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Attraction & Intimacy

Attraction & Intimacy

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Attraction & Intimacy

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  1. Attraction & Intimacy • Who do you love? • What is love? • Why do fools fall in love? • Will you love me forever? • Let me sleep on it, I’ll give you an answer in the morning (Meatloaf, 1978).

  2. What factors predict liking? • Proximity – geographical nearness • mere exposure • anticipation of interaction • Attractiveness – “what is beautiful is good” • Similarity – attitudes, personality. • Reinforcement – liking for a person will result under conditions in which a person experiences positive or negative reinforcement in the presence of that person.

  3. What is love? • Types of love: • I. Passionate vs. Companionate love • Companionate love is the strong affection we have for those with whom our lives are deeply involved. • Passionate love is a state of intense absorption in someone. It involves arousal and intense desire and often has a swift onset. • The Bridge Study

  4. Types of Love • II. Sternberg’s Triangle Model • 3 ingredients of consummate love: • Intimacy- feelings of closeness, affection, and connectedness • Passion- motivational drives relating to sex, physical closeness and romance • Decision/commitment- initial thought of love and long-term determination to maintain that love

  5. Intimacy (Liking) Consummate Love (Intimacy + Passion + commitment Romantic Love (Intimacy + passion) Companionate Love (Intimacy + commitment) Passion (Infatuation) Decision/Commitment (Empty love) Fatuous Love (Passion + commitment)

  6. Individual Differences in Relationship Style • Gender • Women rate financial independence/career as more important in a mate than men; men rate physical attractiveness as more important than women. • Women tend to prefer older men; men tend to prefer younger women. • Women report more emotional jealousy; men report more sexual jealousy (Buss).

  7. Individual Differences in Relationship Style • Attachment Theory—children learn relationship behaviors that are modeled by parents. • Secure attachment-child learns to nurture intimacy, feels secure in relationships with others. • Avoidant attachment-child learns to starve intimacy by being emotionally distant, avoids commitment and closeness in relationships with others. • Anxious/ambivalent attachment-child learns to smother intimacy by being possessive, jealous, and emotionally demanding.

  8. Individual Differences in Relationship Style • Self-Esteem • In the face of a relationship threat, LSE’s distance themselves from their partner; HSE’s increase closeness. (Murray & Holmes). • SE is negatively correlated with relationship social comparisons. (Smith-LeBeau & Buckingham).

  9. Will you love me forever? • I. Equity Theory- Your benefits = Your Partner’s Benefits Your contributions Your Partner’s Contributions

  10. Will you love me forever? • II. Investment model- Satisfaction + Investment +  Commitment  Relationship CLalt - Stability • Satisfaction is based on costs and rewards. • CLalt is the comparison level for alternative relationships.