were said to Noah after the flood (Gen. 9:2, 7). Having children is not the only reason for marriage, so it is not dissolved if any of the spouses has genetic problems and can not give birth to children; such as insufficient living sperms, or ovary or uterus problems. + + +

31. Before discussing the article of “Changing Your Marriage Dynamics” we must answer the following questions: 1- Why did you marry? 2- Are your dreams about marriage are fulfilled? 3- What were your expectations about marriage? I think that your expectations were one or more of the following points:

32. + I wanted to marry to escape from loneliness. + I wanted to marry to have children (to see myself in them). + I wanted someone to help me and make me happy. + I wanted to spend my life with someone who loves me. + I wanted to marry for sexual union & emotional needs in a holy and lawful way (protection from sexual immorality).

33. + I wanted to fulfill what I lacked in my parent’s home. + I wanted to marry to escape from social pressure and to have respectable status. + I wanted to find someone to help me financially. + I wanted to find a girl similar to my dear mother (or to find a man similar to my beloved father). + I wanted somebody to show sacrifice, for my sake and carry my responsibilities. + I wanted to have a spouse showing complete submission. + I wanted to marry to escape from my parents’ control.

34. Please answer these five questions honestly: + Now, after you got married are all your motives for marriage completely fulfilled? + If you consider that your marriage was a safety net that you gladly fell in, what motives you did not fulfill? + Do you find that you can communicate and understand your spouse well, and both of you share the challenges of life willingly?

35. + Do you consider that your marriage needs adjustment, and do you want to change for better marital life? + Do you feel that you build a Christian home, and Christ is the most important person in your family?

36. D- Marriage is an Intimate Relationship: In order to know how to communicate well, and have an intimate relationship with your partner, one must know that God created woman of a different nature than man, in many aspects. Many psychologists and sociologists investigated these differences, and statistically summed them up in the following:

37. 1- Man is mono directed while woman is stereo directed. Man cannot think and do many things at the same time. On the contrary, woman can do many things at the same time. Thus in marital life, the wife will be more efficient in doing certain jobs than the husband does. When they plan to go on a trip, the wife is more efficient in preparing the luggage, without forgetting any item for any person, including the kids. This is why the husband has a small wallet, while his wife carries a big purse, containing many items, considering any emergency for her or for the others.

38. 2- The vocabulary of girls is greater than boys: Girls start to speak earlier than boys. Statistics show that women normally speak more than double the amount of words men speak per day. This difference has an impact on marital life. The two spouses must consider that characteristic in their marital life, especially in discussing their problems.

39. As good communication is the key of successful marriage, the wife has to minimize her speech as much as possible, and stop repeating the same words; otherwise the husband will not stand that kind of conversation, he will withdraw gradually, and may leave the house, as he feels uncomfortable during discussion. Wives must practice self-control, when they feel that their husbands are not ready for more discussion. Women have to choose the proper time for speaking with their husbands and they have to do it briefly (in few words). In marital life, problems happen when wives are very talkative and men are short-tempered.

40. Husbands must consider the nature of their wives. They must practice patience and listen seriously, without any discomfort or weariness. They must pay attention, listen and show their concern. If the husband feels that he is tired of the long discussion, he has to ask his wife to postpone the matter to a more convenient time; a better time to think seriously about that matter. One of the greatest gifts a person can have is the gift of listening. It is an act of love and caring. Listening appears in the eyes and the smile of the person.

41. Many men do not have sufficient vocabulary to express their emotions. Others think that showing feelings is a weakness, and any sympathy is awkward for them. Others keep quiet to avoid confrontation when they have different opinions. One must also consider that both husbands and wives must prepare themselves for change (This will be discussed later on).

42. This readiness for change should start before marriage. They must know that change of habits and behavior will build positive relationships in marriage. They must cope with the different characters of each other and try to develop greater flexibility in their daily life.

43. 3- Stimulus for attraction: This is another important difference between man and woman. The eyes of men are the source of stimulus for attraction and fascination, as the beauty of the woman charms them. That is why our Lord said: “Who looks at a woman to lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Mat. 5:28). Thus, wives have to show their beauty to their husbands at home in order to fascinate and attract them.

44. On the other hand, the stimuli for women are their ears. They like to hear good compliments and praises and love expressions. Husbands must know how to laud and praise their wives frequently. Compliments can be also appreciated when accompanied by some deeds, such as giving small gifts, invitation to eat in restaurants, and showing affection when their wives feel tired or exhausted.

45. 4- Power and muscular structure of the body: The physical structure of the body of men and women differs greatly. Men are usually muscular; thus they can help their wives when they need physical efforts. Women are more emotional, romantic and less physically strong. Thus, in their daily life, husbands and wives must complement each other, trying to make life as perfect as possible.

46. Husbands must be patient, passionate and give enough time for the needs of their wives, especially when the wives get agitated (from loneliness, tired, sick, pregnant ... etc). St Peter calls the women weak vessels and asked the husbands to dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to them, that their prayers may not be hindered (1 Pet. 3:7).

47. 5-Sexual Ability and Satisfaction: The sexual abilities and satisfaction for men and women are different. The roles and secretion of sexual hormones are not the same for male and female. While testosterone is secreted daily in man’s body, the estrogen hormone in woman is secreted once every month. Sexual relation should satisfy both husband and wife equally and synchronal. If there is a defect, such as premature ejaculation for husbands, or non-satisfaction for wives, the couple must take the matter seriously and discuss it with the priest, an urologist, or other experts. There are many problems that might occur due to keeping this defect secret, without consulting a specialist.

48. Husbands must have warm feelings and emotions, and must show romantic affection towards their wives. Performing sexual relations without love, tenderness and affection will not be satisfactory, especially for women (His Needs, Her needs, by Willard Harley, Fleming H. Revell Co. New Jersey).

49. 6- Women Try to Show Their Beauty: Usually women like to take care of their appearance and external looks, showing and expressing their beauty. They like to use cosmetics and makeup, hair dressing equipments, and other beautifying tools. On the other hand men do not care much about their appearance. They may like to be well dressed and tidy, but they usually do not pay attention to buy cosmetics, and sometimes they are even messy.

50. Problems may happen when the budget of the family is tight, so that wives are not able to buy their needs or could not go to the hair dresser frequently, or when the wife spends unaffordable amounts of money on her cosmetics and new dresses.